Rushing Through The Emotions
by Erin Marie S
Summary: A story of a woman who, despite ups and downs, continues to long and care for a man whom she feels, never took their relationship into consideration. How many revelations, heartbreaks, hidden passion and understanding can come between them? RushxOC
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1: "DISCOVERIES AND ABANDONMENT"**

Lily panted softly, still following close behind Dr. Rush as they both were walking down the corridor. Spencer's suicide footage was still heavy on her mind, and she was really worried about the hidden look Colonel Young had given Rush. It was almost as if Young had already decided that this tragic incident had something to do with Rush. But that was bogus; there was no way Rush had anything to do with Spencer committing suicide. Much less, what would be Rush's motive for planting the gun in Young's quarters? She had to admit silently to herself, even if Rush had planted the gun, there had to be very solid, definite good reason for Rush's actions. She knew Dr. Rush, not like the others did. Sure, a lot of his actions were very questionable most of the time. However, Rush never did anything without there being a plausible reason for it. She tried to ignore her own thoughts, or the fact that she had been secretly admiring him from behind (again) as he spoke to her.

"This may be the greatest discovery since landing on Destiny. We may actually be able to summon alien life, and possibly be able to communicate with them. Think of the discoveries to be had in that…"

"Maybe they may know something about Ascension too?"

She saw that comment had made him silently grin to himself, watching as he picked up his step. It was amazing to watch him, when he was so damned determined on the task at hand. He became so focused, so focused to soak in as much information he could about basically everything he could obtain in his grasp. This raw ambition often made others think of him as cold, sneaky, up to no good, and dry with no personality. She saw it from the other side of the spectrum. She thought it made him more personable, more reliable, and she could see the passion he had for research and solving equations and issues. She still couldn't understand, to this day, why everyone suspected him so much. He had, after all, saved their asses on more than one occasion since they arrived on Destiny. Okay, so he was to blame for them being stuck. But he had made a valid point; that explosion could have very well came through the wormhole, and they would have been destroyed, possibly along with Earth. Also, if she had to be stuck on a space ship with anyone, it had to be him.

Soon they made it into the gate room, thankful that it hadn't taken much effort on her part to convince him to let her go with him this time. Having been a student of his for almost six years, and working alongside him for two, she had adapted his passion for research. She scoffed a bit, her astrological sign was Scorpio, and that in itself meant she had a natural cosmic curious nature. She supposed she couldn't have him take all the credit for her being interested in research. She always naturally would log hours of computer usage researching the web for any and every thing she ever was remotely interested in. And it never took too long before she had a good knowledge and understanding of those things. However, when she met Rush, her interest of research focused primarily on him. And to this day, years later, she was still discovering new information on him, and thinking back to old information stored away in her memory. Like how damned fine he looked in army fatigues…

"_Lily, not now. God, what would he think if he only knew…probably think I was crazy and send me on my way. FAR away from him…Is he speaking to me now?!_ What?"

"I said, get ready…"

Now she felt utterly stupid for just standing there, getting lost in her own thoughts, once again. Everyone else was getting prepared to go on the "mission," she even heard the gate being dialed. She smiled a bit to herself; she had grown rather fond of the heavy, almost scraping sound of the gate spinning and dialing its destinations. And what a ride the wormholes are, but also so mysteriously beautiful. She got into her fatigues with record timing, her hands reaching behind her head. She had shocked many people on the ship, especially Eli, when they all found out just how long her hair was. She hardly ever took it down from the high ponytail she often kept it in. Her hands worked to tie her hair even higher up, something they were highly trained in doing; it was a constant habit. She blushed to herself for a moment, remembering the few times Rush had either touched or ran his fingers through it. It had been a while.

"Let's make sure the radios work."

Nodding, she walked out of the gate room, stepping into an empty corridor. Smiling, as she heard the interruption sound coming from her walkie-talkie, before hearing his voice. Clicking a button, just to joke like she often did from time to time, she responds back.

"Roger that."

Of course, Rush didn't say anything. He wasn't a big joker, but he had made her laugh from time to time. At least she had gotten a chuckle from Eli. She walked over to where Eli was standing, a kino in his hands. It was suddenly placed in hers, and it took her a moment before she realized he wanted her to document the mission. Chuckles a bit, never have had the chance to work one yet, shaking her head.

"You sure you want me to do this? Wouldn't you rather, since you are the Kino Master?"

"It's easy. All you really need to know what to work is these buttons on the remote. I would go, but I had enough fun on desert island, thank you very much. I rather not go visit another hot and dry planet."

"Understandable. Plus, you got to make sure everyone stays in a positive mood, right?"

She heard him give her an unsure, almost mocking laugh, the two of them exchanging light punches to the shoulders. Eli was a great friend; he was almost like a brother she had always wished she had. Eli was always there whenever either her or Chloe needed someone to talk to. And watching the way he consoled Chloe when they all thought they were going to fly into the sun. It was beautiful. He was a lot stronger than he gave himself credit. She held the remote in her hands, pressing a few buttons and letting the kino go, watching it almost plummet to the ground. Eli jumped, flinching a bit at the thought that he just about lost a kino.

"You need to navigate it with the remote, remember?"

"Oops, my bad. I got it now…"

She made a face that read "sorry guys" before she followed behind Dr. Rush, the kino following in front of her. She kept her eyes on the remote's screen as they crossed through the gate. Soon they walked upon a bare and dry plain, her eyes scanning the area. Aside from the lack of sand, it did remind her of the desert planet. It was humid, but it was nowhere near the sheer asphyxiating heat they experienced that day. She continued to follow the team, still taking note of Young's almost standoffish approach to Rush. She almost contemplated pulling the Colonel aside and discussing the matter with him. Even though Rush had often expressed that Young was only interested in the well being of himself and his military personnel-and that's it. It wasn't until the crashed alien spaceship came into view, that her previous thought left her mind. Rush was already hurrying to the deserted ship, wanting to badly get the chance to explore it. She studied the ship from afar; it wasn't huge like Destiny was in size, but it looked to almost be made around the same time, and by the same individuals. Or so she thought.

"Well it's not Ancient. That much we figured out. The material and design is completely different."

"It's not radiating any radiation or EM fields, it's basically dead."

"Have you been inside?"

"We've located what looks like a hatch, but couldn't figure out how to get in. Looks like we may have to cut it open."

She watched Rush climb up the slight dirt hill, resisting the urge to tell him to be careful. Instead of worrying about him from afar, she closed the distance and climbed up the hill, standing beside him as she watched him study the hull of the ship. When he tried the hatch, she grabbed the free side, trying to help him budge it. She grunts though, as they had no luck in even moving it a centimeter; that hatch was really stuck!

"How much time will that take?"

"More than we have."

"We're pushing it as it is. Lieutenant, let's pack it up.

"Yes, Sir."

"No, just-just give me a couple of more minutes."

"A few minutes is going to make a difference?"

"Well, it might!"

She understood Rush's reason for wanting to stay a little longer. If they could just peek in for a minute or so, they could possibly find out something useful to their advantage. Maybe another address to a stargate that led to a planet more inhabitable. Or maybe a clue as to how they could dial back home. They had to at least try. She continued to try and open the hatch, as Rush went to go put away the scanner he had been using.

"Alright. Well I'm willing to push it if you are. Take your team and head back to the gate."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, we'll be right behind you."

She stood back and allowed Rush more room to try and open up the hatch. She had heard the hesitation in Volker's voice, and could read it on Caine's face. She turned back to face them, and gave them a look that asked and pleaded with them at the same time "trust him." She turned back and her hands were on the hatch again, trying to help Rush move it. She caught his silent look, that told her to "go with them." She gave him a look back, that told him "I'm staying here with you," and he didn't try to argue. Gritting her teeth, she grounded her feet harder into the ground as she really gave the hatch all the muscle she could give, the two of them struggling with the hatch.

"Whatever you say."

Eventually, they both stopped trying to open the damned thing. She stood back, watching as Rush started to examine the hatch from every angle he could possibly get. She looked off as the team slowly disappeared from view, making sure to have gotten a good shot of the team departing. She had been filming Rush, along with herself, trying to open the hatch. She smiled, turning the kino around to secretly tape Rush again, as he made a very valid comment regarding the discovered ship. He just sounded so excited, and she was delighted to hear that excitement, that happiness in his voice.

"You know, Volker was right. This is unlike any other kind of alien technology we've encountered before. If they're indigenous to this part of the universe, they might be willing to trade: knowledge, information. There has to be a way in.

Happy with what she had just recorded and what he had said, she was just about to reach down to grab the scanner again. Maybe she could go and scan a different portion of the ship. Maybe find another solution that could open the door, possibly a button they hadn't found. Along with Rush, she had a feeling there was some way inside. Otherwise, how was this ship ever flown? However, it was Young's next comment to Rush that made her freeze. He sounded so sure of himself, and she was slowly realizing that her suspicions might have been correct. She still didn't know what it was that Young had discussed with Rush earlier, but the way Rush had looked utterly pissed off; she had a feeling it wasn't a good chat between buddies. But the kino footage, they had all seen Spencer do himself in. She also was curious as to why Young was blaming Rush, when they all saw the kino footage had been corrupted as well. So, there was no real evidence as to anyone planting the gun on Young.

"I know it was you."

"I'm sorry?"

"The files…were not corrupted. The kino kept recording until you came into the room. So let's hear it. Let's here how you lie your way out of this one."

She wanted to lash out at Young, for accusing Rush like he was. But she watched Rush step away from the ship, giving her an intense look, before he went to face Young. She continued watching Rush approaching Young, Young taking a few steps back. She didn't know what to do, except let the two of them hear one another out.

"I heard the shot. I went to investigate. Then I found him."

She was shocked at what Rush had just revealed to Young. She was surprised that no one else on that ship heard the gunshot. She thought a huge ship like Destiny, the sound would have reverberated off the walls and bounce back every which way. Young's next comment made her heart rate slow; scared to have thought maybe Rush might have possibly tried to frame Young.

"And then you, uh, you decided to frame me for murder."

"That's a bit melodramatic. Nah. I knew there wouldn't be any real…evidence against you. The idea was to create just enough doubt to get you to step aside."

So that's why Rush had done it. A while back, he had mentioned he was going to devise a plan, to somehow make Young step down from command. So he could rally up as many civilians as possible to help him take control. Again, it was the issue Rush had with Young, regarding Young only caring for himself and his military crew. But she didn't understand why Rush suddenly felt that way. Sure, Young really hadn't stepped up to help them with the power situation, or the life support situation. He commanded the missions, but that was about it, she hated to admit. Young had gone on the Water mission, and had supplied them with more water. But this had also been the water that made them all deadly ill, and they had to experience that horrible kino footage of their past selves at the jungle planet. That gave her shivers all throughout her body, just thinking back to the jungle planet. Her thoughts went back to Young and Rush, still standing afar and watching. The two of them always had a power struggle before, but what was so different now?

"I see. That was the idea."

"Well, you're the wrong man for the job, Colonel. I'm sorry to have to be the one to say it, but I think you know it's true."

"Do I?"

She heard the challenging tone in Young's voice. The fact that Rush's comments were getting that much more sincere and venomous. She was starting to raise flags within her mind, that maybe she should try to intervene before they would do something they'd regret. She started to carefully climb down the hill, as the two continued on.

"You don't believe in the mission. You resigned your position as SG leader because you didn't want to make the hard decisions—the life and death decisions. Well, that makes you a liability. I'm not proud of what I did, but I did it for the benefit of everyone on board."

"The end justifies the means."

"Yeah, something like that."

Suddenly, it all had happened so fast, she wasn't even sure she truly believed what she was seeing. She heard the resounding punch Young had given Rush. And then he wouldn't stop hitting Rush. This made her heart skip a beat, and she immediately closed the distance between them. Both men were scrambling against the ground, both of them trying to dominate the other. Once they stood back up, each of her hands grabbed tightly against the fabric of their shirts, trying to pull the two men apart.

"Stop, both of you! Fighting is not going to get us anywhere. We have to get back through the gate before Destiny-"

She was cut off short as Young's free hand latched itself upon her shoulder and gave a rough shove. She hadn't been prepared for that, and she lost her footing with the momentum, and fell to her hands and knees. She watched Rush's fist quickly shoot into the air, in an attempt to show Young how displeased he was with his last action against her, but Young blocked it. Then she watched Young grab him by the collar of his shirt, the two men giving death stares to one another.

"Are we done?"

Blood. She watched as Rush spat a good bit out of his mouth, and noticed quite a bit dribbling from between his lips. That made her shiver. She wasn't afraid of the sight of blood by any means. But whenever she saw her own, or his, it made her skin crawl and her stomach churn in a way that she almost always got sick. Even now, she was having problems not dry heaving right then and there, as more was starting to drip down from his face. She watched as Rush sneered, and defiantly respond.

"We'll never be done!"

She gasped, getting up to her feet quickly as Young head-butted Rush, watching as he fell to the ground. She watched as he fought to stay conscious, but she had even heard how hard the blow had been to his head, and watched him finally pass out. She immediately went to his side, fingers smoothing the soft hair out of his face, frowning down at him. Why hadn't she done more, and just simply watched this take place? She should have been helping him more, protecting him more. So far, her promise to Gloria wasn't being kept very well, because Rush now lie unconscious beside her. When Young cleared his throat suddenly, she felt all the anger and spitefulness rise up from depths deep within her soul. She had never felt her blood boil so quickly like it was doing now. She dared a glance up in his direction, but never once left Rush's side. Her Gray eyes stared intensely into Young's very being, sending warning daggers his way; letting him know by look alone-she was not pleased with this AT ALL.

"We need to be heading back. Leave him there…"

"Leave him here? Just like that, it's so easy to come up with that idea, huh? Just how badly have you wanted to do this? How bad does it hurt you that you can't kill him that easily?"

"You are out of line, Ms. Dalhberg-"

"Am I? Because I think I have every goddamned right to stand up for him. You may not care for him very much, but I do!"

The sudden shock on Young's face was almost priceless. She chuckled to herself, shaking her head. She almost adapted Rush's dry nature, still glaring up with hate at Young.

"Oh don't look so surprised Colonel. That's right, someone does give a damn about him. Perhaps, maybe you're jealous, because of the fact that Rush did have his wife, and he's always had me from day one."

She had obviously struck a nerve. She had heard from Rush about how Young had developed a relationship with T.J., and that his wife had found out about it and he was now having marital problems with her. He decided not to press her further, and she decided she'd back down…for now.

"I'm only going to ask you once more. Let's get moving, now."

She didn't respond to him, looking down into Rush's face again. But she did lift her hand up, and all her fingers curled down except for one. Her middle finger stood up proud, silently telling him to fuck off. He gave a sarcastic type chuckle, before he turned around and started walking back towards the gate.

"Suit yourself."

She kept watching Young walk off, defiance heavy on her face. But it wasn't until she actually watched him disappear through the wormhole, that reality truly hit her. Young had just abandoned them on this planet. And it seemed Young had no intentions on their well being, or would even consider turning back around to rescue them. She tried not to panic, but she already had too many people in her life simply desert her. And she was starting to feel that unwelcoming feeling within her heart. And it _hurt_. She started to contemplate what was her problem, what it was about her that made everyone want to turn her away. She was thankful that she wasn't completely alone on this planet, but Rush being rendered unconscious wasn't helping. Her heart was beating so rapidly, and she realized she was starting to panic. Panting, she tried to sit back and focus on her breathing, swallowing the bile that threatened to evacuate her throat. Whimpering some to herself, she scooted closer to Rush's body, frowning down at him again.

"Nick, please wake up…"

Of course, she got no response. She looked up into the vacant sky, wondering how long it would be until the planet got dark. And prayed that this planet wouldn't throw any bad weather their way. She could try dragging Rush's body under the safety of the deserted alien ship. But she could risk injuring him even further, and she really didn't want to do that. She probably should have gone to look for something, anything, that might be valuable to their rescue. But again, she wasn't safe with leaving Rush just lying there, defenseless. Doing the only thing she thought to do, she gently laid herself across his body, in the only means to protect him for now. Her head laid against his chest that was thankfully, moving up and down with his gentle breaths. Her ear latched onto the sound of his beating heart, that alone helping calm her frazzled nerves. Her hand moved around, until it found his, fingers clasping around it gently.

"Don't worry, we'll find a way back, together."

It had seemed like days, when it was merely hours, before she awoke out of her thoughts with a start. She quickly heaved herself off of him, looking down as she studied him closer. There! He had moved, and she hadn't realized the breath she had been holding until then. She allowed him to slowly come to on his own, and saw the confusion on his face. She didn't even notice that tears were welling up in her eyes, the weight of their current situation suddenly heavy on her heart again.

"He left us, he left us!"

She watched as Rush got onto his feet, getting up to help steady him. After a silent moment, both of them looked up into the heavens above. Had she not been worried so much, she might have taken the time to appreciate the sheer beauty and mystery a nebula could hold. This planet was really lovely at night. But again, it was night, and they were stranded. With no one to help them, with no means of food or water, or a way to get back to Destiny, much less home. After a moment, Rush gave her a stern look. She wasn't sure if she had read his face right, but she took it as his silent promise that he'd find a way out, somehow. She looked over to their right again, taking notice of the alien ship. If they could find a way inside, at least they would have a different source of shelter, aside from being exposed to God knows what out here.

She gently pulled on his sleeve to get his attention, watching as he finally looked over at the ship as well. Without either of them speaking a word, they both walked the short distance, and both tried the hatch again. It had been a stupid move, but they had to try again. Blindly searching through the dark, the two of them split up exploring the outside of the ship. He took the right while she took the left, having to use their hands and fingers as guidance, since their eyes really couldn't get a good perception in the faint light of the moon above. After a good bit of time, she was about to report to him that she wasn't able to find anything, before his voice caught her off guard. It was a bit rougher sounding than usual, but she knew it was because of the abuse his body had taken thus far.

"Lily, over here!"

She hurried over to his side, straining her eyes to see what looked like a panel he had found. Inside the panel, she could see a good number of buttons. One looked almost like the button they had to use on Destiny to open doors. They both stepped back a good distance, watching Rush reach his arm out again, carefully trying the main button. She jumped a bit as she heard a hiss, but also the sound of metal scraping upon metal. Rush started to walk back over to the front of the ship, and she tried to follow, but his hand raised, silently commanding that she stay put for now. After a few moments, Rush's hand moved in a motion to tell her to come on, and she finally rounded the corner. She chuckled to herself, proud that Rush had finally figured out how to open the ship.

That didn't mean they were out of the dark yet, literally. Blindly searching the walls, she was hoping maybe they could find another button or switch for some kind of lighting. Frowning, she continued forward blindly, grunting some as she ran into something solid and hard. She heard Rush scramble to get to her, but she shook her head.

"No, I'm okay. Just…ran into something…"

After her hands searched a moment, she felt more buttons and flinched when she accidentally touched one. But when some kind of lighting turned on within the inside of the ship, she got an approving grin from Rush. Had her adrenaline not been rushing through her veins at that moment, she might have taken the time to blush. It was rare that she felt like she had been valuable to Rush. Blinking down at the offensive thing her body had rammed into, she noticed it was a control panel. This was Rush's department, and she kindly stepped to the side, allowing him access.

"Hopefully, I can find a way to dial a stargate, or possibly Destiny."

"Do we want to return, after what Young did?"

A long pause and stern stare exchanged between the both of them. She seriously wanted to wrap her arms around his waist, for him to tell her that this had never happened. Instead, she placed a hand on his shoulder, frowning and admitting openly.

"I…didn't want to believe you at first, about your suspicions of Young. I guess I was relying too much on the fact that he was a Colonel. That…he had everyone's best interest. He…did tell me to leave you behind. I couldn't. After seeing what he did to you…I'm expendable to him. At least with you, I know you won't just…"

She didn't have to say anymore. She watched Rush work, trying all kinds of different combinations on the console to get the results they were desperately seeking. Neither of them knew of what was to come, from simply activating the wrong button. She laughs out openly, relieved when Rush did finally bring up a screen. Her eyes light up as she notices some of the symbols…stargate addresses. They could make it, if they hurried to the stargate just outside of the ship. Rush was just about to start dialing, when they suddenly heard a rather loud crash.

"What was that?"

She asked, the two of them standing, simply trying to listen. Shadows suddenly danced across the wall behind them, as it seemed several figures entered the doorway. What they saw next, neither of them would ever forget. Tall, blue, bug looking aliens, and by their screeching chatter, they sounded pissed! Rush started to back up, which forced her to move backwards with him, as the aliens stepped closer. Now she wasn't concerned with how foolish or wrong she thought it was to hold onto Rush. Her hands clasped on his shoulders, eyes wide, trying not to panic.

"Lily, when I tell you to run, you run…"

She wanted to argue, demand he tell her what his plan of action was. And also ask if he was serious, and was fucking crazy asking her to just try and run. But all she could do was nod, her eyes never leaving the aliens, but also eyeing that open hatch door. She was just waiting for his signal, his command that she needed to strive for survival.

"NOW!"

At his loud command, the aliens charged forward. She took off sprinting as hard and fast as she could. She heard Rush grunting, hands clasped on the shoulders of an alien, its clawed hands clasped onto his. She heard an even louder grunt of pain, and heard his body falling hard against the console. She heard his glasses falling to the ground and scattering somewhere off in the distance. She had been running, but upon hearing Rush being knocked out again, she stopped to turn back around for him.

"Nick…"

Crying out in fear, she felt an alien grab her around the waist tightly, rendering her from moving. As it lifted her up like she weighed absolutely nothing, she continued to try and give up a fight. She flung her legs in every which way, actually kicking one in the head. Her arms flung in every direction, hoping she could lash at one with her nails. She tried to fling her body back, to push her weight back, hoping the momentum would make the alien release her. But that was wishful thinking. Soon, a good number of them was making sure she couldn't struggle at all; and she had successfully pissed them off even more. A rather tall one approached her, noticing this one was wearing a type of cape looking garment. She watched his hand suddenly come from behind his back, and she actually did feel her blood freeze, and her heart stop. Just seeing the huge syringe and even larger needle took her back to a very dark place. A place she had hoped to hide from, and forever lock away, to never hurt her again. She visually shook, and couldn't help the tears, or the pleading sound of her voice.

"Don't…please…"

She really started to panic, as it got closer, and prepared to inject her in the shoulder. They had no right! Just what exactly was in that syringe, what was that stuff going to do to her? What were they going to do with _them_? Her eyes widened as two of them had Rush secured by the arms, lifting his unconscious body up. One of them had what looked to be an alien gun of sorts, and watched it lift the gun up, aiming it at Rush…

"NO DON'T!!!! Please, do whatever you wish with me, just don't hurt Nick!"

She wasn't even sure they understood her. But her body language alone, had suddenly given them the proper signals they needed to proceed. She cried out in pain and horror, as she felt the long needle sting and pierce through her skin. She felt the incredibly long needle dig deeply, past skin, past tissue, finally finding its target; her brachial artery. She instantly tensed up, having never had a needle inject in an artery before. A cold sweat formed along her hairline; if she even flinched the tiniest bit, that needle could kill her. Feeling whatever liquid was in the syringe start to flow into the vessel of the artery, she felt as if she would get sick. Satisfied, the alien slowly removed the needle, disposing of it and the syringe.

She wasn't sure what it was that would happen next, but whatever they had drugged her with, wasn't taking long to affect her. Vertigo reared its ugly head first, then her mind started to become foggy, and she was having problems even focusing. Soon enough, her entire body started to feel heavy, and she suddenly relied on the support of the aliens just to keep her on her feet. Her brain quipped for just a quick second, what it was that they had done to her. _**Sedation**_**.** Her mind quietly told her, and it had been a pretty heavy sedative too. After another moment, her knees buckled and she did fall to them. Hadn't her arms been held by those aliens, she would have fallen completely on herself. Taking one final glance up, the last thing she saw was two aliens carrying Rush's body out of the ship. She felt her own body being lifted, before she allowed her eyes to slip close in a drugged induced haze, unable to escape for the time being.

* * *

Author's Notes: I did use the transcript to the episode "Justice" to use in the story, to kind of remind everyone what had taken place between Rush and Young. And the more positive reviews/comments I get, may persuade me to keep writing this story. I promise the next chapter, will be even more Sci-Fi themed. There is plenty in stored for Rush and Lily.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO: "THE ENCOUNTER, PART ONE"**

By the time he became conscious, he realized he wasn't on that barren planet anymore. It took him a moment to get his bearings, and it didn't help that the back of his head was throbbing something wicked. Suddenly, it all flashed back to him. The fight he had with Young, being rendered unconscious and waking up to find not only himself but also Lily stranded. They both had gone back to that deserted ship and were able to get inside that time. He remembered they had been poking around, trying to find a way to get back to the Destiny. Then blue aliens surrounding them; he had told Lily to run away. Then…darkness. He felt a sudden pit in his stomach, as he finally came back to the real world, and realized he was somewhere completely new. It was a space ship, from what he could see, and upon further inspection, he realized he was being dragged. He looked up slowly, realizing two of the blue aliens were dragging him down a long corridor. He wasn't given much time to do anything else, as the pair of them realized he was conscious. They immediately hoisted him onto his feet, screeching at him and continuing to pull him down the corridor. Obviously, they had grown tired of carrying his ass.

He tried to program into his memory the layout of this ship as he continued to follow the aliens. This ship didn't seem as large as the Destiny was, but if he was going to escape, he had to know where the hell he was going. He eyed these aliens out the corner of his eye, a storm stirring deep within him. Oh, how badly he wanted to attack now. However, they had been two steps ahead of him, having his wrist and ankles shackled. He grunted also as they had hooked up this breathing apparatus on his head. It was heavy, and it made it difficult to lift his head all the way. He supposed he should consider himself lucky. After all, they could have just left him to breath their air, whatever it was they breathed. Still, he wondered if this was better than being stuck on a planet. Chuckling a bit, he shook his head. Either scenario, he was probably as good as dead.

"_Cheers."_

It seemed like they had been walking forever, seeing miles and miles of corridors. He took notice that there were what appeared to be doors that littered the corridors throughout. He started to become curious, as to where they were taking him now; and also, if Lily had managed to escape. He didn't want to think that she was trapped as well. Soon, they came to a stop in front of a large doorway. Once the hatch opened, he felt dread and realization hit him all at once. It didn't take a genius to know a medical lab when he saw one. What made him uneasy was the fact that there was a solitary examination table, in the middle of the room. And when he looked up to further inspect the room, he saw glass panels lining the walls surrounding the room. And behind those glass panels, stood blue aliens, waiting to view the show that they were about to be rewarded with. This wasn't good.

"_Bollocks."_

He struggled as more of them came to assist in dragging him to the table. He managed to break out of their grasps a few times, but he was only further pissing them off. He quickly flinched when he felt a sudden sharp, burning sensation in the side of his neck. He could feel the needle in the main artery of his neck; they were pretty clever. Striking a major artery would mean whatever they just injected in him, would travel through his system much faster. Grunting, he felt his body weight suddenly get too heavy and he crashed onto his knees. The aliens responded quickly by lifting him and placing him on the table. Straps and latches closed around wrists, ankles, legs, waist, and head; to ensure he couldn't move. If he even could move. Whatever he was drugged with now, he supposed was why he felt paralyzed. The drug was also working to keep him calm, to the point where reality seemed like some kind of lucid dream. When they moved, it was slow and he could see the movement in ripples along the atmosphere. Whenever they chattered or screeched, it reverberated in his ears and seemed to echo for hours. He could feel his heart rate slowing down incredibly; but not enough to kill him. He felt like he was going to pass out a few times, but this drug was also keeping him very aware of what was about to take place.

He couldn't move to the sound, but he started to hear a steady beeping noise beside him. If he could turn his head, he would have seen the panel that they were now inspecting. A panel that had all of his vitals displayed; heart rate, oxygen level, blood type. Even a full body diagram of his organs, vessels, fingers, toes, everything. If he was in his right state of mind, he might have been fascinated, inquiry about how they were able to obtain all that information about him, when there wasn't a bloody thing attached to him.

Damn, he spoke too soon.

When he felt them removing his clothes, that's when he should have felt his personal space being invaded. And that maybe they were getting a little _too_ close for comfort. But that lucid drug induced haze they had put him under, he barely extinguished the fact that he now lie before them, completely nude. Then came all the numerous stabs of needles that they laced in a number of places on his anatomy. If he was in his right state of mind, he would see they were still obtaining information about his body. How it functioned, what organs lied within, distinctive features. They were making a full database of what consisted of a male Tau'ri.

The group of aliens soon left the panel and was now looking down at him. One of them picked up this silver looking device that had a line of yellow lights going down the side. He grunted slightly, as the device made a whirring sort of humming noise, as they attached it to the side of his forehead. A similar looking device, with the exception that this one had red lights going along the side, was being situated on one of the aliens' head. If he had to guess, this particular alien was the leader of the pack. This one was a lot taller than the others surrounding it, and he wore what looked like a robe or cape type garment. He cried out suddenly, as the whirring noise intensified, and he could hear a demanding voice within his mind.

"_Tell us everything you know."_

So, their true motives were to find out about the Destiny. They had probably been tracking her for some time now. Or had tried to in the past and was unsuccessful. Of course, he didn't give any information out willingly, resisting their probing and assault within his mind. But that didn't mean they weren't able to probe deep enough to find out some useful information. He grunted a bit to himself, that couldn't be helped. And he only hoped that once he got out of this situation, they wouldn't be able to use any of that information to their own benefit. He coughed a bit, as they hastily removed the breathing device off his face, inhaling sharply. Had he been in his right mind, he would have chided to himself how stupid he had been. They breathed oxygen, and he had suddenly noticed his hair was wet; had been wet this entire time. Just where the hell had he been earlier? It was obvious that the breathing mask had been put on, before they knew for sure what air he breathed. But why the hell was he wet?

He didn't have time to ponder on this further, as the angry voice of the head alien chirped within his mind once more. He wasn't aware that the mind probing devices also meant that he could fully understand him, and vice versa. Still, he didn't say anything in reply, or offer any more information they were seeking. Not satisfied with this, the head alien stepped aside, but didn't remove the mind-probing device. He grunted, struggling a bit as a few of them suddenly grabbed his head, and was prying his mouth open. He tried to move his head, as he saw one of them holding a purple pill, but he could barely move it. Soon, the pill was shoved in, and they held his mouth closed so he had no choice but to swallow it. He dried swallowed, coughing a bit as it was bitter tasting, but also had gone down rather roughly. He felt his mind still floating in a haze, eyes blinking up at them, as they all simply watched him and monitored the display.

At first, he felt nothing. He wondered if they had just supplied him with some kind of vitamin or something of the sort. Was he ever wrong. It was instant, and he felt his body become stiff. An electricity of sorts was coursing from his brain, down his spine, all down his arms, legs and even to his toes. It wasn't painful, it almost felt kind of good. _Really good_ actually. It made him feel warm all over, and the electrical pulses within his brain was making him feel stimulated. He never realized that he was actually _becoming_ stimulated. His eyes shut tightly, toes curling and he heard himself purr deeply within his throat; he was feeling fantastic. He hadn't felt this way ever since Gloria, and god, he missed it. He could feel one of them, grabbing him, helping him along. What was the purpose of all this then, he wondered, but only briefly.

Shuddering and groaning out, it had ended just as quickly as it had begun. Panting to himself, it took him a moment before he could open his heavy eyes. They passed along a vial of something he was all too familiar with. Okay, this was now getting a bit too much, even for him. Just what were they going to do with that? They seemed satisfied with him, for now, because he suddenly felt clamps and straps being removed. Two of them hauled him off the table by his arms, while a few others started to dress him in what appeared to be a wet suit. He was still trying to come down from his high, otherwise he would have noticed they were wearing the same suits. As soon as he was dressed, they started to drag him out the room, the head alien watching from afar.

* * *

It had been a week. One long, hellish nightmare, just one right after another. He was tired, he physically hurt, he was tired of the mind probing, and was damned near tired of being here. Fuck, he was ready to go back to Destiny and actually _apologize_ to Colonel Young. Yeah, it was that bad. And he hated the fact that he was just wasting time when he should have been acting. It had been three days before he discovered that Lily was aboard the ship as well. They had brought him to the lab a few more times, and performed that same odd experiment where they got him to his peak, and took what they needed as a result. All the while, he still couldn't figure out just what their purpose for having that stuff was. They had also planted a tracking device in his chest. Damn, he'd have to deal with that little annoyance, when he got back to Destiny.

But that was besides the point. When he was taken back there, he had discovered they had taken her necklace. When he would escape, he'd have to remember to get that necklace back for her. He remembered from a chat he had with her once, that it had been her mother's, and it was the only heirloom she ever obtained from her mom. It was very important to her. Almost like Gloria's old performance pieces were for him.

Since being on this ship, he had never seen Lily. He wasn't sure where they were holding her, or what they were doing to her. He hoped, they were treating her a bit better than they were treating him. Still, he was worried because she wasn't as smart as he was, they'd be harming her. He wasn't sure if these aliens valued women more than men, like humans did. He wasn't even sure what a female…whatever these aliens were, looked like. From what he could gather, they all appeared to be male. If they did have females on board, there mustn't have been many; or they weren't the ones who did all the work like the males were. God, he even missed Eli. That's how bad it was.

When they couldn't get him to open up to them, and provide any information, either they beat him until he was unconscious, or they would probe his mind for hours, getting whatever they could from him. His brain was tired from all the constant probing, and he was pretty sure he had some battle scars. Thankfully, they hadn't broke anything, or worse, killed him. Still, there were a few occasions he had to be cleaned up, due to the mucus, blood and saliva that they managed to get to surface when roughing him up. He also felt frail. They weren't providing him with much nourishment, if you could call it that. The gloop back on Destiny was a lot better than what these aliens provided him with. He hardly ate, and when he did, he noticed it would come back up hours later. He felt like a walking skeleton. Even their water was a lot different than what he was used to.

That's another thing. These aliens seemed to use water for a lot of purposes. So what he originally thought about these aliens proved to be incorrect. These aliens weren't bug like, they almost seemed amphibian. They took showers using water, although he wasn't sure what purpose that served. Their "skin" felt slimy and cold, like a salamander or a gecko. They didn't appear to get dirty or smell like humans did. But they seemed to have a dislike if other beings appeared dirty or smell. They often took him to be bathed. That might sound like a nice thing, accept for the invasion of privacy it bestowed. And their holding tanks, for whenever they'd want him to go into stasis. It was a water prison, literally. They would inject you, to render you almost paralyzed, stick the breathing mask on you, and just submerge you. It hadn't bothered him, at first. But when it became a constant thing, it had started to unnerve him. He started to become paranoid; he could drown, he could choke, he could simply be left there until the water got to be too much on his body. Not to mention if the pressure of the water ever changed, the pressure could literally crush him to death.

That's why, after a week later, after pondering the effects of this paralyzed state of his body, he decided. It was time to act. He'd rest, he'd secretly think and come up with a plan. He'd idly wait; make them think they had him had. But when the time is right, and when he had the best course of action carefully planned, he'd give a perfect execution. Nicholas Rush had taken a lot from these aliens…but soon, he wouldn't anymore. That wasn't the plan, it was a promise.

* * *

Author's Notes:

I just wanted to let everyone know that this is the "cleaner" version of this chapter. If you want to read the chapter, as I had planned it, without any rating restrictions, you can read it at my Live Journal.

If you want the link for the page, PM me on here, and I'd be more than happy to give it to you. Or look on my main account page, and see if I was able to link to it there.

Just know, it is "Friends Only" at this time, however, you can leave a comment and just let me know you came here via my story here on . And I'll be more than happy to add you as a friend and you can read this unedited chapter, plus the ones to follow in this story. Also, this chapter won't be as long like the next chapter (Lily's version) will. That is because there are plenty of stories out there, where people come up with what has happened to Rush when he got abducted. I didn't want to do something someone else had thought of. And if anyone reads this chapter, but doesn't feel like reading the unedited, and still don't get what's going on well…use your imagination, I guess. Or read on. It will ALL become clear, much later. I will not give adult scenarios to minors, since I'm not allowed to write as such on here.

And please, read and review.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE: "THE ENCOUNTER, PART TWO"**

She wasn't sure how much time had passed between the time she got rendered unconscious to now. The sedative was still coursing through her veins, when her body allowed her to somewhat come to. Her heart raced as she realized she was on a foreign ship, and she was surrounded by these blue aliens. The same ones who managed to capture Nicholas. Her head lazily looked around the room she was in now. It was very bleak; there wasn't a thing in this room, from what she could see. The walls and floors were a bright white, and she had to close her eyes a bit, because the offensive color suddenly hurt to look at. Her hand instinctively went to rub against her shoulder, but it slowed to a stop as realization overtook her. Then, shame and fear suddenly racked all throughout her body, causing it to shiver and quake. She had been stripped of all of her clothes. And now, these aliens were surrounding her, studying and eyeing her nude form.

Her hands and arms went to defensively cover herself up, her cheeks a bright pink at the sudden invasion of her body. They acted as if the act didn't faze them. In fact, they weren't showing much of anything at her being nude. Still nervous, she didn't make an attempt to move, trying to force her brain to function properly. She wanted to move, to cower in the corner and pray these aliens would just leave her be. Her brain was still under the spells of the sedation, and that just made her freeze in her spot. She suddenly wanted and needed Nicholas. The memories of her rape started to flood back into her mind, and it made her cringe. Just as she was about to fall on her knees, a few of the aliens grabbed her, to stop her body from crashing to the ground. She wasn't sure why she was suddenly showing so much vulnerability, there was only one person who got to see that side of her. And now, she wasn't sure what they had done with him.

It took her a moment to realize quickly, that these aliens were not being hostile to her. Not like they had been initially. They were not holding her in a tight grasp. In fact, their grasp was more of a steadying measure, to make sure she didn't harm herself. Probably due to the fact that they had her heavily sedated. If they weren't holding onto her now, she probably would have hurt herself. She hurt herself often, when she wasn't under the influence of anything. She was just naturally clumsy. A few of them chattered softly, almost in a purring nature, as they slowly started to lead her towards another section of the room. So, they were not speaking to her in a hostile manner either. Her brain wanted to desperately ponder why they were treating her so differently now. Was there something special about her? Her mind couldn't focus on a single thought; it only allowed her to walk, stumbling slightly a few times. They stopped her when she was in a much smaller room, but designed the same way as the other one had been. White walls, floors, and not a thing in sight. But when she looked up, she saw what appeared to be, what reminded her of what a shower head looked like.

She was correct. Soon, she felt hot, but not scolding, water start to pour from above. The sudden change in temperature made her body start to panic, and she cried out and tried to run away. They grabbed her firmly, but not in a means to hurt her, and pulled her back under the shower spray. She only stood there, shivering, despite the fact that the hot water actually felt _really_ nice against her skin. She couldn't remember how long it had been since she took a decent shower. How long had it been since they arrived on the Destiny? The steam showers on Destiny were adequate enough, but she was a fan of water. And a regular shower or bath, she preferred those any day. But she wasn't exactly fond of a shower like this. Aliens who had just abducted her, aliens whom she wasn't sure of their motives. Aliens who were now lathering her down with, what she hoped was a soap of some kind. Afraid they would bathe her in acid or something of the sort. But when she didn't feel her skin burn or melt away, she allowed a small sigh of relief. Whatever they were bathing her with, wasn't so bad. It felt like shea butter almost, and it was helping to make her body relax some, even though she wouldn't allow herself to relax too much. She couldn't trust these aliens to not turn defensive, if she allowed herself to let her guard down.

The shower ended, and in one brief moment of clarity, it dawned on her what it was they had just done. They had decontaminated her, in a sense. These aliens were just as clueless about her as she was about them. This was probably so they wouldn't catch any harmful diseases or airborne threats from her. And she wondered if they had an issue with cleanliness. Aside from their skin feeling cold and the texture reminding her of a frog, they seemed clean. Without the warmth of the shower, she stood there dripping and shivering, as they guided her away from the shower head. She froze, as the aliens in the room stepped aside and allowed this really tall alien to step forward. Just the height of this one made her nervous, not being very tall herself. It chattered something to the others, and they soon left the room. Now, it was just her and this alien, alone. It was also wearing a cape of some sorts, and it seemed to her that this particular alien might have been the commander. Or at least, the alien who ran the ship. It carefully offered her a blanket or towel of sorts, both of them visibly flinching as their skin touched. It watched her carefully, as she gratefully covered herself; it seemed pleased by this.

It was its turn to place a hand on her shoulder gently, and started to guide her out of the room and into the corridor. She wondered, in another brief moment away from the drug haze, if these aliens were truly amphibious. It was freezing in the corridors, and the floor was also very cold, almost like ice. She wished they would have given her something for her feet too, but was thankful to, at least, have this blanket. It didn't say anything to her, simply guided her into another room. She became nervous again, trying to step back and away as she saw the lab. But when it insisted with a push of its hand, she could only just walk in. Maybe if she just went along with them, they wouldn't become hostile again. They might even spare her, if their plan was to kill her eventually. She, regretfully, laid herself upon the examination table, and whimpered slightly when the blanket was removed again. She tried not to flinch or cry out, as they stuck a few more needles into her, eyes shutting tightly.

She tried to force that memory out of her head. She loathed in the fact that even though she considered herself a survivor from that situation, it continued to haunt her. She never completely forgave herself for going down the route of being a heroine addict. Even though, initially, it had been out of her control. Still, she felt as if everyone looked at her, and could tell she had once been an addict. Even when Nick would look at her. It was foolish, she knew, but that's how she felt. And hadn't it been for Nicholas being there, and constantly reminding her how stupid of a mistake that had been, and forced her to get treatment. It sent chills down her spin thinking what might have become of her, had she not gotten help. Had he not been there for her. She felt worse now. She should have done more to help Nick, instead of letting him get captured too.

A beeping took her out of her thoughts, and she moved her head to the sound. Now the aliens surrounded a panel, and she realized the beeping was of her heart rate. It sounded a little fast, but even enough, she supposed. The panel also had a pretty detailed layout of her anatomy, and she was a bit surprised. She was sure doctors had similar methods about doing the same thing, but this was incredible. They weren't monitoring and studying just one organ or function. They were studying everything, in real time. Her lungs expanding and returning with each breath she took, her heart palpitating within her chest, her muscles, bones, vessels, and tendons flexing as she barely wiggled her toes. Also, her brain functioning, sending electrical pulses, despite her body's lack of actually listening. They all chattered now, purring in chorus, as they seemed very pleased about something. She was praying they would remove the needles now, however, they remained in place. They left the panel, and they all surrounded her, blinking and staring at her. A nervous sound left her voice; she couldn't tell if it had been a whimper or a chuckle. However, her silent message got across to them.

She flinched a bit, as one of them suddenly attached a metal strip to her forehead, the whirring noise racking her frazzled nerves. She hadn't gotten a chance to get a good look at it before they attached it. She also wasn't sure when or how long they had the device on them, or what its purpose was for. Soon, the alien who had put the device on her head, gave a similar one to its leader. It didn't look too advanced; just a metal strip with lights along it. The lights on that one were red in color, and she watched as it placed the strip to its head now. She saw it flinch momentarily, before she felt her heart race. A voice. She had just heard a voice in her head. She concentrated, as she heard the voice again, somewhat fascinated.

"_Relax. We will try to make this as painless as possible…"_

Make what as painless as possible? What were they planning to do with her? She wondered if these devices is what was allowing it to talk to her. To allow it to speak English, because what they had spoken before, was nothing she could ever understand. She felt some of them grab her again, straps being tied around her arms and legs, and panic started to rise again. As she struggled against the straps, it tried again, in an attempt to calm her. She panted, shuddering as she felt a tear roll down her cheek. She _really_ wanted him here now. Nick always knew what to say, from a scientific perspective, about these kinds of situations. He was the only person she had left, who remotely gave a damn. And being thrown into this situation, with beings she knew nothing about, or their purpose for her, she just felt really vulnerable. She longed to, at least, see that Nick was okay. She mournfully looked up at the head alien, speaking to it for the first time since she was captured.

"_Where is Nicholas?" _

Of course, it had been a failed attempt. And it seemed he hadn't understood whom or what she meant. She was only assuming these aliens in the lab with her, were male. Their physche appeared to be masculine, but this was only an assumption. She wasn't sure if the females looked the same as males. If they had any females. At least, by voice alone, the leader sounded male. He soon turned his back on her, and was attending to something on a table. She swallowed, closing her eyes, and willing her rapid heart to slow down. She was afraid she'd go into cardiac arrest before they'd attempt to do anything to her. That, was a scary thought. What would they have done with her carcass then? Surely, they didn't want some dead human girl in their ship. Who would?

When the leader turned back around, it was the instrument in his hands that made her go rigid. Her body went rigid, all mental thoughts ceased. It even felt as if her blood and heart stopped. The wave of panic that flooded her senses this time, was overwhelming. She wanted to pass out, hoping she was just having a really bad nightmare. And she'd wake up on Destiny, and laugh at herself for how dumb she felt. Having nightmares like these, like when she was a kid. But this was no nightmare, unfortunately. This was really happening, and not knowing what the purpose of that instrument was terrified her. She shook, as some of the aliens surrounded her and braced her. What were they bracing her for? They had strapped her down, wasn't that enough?

What happened next, it almost seemed like a blur. When that long white tube was inserted inside her most intimate part. How much that had stung, more tears rolling down her face. She remembered begging for the leader to stop, that whatever she did, she was sorry. She was begging for it to stop, or for them to just end her life. That's how bad this was. They were invading her most intimate area, and it was hurting her. It was like reliving the evaluation from the doctor, after her rape. She had wanted him there then too, but he was still married then. And Gloria had been dealing with her cancer. She didn't want to seem greedy; Gloria needed him more at that time. But when the doctor told her…that the greedy son of a bitch, who raped her, had stripped her of her capability to have children. She felt a piece of herself **die**. She remembered collapsing to the ground, her girl friends not knowing what they could say to make the situation better.

Ever since she was a little girl, her only two dreams she ever had, was to one day get married and become a mother. Her own mother had died giving birth to her, and she felt she owed her mother. To show her mom up in Heaven, that she could be the mom…she never got the opportunity to be. She longed for children. She had dreams about them often. Waking up and making them breakfast, having tickle fights, being pregnant with them. It was something she had looked forward to for years. And, the moment she found out that she'd never be able to, she stopped having those dreams. It hurt her too much to even bare to think about having children now. Because, it'll never happen now.

But for these aliens to have inserted something into her, there, it felt like they were making damned sure she couldn't. If there ever was a slim sliver of a chance she could. She screamed, she thrashed, she begged, yet they continued. Eventually, she felt the tube slowly exit; yet it still stung. Personally, the invasive damage was done. The leader continued to chatter within her mind, telling her to relax, that it'd be all over soon. The probing to her mind was getting to be a bit too much as well. She flinched as one of them injected her with more sedative, to try and calm her nerves down again. Then, a second injection of this bright purple liquid was put into her arm. She didn't have time to ponder what it was they were injecting into her now, the sedative worked quicker this time. Soon enough, the stinging between her legs subsided, as her body started to relax. By the time the drug overtook her, she was fast asleep, unaware of what they might have done to her.

* * *

They did the same procedure a few more times, though those times it went a lot quicker. She still was foggy as to what it was they had done, or continued to do. Other than that, the aliens had been pretty okay with her. They offered her a cot of sorts to sleep in when she was tired (or heavily drugged), and would let her out to walk around whenever they felt that she needed to. Of course, each time, someone escorted her. And each time, they never allowed her to see Nicholas, wherever they were holding him. They offered her plenty of drinking water, though it was a little different than what she was used to drinking. And surprisingly, they had a good amount of fruit that was edible. Overall, it seemed their goal was to take care of her as best to their abilities.

She still was unclear why they wanted to take care of her. Going back on her Sociology notes, she wondered if they valued and respected the female species, like humans did. She wondered if they had chivalry methods, and maybe possibly, thought of females as being the higher and more intelligent of the sexes. But that also begged the question, if that was the case, where were their women? She had yet to stumble into a female. At least the males were keeping her safe and healthy. Although, she wasn't fond of being sedated and being a lab mouse, they often gave her vitamins in the form of a liquid. Actually, whatever they were doing, was helping the malnourishment that had started to affect her body on the Destiny. She had actually gained two pounds the week she had been with these aliens.

But thinking about what they might be doing to Nick was killing her. She desperately missed him, and she often thought about trying to go exploring on her own. To find him and somehow help them escape to get back on the Destiny. But she was afraid that, she wasn't sure why they would, but maybe they had taken a liking to her. And she was afraid if she tried to help Nick, they might just take him away from her forever, to teach her a lesson. She didn't want them harming him. And somewhere, deep down inside of herself, she had a feeling he wasn't being treated as well as she was.

She could hear the humming of the device still attached to her forehead. They had been trying to ask her about the Destiny for a while now. But every time, they'd get the same responses, truthful responses. She didn't know how to operate the Destiny, she couldn't tell them anything about her history, what she was made of, how old she was, nothing. Nick was the expert in all that Ancient stuff, and that was the only thing she could offer them. Was that the Destiny was simply Ancient in design, and was really old. Bleak, cut and dry responses, and they seemed to give up quickly. She was glad when they would; she had a feeling they were after Destiny this entire time. Might even try to take everyone else on board captive, just so they could obtain their prize. Everyone on the Destiny may be on ends, no one trusting anyone. A lot of the civilians loathed her, because of the fact that she was behind Rush's alliance. And not a lot of them, trusted Rush at the moment. Still, she wouldn't wish any ill harm on any of them. When you remove the titles, degrees, ranks and abilities, they all were civilian; human.

She looked up as she heard the noise of the door opening, and saw the leader alien standing there. She stood up and walked over, having only seen him whenever she was brought to the lab. He didn't say anything, having taken off the device, but brought her out into the corridor. They walked silently, a few other aliens passing by, chattering softly, before going on their way. She looked around as she noticed she was in a different part of the ship, and he opened another hatch. It almost looked like a mess hall, although the aliens in here weren't eating. It seemed like they had just been visiting one another. What kind of aliens she saw in this room, made her almost cry in delight.

These aliens, although they closely resembled the males, were definitely female. They were a lot shorter in height, their hips were a bit more defined and fuller than the males. Although they didn't have breasts, they did have a more defined shape to the chest cavity as well. The females were dressed in the same wet suits as the males, except they wore these really extravagant headdresses. It reminded her of what women in the Egypt time periods would have worn, except with crystal pieces. The leader walked in and all the females became silent, standing to his attention. He chattered something to them, before he allowed her to walk further into the room. She heard him leave, and looked around the room some more. The females studied her, before a majority of them went about their way. She noticed all of them had the same mind devices on their heads, though since none were linking directly to her, she was only hearing the same alien chatter. But suddenly, one voice piped up, and her head went in the direction it had come from.

There, all alone in a corner, sat one female. She cautiously walked over to it, offering it a kind smile. She didn't want to startle her, in case she had heard wrong. But she had said hello to her, and she was making no attempt to become hostile or move from her spot. Sitting down slowly, she decided that she probably should respond back.

"_Hello. I don't…mean you any harm."_

"_I'm not worried about you harming me. So, you're an Earth creature, a Tau'ri._

"_Yeah, I guess so."_

Now she felt stupid. If they had originally thought of humans to be intelligent creature, she just exposed that there were some out there who weren't so clever. She had heard Nick use the term before, plenty of times. Hell, they had explained to her before all the different names that linked to different species. They had told her it was important to know, since all this information had been discovered by the greats of the past. Such as Carter and Dr. Jackson. But again, it was Nick's blind and sudden decision to have her join on the Stargate Program, the Icarus Project that landed her even the possibility of experiencing all this. …She still couldn't figure out what Nick saw in her. The female was still watching her, studying her, and she could almost see, what she thought was a smile.

"_You're very lovely looking."_

This female alien had just complimented her, and she was a bit taken back. But to show that she was appreciative, she offered her another smile, nodding.

"_Thanks. You're nice looking too. My name is Lily."_

The female didn't offer her a name. Probably because she wouldn't have been able to understand it. She felt a bit silly, for acting so hesitant and unsure around the female aliens. She had been wondering about them for a whole week, and now, they're here and she's still scared to overstep some boundary. The female must have noticed, having felt a gentle touch to her shoulder.

"_Don't be scared Lily. No one here has any intention to harm you. Trust me in that."_

"_If you say so, then I guess I can trust you."_

"_Tell me a little about yourself. And don't worry, I'm not probing for any information the alphas may be after. The other Omegas, including myself, are not interested in capturing ships. We are here for other purposes, the main reason to keep our species alive."_

"_I know what you mean. What do you want to know about me?"_

"_Whatever you would like to tell me."_

"_Well, I'm 24 years old. I was born in the United States, in the Southern state of Louisiana. Where I lived for 6 years before I was shipped off to Maryland. I lived there until I was around 11 years of age, before I was adopted. At that time, my adoptive parents were on their way back to live in Louisiana. So I went back with them. …I rather not think back to them. I…fled home at age 16 and hitchhiked to California. Because I was home schooled at the orphanage, I was able to skip a few grades. So by the time I made it to California, I was able to enroll in some college courses. At 18, I enrolled in a Physics class that kind of helped me achieve what I have today. And why I ended up on the Destiny."_

"_What happened to your birth parents?"_

"_My mother died giving birth to me. And my father, I think it was just too much for him to take. He went down hill after her death. He tried to be a father for me, but when I was 6, he finally decided he had enough and gave me away. I don't know if he's still out there, or if he decided that…that was it. I have never heard from him since. I don't remember my mom or dad, or my adoptive parents either."_

"_Fleeing home that young, they must not have been good."_

"_No, they were heroine addicts and dealers. Heroine is a very nasty narcotic, drug. They forced me to become an addict myself, by pushing heroine on me. It…was a very gray area of my life. I've overcome that, and will never go back down that path again."_

"_How were you able to manage out of that?"_

When the female asked her that, she flushed deeply. It was just a habit of hers, that she had been able to keep hidden for some time now. But whenever she thought about Rush, she just couldn't help it.

_"My Physics Professor paid for and made sure I got the help I needed. He's actually been there for me, for many years. He's the one who offered the opportunity for me to be on the Destiny. How we got there, is a long story. A lot of people are upset that he stranded us, but I don't mind. It gives me a chance to get to know him better. Before, we've always been colleagues but now, I have a chance, maybe. He's really great. He's so intelligent, insightful, charming, courageous, understanding, masculine. He's got shoulder length dark hair. Soft, makes you want to run your fingers through it. He's not too incredibly tall, which is fine with me, since I'm so short. His Scottish accent, sometimes you can't understand him, yet, you can't take your ears away from him. His eyes, so dark and penetrating. When they're stern they look deep into your soul. But when they're soft, you can just see all the vulnerability he hides behind that wall of his. He has great sense of style; he's so cute with his glasses on. He's hard working, sincere, mysterious…"_

"_Sounds like he's your mate."_

That comment from the female made her pause. She understood what the female had meant by mate, but for someone to just suggest that Rush was her lover, her mate, her man. Her blush deepened, god, did she wish that was true. How she longed for Nick to see more in her than what he did see in her. He had been attracted to Gloria, because she was smart, free spirited, and beautiful. She was Nick's opposite, in many ways, and opposites often attract. Dr. Perry, she remembered he had always been fond of her intelligence. They had worked together a lot, at the university and often chatted on their free time. She had caught them once or twice having long chats, especially once Gloria had died. So what did that make her? What did he really see in her, if he did see anything.

_"No, he's not my mate. Just a really close friend."_

"_But, it sounds like you really care for him. Attracted to him, am I correct?"_

"_You are. Actually, I'm worried sick. I haven't seen him since I was taken aboard. I'm afraid they might have killed him."_

She saw the female shake her head, standing up. At first, she just continued to sit there, until the female gestured for her to get up. Getting up, she followed the female out of the room and into the corridor. It seemed like they had walked forever, until the female finally stopped in front of a door. Once it opened, they both stepped inside, looking forward. Along the wall, was a single oval shaped piece of glass; a holding tank. The tank was filled with water, and she could see a human floating within the water. The female stepped aside, allowing her to walk further into the room. Nervously, she felt her feet walk closer, until she was standing directly in front of the tank. The glass was fogged up, and she could faintly hear air bubbles floating within. Shakily, her hand raised and rubbed a streak against the glass. Her heart definitely did stop, her knees buckling, and her eyes tearing up. Nicholas was floating inside, breathing mask attached to his mouth, and obviously knocked out.

"Oh my God, Nick!! Ohh Nicholas, I'm so sorry baby…"

She turned back around to the female, panting and tears falling down her face.

"_Is he being hurt in that tank?"_

"_No. We use it to go into temporary stasis. I believe they value the information about the Destiny that he may possess."_

"_You've got to let him out!"_

"_I can't. Lily, if I go against the Alphas, they will kill me. And I cannot be killed…"_

"_But he's hurt…"_

Looking at Nicholas further, she could see faint bruises healing, and several scrapes and cuts on his face. Her hand placed itself upon the glass again, rubbing up and down. As if he could feel her, that it would provide comfort. She wanted to just bust the glass and take him into her arms. To tell him how sorry she was that she let him down, but that it'd be okay. That she'd be there for him, and never allow this to happen again.

_"I'm sorry Lily, we have to go now."_

More tears fell, not wanting to leave. Almost as if, leaving would seal his fate. That she'd never get to see him again. She didn't care that this female was watching her. If they others on Destiny had been in the same room, she wouldn't have cared. Her lips went forward, leaving a soft kiss among the glass, before she whispered.

"I'll come back for you, I promise."

She hated leaving him, in that water prison that he was in. Unsure just what kind of tortures or hell he had been through. All because they valued his mind; damn, he was just too smart for his own good sometimes. She followed after the female, as she was led to a different room. When the door opened, her anger and guilt was suddenly washed away, her eyes softening. This room was obviously a nursery of some sort. She could see a good number of baby aliens slumbering, and younger ones playing together. She heard the female chatter out, and watched as a young, male alien came running towards the female. She watched the female pick him up, nuzzling him and the two of them chattering amongst themselves. The little male looked over at her, obviously the younger aliens hadn't seen humans before. But the male gave a soft chatter in her direction, before clutching at his mom again.

Now, they were seated back in the mess area. The little boy slumbering in the female's lap. She reached her hand over carefully, gently running her hand along his head. Tears were in her eyes again, chuckling softly as she continued to pet the boy, before looking up at the female.

_"You're a momma…"_

"_Yes, I am. Many of the Omegas on board are mothers."_

There was something off about the way the female had said it. She sounded proud of the fact that she was a mom. But it also sounded like, maybe, it hadn't been her choice. She gave a kind smile to the female, leaving the child be for now.

_"He's beautiful."_

"_Do you have any children?"_

Again, the female sounded off putting in her question. But at her question, she swallowed the hurting lump in her throat, and tried to push the pain out of her heart.

_"No. Unfortunately, I can't have children. I was able to, but something happened, and I was ripped in my ability to produce eggs."_

The female, looked a bit surprised, but also disturbed by this. Before she had the chance to ask the female what was wrong, the leader came back in. The device was back on his head, and he instructed her it was time to go. She stood up, but before leaving out the room, she smiled to the female.

_"It was a pleasure to meet you and your son."_

The female watched the young Tau'ri go with her leader, completely gobsmacked. She wasn't sure what her leader's intentions were for this female, but she had a feeling what they might have been. All of the Omegas, including herself, have been down this road before. She decided to herself, one day, this would have to stop.

* * *

Author's Notes:

Again, if you want to read the unedited version, you will have to read it at my Live Journal. Since I cannot link to the page, I believe my email is on my main page. Just send me an email, put in the subject you are from and would like to read my unedited chapter. I'll email the link to my page. But in your email, include your LJ user name, because in order to read the chapter, I have to add you as a friend and vice versa. This week, I am planning on making a new, public, Live Journal page to host the chapters. That way, the stories won't get mixed with my personal blog posts, and second, people won't have to add me to read. Unless they want to. It'll be my story hosting LJ.

Story Notes: Again, I thought it would add more to the story if the mind probing devices allowed the aliens to communicate to other species, and vice versa. And if no one has caught on to what is going on yet, don't ask. My lips are sealed, you'll just have to continue reading. There will be plenty of OMG twists coming up, I promise you.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR: "THE RESCUE"**

_They all were laughing and carrying on as they walked the many halls of Berkeley University. Despite being a year younger than the others, the girls had seemed to welcome her with open arms, when she was desperately in need. It was also surprising, that because of her home schooling at the orphanage, she was able to start college so early. She was looking at the different tables and booths set up, of students and professors alike, advertising different classes and activities. She remembered the Dean of the University had instructed her on what plan of action she should take, when it came to her curriculum. He advised that she could take a number of courses or activities she was highly interested in. Definitely the courses she had strived in. Those were any courses that had something to do with writing (English included), Dance, Science (she was amazing in Biology and Environmental Sciences), and she even surprised the Dean when he read she had taken Sociology classes in the past. Math, however, she did poorly in. She managed to get by, sure, but it was clear that Math was not her strong subject. …And the Dean had made it clear he wanted her to, at least, take one Math related course. She wasn't allowed to completely, ignore Math. Credits in that curriculum were required to Graduate, after all. And, she really wanted to be able to say she was a college graduate._

_ So, with Jas, Meagan, and Brittany in tow, she continued to go up to various tables and grab flyers on different Math courses. She had browsed through the ones she had in her hands, and they all eventually, ended up in the trash. She was just about to give up, until she saw his table. Well okay, she had to admit, she wasn't really looking at the table. She was mostly interested in him. He seemed almost bored, as he sat there with a book in his hands. It appeared to her that not a lot of people were coming by his table to sign up for his class. Or perhaps, many students had signed up, his class was booked up, and he was simply passing time. Whatever the reason was, he was just sitting there, his feet propped on a box that probably held the flyers. He was reading silently, watching his eyes scan the pages, behind his glasses. But she also watched as his lips moved, silently, reading the words on the pages to himself. He was clad in dark blue jeans, boots, and a cream colored turtle neck with a black scarf tied around his neck. She admired his longer, dark hair, with minor strands of gray mixed in. His high cheek bones, which only defined his face. She especially liked his chocolate colored eyes. _

"_Lily, you are not seriously going to join __**his**__ class!"_

"_What's wrong with his class, Jas?"_

"_I heard he was kind of a hard ass. Stubborn, strict, that type of Professor. Hard to pass his courses...," Brittany chided in._

"_Yeah. I heard last year, only three students managed to graduate from his course. Plus, Lily, the course, I don't think you'd like it," Meagan finished. _

_ Blinking, she finally noticed the poster board attached to the table. It was a simple white board, with the title: "Quantum Physics" and a few equations written below the header. Her brain insisted that she should just turn around and walk away now, while she still had a chance. Was Quantum Physics even Math related? That's how __**little**__ she knew about Math. She knew she probably didn't have any chance in Hell managing in this course, much less expect herself to understand the material, or pass. Her eyes, however, continued to admire him all the while eyeing the sign in clip board. Her friends continued to give her questioning/shocked looks, as she made her way over to the table. He was so engrossed in his book, he hadn't realized she had walked over, or was now signing her name on the clip board. Wow, she was the 46__th__ student to have signed up. He finally glanced up, and their eyes met for a brief moment. He didn't say anything, just smiled and passed her a flyer. Before she could walk off, he did call out to her. His Scottish accent caught her greatly by surprised, and she swooned._

"_First class starts Monday morning at 9 A.M. I expect you to be on time, Ms. Dalhberg." _

"_Yes Sir." _

_ And after their quick exchange of words, he sat back down with his book. And she went on her way, her girl friends a little surprised by her actions._

_

* * *

_Despite having a bunch of needles stuck throughout her arms and shoulders, injecting God knows what, her Gray eyes opened. The aliens were continually keeping her sedated now, and she didn't remember them putting her in the water tank. She moved her head, although it was difficult to do so. She felt the breathing apparatus attached to her head, hearing the bubbles expel each time she breathed. Some people might have freaked out, being completely submerged under water like this. But she was actually very calm, and not because of the sedative coursing through her body. In fact, from an Astrology viewpoint, she was a Water sign. And she always did love water. The ocean, lakes, waterfalls, rain, showers, baths, swimming; she loved it all. She felt at peace, serene, as she couldn't do anything but float within the tank. After a moment, she felt her eyes slip close again, more memories flashing through her mind.

* * *

_She was back at her apartment, tears rolling down her face. She was afraid to admit it to herself, to the support group, to the doctors, and more importantly to Gloria and Rush. The treatments weren't helping. She was about to go insane without a fix. And Rush had someone already come in and swipe her place clean; there was nothing left in the house. Not even a pack of smokes! _

_ Sudden anger flooded through her, and she started tearing the place down. Pots and pans were pulled from her cabinets; she knocked down books from her bookshelf. She tore off all the sheets and blankets on her bed, and even ripped the stuffing out of a pillow. If anyone were watching her, they would think she was going insane. Maybe she was, maybe she had reached her end. Her next stop was the bathroom, panting as she took a brief moment. When she looked up, she caught her reflection in the mirror. All of her pent up emotions; anger, fear, exhaustion, disgust, uncertainty, desperation, presented themselves at that moment._

"_I fucking hate you!"_

_ She screamed out, not even realizing as her fist punched forward, smashing into the mirror. She heard the shatter and crunch of glass, as her mirror broke into fragments. Some pieces fell to the floor below, others still managed to hang on. It wasn't until she felt something wet dripping down her arm that she noticed she had cut her wrist. Pretty badly. Shaking, now panic rose and she started to freak out. But for a different reason. She really didn't want to die. Grunting, she grabbed a towel and tied it around her wrist, to stop the bleeding. It was at that point, that she heard the doorbell. She honestly didn't want to answer the door; she had a slight feeling who might be on the other side. But she hurried over to the door, opening it and seeing Rush, who looked a bit shocked at the sight of her._

"_Lily, what happened?"_

"_Nothing Professor Rush…"_

"_You're lying."_

_ Damn, did he know her __**that**__ well already? It was amazing. He took one look at her, and of her ram shacked apartment, and put two and two together. No one was kidding, when they warned he was some kind of a genius._

"_You did all this, because you're having problems with overcoming the addiction."_

"_No…I just…"_

"_You're bleeding."_

"_It's just a scratch-"_

_ She cried out as in one movement, he stepped inside and grabbed her. He forced her to be still, as he carefully unwrapped the now, slightly damp, towel. His eyes widened for a bit, noticing how badly she had cut herself. She heard him tear off one of his sleeve, making a better bandage for the cut. She grunts at the pressure, but noticed he was controlling the bleeding a hell of a lot better than she had. Still, slightly panicked, she tearfully looked up at him._

"_I'm sorry Professor Rush. I-I don't know what came over me. It's so hard. I talk to the doctors, to the support groups, but I still don't think anyone takes me seriously, or understands. I'm so…disgusted with myself. You probably are too, since I've stupidly hurt myself. …Is it, really bad?"_

_ It hurt when he didn't answer her at first; honestly thinking he hated her now. That made more tears fall down her face, and noticed he took it as her being worried._

"_You will be okay. I've managed to stop the bleeding; you just have to be more careful next time. No more hurting yourself, okay?"_

"_Do you hate me, Professor Rush?"_

_ He looked a bit bewildered at her question, and hadn't caught the soft smile he gave her in return, since she looked down at her feet. She felt fingers clutch her chin gently, lifting her face to look at him again._

"_Why would I have any reason to hate you?"_

_ That's all she needed to hear. It was what she had wanted to hear. It was amazing, the relief that flooded her, and how much that had helped her. She gave him a hug, as thanks, for him always being there for her. He had always been there for her._

_

* * *

_She was still passed out, although her ears caught onto the sound of something. It sounded like an object was hitting the outside of her tank, repeatedly. Her brain told her to open her eyes, but they couldn't respond. The panel outside of her tank, which was controlling when and how much was being injected into her, had injected more serums and sedative. The sedative was doing a damn good job making this all seem like a lucid dream. She wasn't even aware of her own body still floating within the tank. She continued to hear the thunk sound of an object hitting the glass. Why would the aliens beat on the glass like this? They clearly knew how to get her out, if they put her in. Whatever was beating on the glass, started to make some progress. The next sound she heard was the distinct sound of glass particles cracking and splitting. Another thunk, and the cracking sound started to spread. She never heard the next thunk or cracking sequence. This time, it was a loud crash.

Glass suddenly gave way with a vengeance, and a monsoon of water started to propel her forward. The momentum of the water forced her to the ground, where her body slid a few feet away from the now, broken, tank. Although, she didn't slide away too far, the injections, which where connected to the panel, made sure she didn't go too far. She heard the sound of feet approaching her from both sides, and her brain tried to force her eyes open again. This time, they opened very slowly, not focusing at first. When they did, she could see Rush and Chloe hovering above her, but her brain barely registered them. She heard Chloe gasp, and Rush carefully cradling her head up, as he worked the reverberator off her face.

"Dr. Rush, her eyes, what's wrong with her?"

She made a slight sound, as she felt Rush's fingers opening her eyelids further than they had wanted to, and inspecting her eyes. She was looking straight at him, into his eyes, but she couldn't even register that she was doing so. Rush frowned, looking in Chloe's direction.

"She's under heavy sedation. She probably doesn't even realize who we are, or why she's even on the ground right now."

"Oh God…"

Rush didn't need to be told anything, suddenly seeing all the injections piercing her skin. He worked quickly, pulling out a total of 10 needles, the panel beside them beeping furiously in response. As Chloe continued to stay with Lily, Rush stood and walked over to the panel. He saw displayed a diagram of Lily's body, but he couldn't read what was on the screen, regarding what it was he had just interrupted. He really couldn't focus on that now, hoping it wouldn't be something he'd regret later. He almost lost his balance, as another loud thud rumbled and shook the ship. The Destiny was still out there, working to defend themselves from the aliens, who were now too focused on attacking back. It was time to act now.

"We have to go, now."

Going back over to Lily, he carefully picked her up before he cautiously went out into the corridor again. He looked over his shoulder; to make sure Chloe was okay, as he was able to get Lily to limply hold onto him. They ran through a series of corridors, trying to find, hopefully, a smaller ship they could use to escape. He heard Lily groan softly; she was obviously trying to make herself come to, sooner than her body allowed. He looked down at her, then back to Chloe.

"We're going to make it, all of us. I promise…"

When he rounded the corner, he stopped suddenly, feeling Chloe slam into his back. He heard her gasp, the two of them taking a few steps back. He didn't want to provoke this alien, but at the same time, he couldn't stop staring. This one was clearly female. It appeared to have recognized Lily in his arms, and then himself. He was a bit curious as to how this alien would have recognized him. He hadn't been in contact with any females, this one having been the first one he's seen. But he also wanted to know how it was familiar with Lily. Maybe, Lily had come in contact with it before. It chattered softly to them, almost as if it was assuring them it meant no harm. Then, it quickly made a gesture, and he knew it was asking them to follow. Cautiously, he followed after the female, and after going through three more corridors; he was led to a hatch. When she opened it, he saw the inside of a fighter ship, and he chuckled with relief.

The alien only chattered at him, it standing and watching as he stepped in. He gently laid Lily upon the floor, before he sat down in a chair. He was grateful that Chloe was staying put beside Lily, as he took a survey of the controls. He had no fucking idea what he was doing. But after pressing a few buttons, he saw the hatch close behind them, looking at the only alien who helped him, one last time. Pressing another button he felt the ship start to rise, and he was able to control it, as the thrusters came on.

"Hold on."

He warned, and before he knew it, the ship propelled forward. The momentum flung him further back into the chair, before gravity leveled out again. He focused on flying the ship, trying not to think about the fact that the others were busy attempting to shoot him. It didn't take long to reach the Destiny, and finding a clear spot, he landed upon the ship. Looking at the panel in front of him again, he flipped a few more buttons, hearing a whirring sound. He heard the sound of metal being cut, and realized it was him that had activated it. Good, they could simply jump from this fighter ship into Destiny. And not risk killing themselves. After all, they couldn't breath out there.

He saw Chloe's unsure face, once they heard, the now cut, chunk of Destiny crash to the ground. He nodded to her, to let her know that everything was okay now. He watched her slide her body towards the hole, before jumping through. He frowned; there was no easy way to go about this. His landing would be a much rougher one, with Lily's added weight. He got down to the ground, hoisting her body up. He wrapped his arms around her waist, making sure he had her secured. Then he slipped through the hole. He actually had landed on his feet, but the added weight of Lily (and landing so roughly) threw his balance off. He fell backwards against the corridor, grunting slightly as that hadn't felt too good against his back. Lily was thrown backwards as well, and when her body started to slip, it pulled him down onto his butt. Panting, he looked up and saw a gun being pointed at him. As always, Greer was the one holding him at gunpoint, almost not believing what he was seeing.

"Colonel Young said you two were dead…"

"Oh really? Did he say how it happened?"

"Rock slide…"

"Oh well, obviously, he was wrong again."

He motioned for Greer to put his weapon down, as he took a moment to just catch his breath. Lily was still passed out, and Chloe was once again, in Scott's arms. He watched Greer press down the button on his radio, as Greer still watched him cautiously.

"Colonel Young, this is Greer, come in."

"_Go ahead."_

"You are not going to believe this."

He didn't wait for Young or Greer, getting up on his feet. He picked Lily back up into his arms, showing Greer just how serious he was, in his next request.

"We need to get her to the infirmary, now."

* * *

T.J. was now standing over Lily, who was still unresponsive, as T.J. checked her vitals. She listened to the steady rhythm of Lily's heart; that was a good sign. She sighs though, removing the stethoscope and turning to Rush and Young, who were standing nearby.

"Her pulse rate has lowered, but overall, her heart rate is fine. She seems pretty heavily sedated, so it's not uncommon that she's in somewhat of a coma. She is breathing on her own, which is a very good sign. Most cases, if the person is given too much of a sedative, their body simply stops breathing, and can't respond to breath on their own. You mentioned she had groaned a few times, while trying to get back to Destiny?"

He was trying his hardest to listen to T.J., he was hearing everything she was saying; but he still wasn't completely focused on her. Was Lily truly okay, like T.J. was trying to assure him of at this time? He was secretly hoping Lily would open her eyes, sit up, and laugh about all this, and everything would be the way it was. It felt too odd to have her just…lying there in silence. Not even responding to him. He had gotten so used to her actively being by his side, always there to comment and chat with him. She was lying right there in front of him, yet, he missed her. He finally snapped back to his senses, when T.J. was calling out to him again.

"Yeah, yeah she did. I think she was trying to come out of it."

"It's a very good sign. It means she is responsive somewhat. Even if she hasn't responded to anything in the past half hour. It may take her a few days to fully come out of it, even if she does wake up. It's unlikely. Her body may need to sleep all this out of her system, before she can even process what's happened. In the meantime, I'll keep her here and we all will take turns monitoring her condition. If anything changes, you'll be the first to know. I'll work in treating these injection wounds. I don't have much antiseptic left, but it's enough to help start the healing process."

He nodded, looking down at the woman passed out in front of him. He wanted to stay with her, but he reluctantly left T.J. to assist to her for now. He'd be no help if he was this damned tired himself. He was honestly worn out. But he couldn't rest. The buzz soon got around that himself along with Chloe and Lily, were back. Many of them sat at his table, which was very a very odd thing to experience. They all asked questions, many of which he deliberately refused to answer. He lied; some parts were fuzzy, and he couldn't remember what they had done to him. But in the same sense, he remembered everything clear as day. He wouldn't admit openly to anyone, not even Lily, but he'd forever be _terrified_ of those aliens. What they did to him, what they probably would do to him if they managed to find him again.

Damn. The tracking device.

Suddenly remembering he had one implanted in his chest, ended the conversation at the table real quick. He went to continue to work at his console, to try and solve the many, and never ending issues aboard this ship. But he wasn't as focused on the tasks at hand like he usually was. He was feeling guilty. If Lily wasn't so damn dedicated to him, she never would have been in that situation. And because of him, once again, she may be faced with these aliens once more. There had to be a course of action he could take, to slip past these aliens, and not rouse anyone into hysterics. He couldn't simply just tell everyone there was a tracker in his chest, and that the aliens were probably not too far from catching up to them.

Which is why he was grateful that Camille had decided to come to him, with plans of forming a mutiny. It was risky, and he knew all fingers would be pointed at him, even though this was all Camille idea. And it didn't help that the aliens had caught up with them, and were now attacking the Destiny. What they didn't know was that he knew how they worked. They would find a ship, continue to attack, and stand by and allow the enemies to mess up first. He wouldn't allow that to happen. He had thrown all the energy Destiny had onto her shields, and so far, they were holding up. But of course, Eli witnessed the entire thing, got paranoid, freaked out, and had alerted unwanted people of the situation. If Eli had just kept his damn mouth shut, he would be held at gunpoint again. Except this time, it was Young who was threatening him with a gun.

* * *

_She continued to walk down the corridor, almost sighing at the fact that she was now back on the Destiny, and not on that alien ship. Deep down in her heart, she knew Rush had to be okay, and that he was back as well. She was now looking for him, but she stopped as she suddenly heard soft giggling. It sounded like a little girl; but that couldn't be right. There were no children who were on Icarus Base, so none could have gone through the gate. Something didn't make sense._

_ She followed the giggling, the sound getting closer as she continued to walk through the corridor. She finally managed to make it into the mess hall, her eyes widening a bit as she finally saw the little girl. She looked to be about six or seven years of age, from what she could tell. What was amazing was the looks on this little girl. She had long, sandy blond hair. Her parents, one must have had blond and the other darker colored hair. Her skin was a nice, even tone; not too pale or too dark. She was clutching something in her hands and still giggling to herself. The child hadn't seen her walk in yet, so she cautiously walked further into the room. When the girl finally looked up, she felt her own heart stop beating. The little girl's eyes, reminded her so much of Nicholas's eyes. They were the same chocolate amber color, and the girl gave her a look that Nick often gave her. The girl was studying her for a brief moment, before they sparkled and the little girl gave a delighted little laugh._

"_Hi mummy!"_

_ Her breath got caught in her throat. This little girl, who she had never seen in her entire life, just called her mommy. Even the girl's dialect, seemed to be between a mixture of American and…Scottish. She was even more surprised and shocked when the little girl ran at her full force, and wrapped her arms around her waist as best as she could. For the moment, she was frozen in her spot, as the child was hugging her. Then, she felt a small hand take hers, and felt a tugging on her arm._

"_Come on!"_

_ She wasn't sure where this child was taking her, but she followed. She was still beyond shocked, at what was taking place. This had to be some dream. She had to seriously be dreaming. She couldn't have kids. There was no way this little girl was her daughter. She had to be losing her mind. Maybe she had finally snapped. The girl finally stopped at one of the many doors along a corridor, and watched the child press the button to open the door. She heard the hatch opening and she froze in her spot for a second time. She was beyond shocked at what took place next. _

_ There was Nicholas, and she had felt relieved at first. He was okay, and she was just so relieved that the aliens hadn't harmed him. But then she didn't know how to be, how to feel, at what was happening in front of her. What the hell was going on? The little girl had squealed, running in and literally dive bombing into the bed, where Nick was currently lying. She heard Nick chuckle, and she saw a smile on his face that she had only seen him give to Gloria. It was a loving smile. Then, she watched as the girl placed a sweet kiss upon his lips, getting another loving smile, this time from the little girl. She continued to watch the two, how Nick was now running his fingers through the girl's lovely hair. She heard the girl giggle again, before reaching her hand out to Nick. _

"_I found them for you again."_

"_Ah, so you have. Where would I be without my wee lass, hm? My little princess…"_

"_Look, I found mum too!"_

_ Nick had looked over at her, locking eyes with her, and now it was her turn to get that loving smile from Nick. Whoa. What was going on? Nick had often smiled at her, yes. But not like that. Not as if he loved her. He admired her, maybe. They were good colleagues and friends, but there could never be anything between them. Gloria was his one and only, she had accepted that years ago. But as Nick got up from the bed, the little girl following behind him, and suddenly felt Nick wrap his arms around her waist, she was breathless. She made a soft noise, as she felt Nick's lips press against hers, feeling his arms tugging her closer, deeper into the kiss. This HAD to be a dream. He pulled away, a hand now caressing through her hair._

"_Hello darling. I was wondering where you were…"_

"_Dad, you promised me you'd bring me to the control room and let me work on the console with you today."_

_ Her eyes widened, and it all suddenly dawned on her. But, she still couldn't believe it. This didn't make sense. This little girl…was theirs? She HAD a child with Nicholas? She took a few steps back, her mind still trying to process it all. She suddenly felt like she was going to pass out, feeling her body falling backwards…_

_

* * *

_She woke up with a start, suddenly realizing she wasn't falling backwards. When her eyes looked around, she realized she was looking up at the ceiling. But she recognized the ceiling, and turning her head, she saw the infirmary. She was in the infirmary on Destiny! She groaned though, as her body was starting to tell her it wasn't ready to be conscious yet. The memories of the aliens, all the experiments they were doing on her, suddenly flooded her senses, and she felt sick. But it passed, as she realized someone must have rescued her. She sat up slowly, although her body felt like lead. She groaned again, remembering that she had been heavily sedated for most of her visit on that alien ship. That had to be why she was feeling the way she was. Even as she stood on her feet, it felt like this wasn't reality. As she took a few steps, she forced herself to continue walking. She had to find Nick, to make sure he was okay.

As she walked, she felt along the walls, gripping onto them for support. Her previous dream was still heavy on her mind. She considered that dream to have been just like the ones she used to have before the rape. When she would dream about herself being pregnant. She was seriously concerned as to why, suddenly, she was dreaming of herself being a mother again. It couldn't happen anymore. She decided that maybe it was due to the sedatives the aliens used, and their after effects. That had to be it. Her mind couldn't remember what it was the aliens had done to her. She knew they had done experiments, but that's all she could remember; the rest was fuzzy. As she continued to walk along the corridors, she suddenly realized it was too quiet. She hadn't ran into anyone yet, which was kind of a good thing. She didn't want anyone making a fuss over her. She was almost upon the control room; if Nick was alright, she knew he'd be in there.

* * *

And now they all knew he had the alien-tracking device in his chest. Young had lowered his gun, thankfully, due to the fact that now Scott and T.J. were in the room. But what Young said what, totally blew his mind.

"T.J., take care of it."

"What?"

"Cut it out of him."

"I can't just go digging around in his chest!"

"She's not qualified for this!"

"We'll use the communication stones. We'll get someone who _is_."

"But we're not equipped for this. Are you crazy? This is insane!"

"You _know_ that we've gotta get that transmitter out."

"Sir, I don't recommend giving up any military personnel at this particular moment."

"I'll do it. I don't need to know what I'm doing. It won't be me, right?"

What were they talking about? What did they mean, having to cut Rush open? What was inside of him that was causing so much alarm? Did they worry about his safety? She shook her head, this wasn't right. She was still gripping the wall, taking slow uneven steps, as she made it to the control room. Eli was standing in the doorway and had suddenly seen her. He opened his mouth to alarm the others, but she raised her hand, silently telling him to keep his mouth shut.

He shook his head, chuckling a bit. He didn't want _anyone_ cutting him open. Had they forgotten about the aliens who had opened him up and put the transmitter in him? Now they wanted to open him up again, just like that? He turned to Young, dread in his eyes, but a disapproving frown on his face.

"I don't believe this is the right plan of action-"

"I don't care what you think, Rush. Either you agree to this willingly, or I will take the necessary measures to force you to do it."

"Don't…you dare…"

They all finally realized she was standing there, a look of shock crossing all of their faces. T.J. rushed over to her, helping her to stand a bit better. She looked over to Rush, and his face was a mixture of surprise, relief and concern. She could read his face; he was concerned that she was up and about, and was worried about how she was doing. He was relieved to see that she was up and about, knowing she had probably worried him. And he was surprised that she was standing up to Young, once again. She was grateful for T.J., but she gently pushed the woman aside, taking a few more steps up to Young.

"Lily, you really should come back to the infirmary-"

"No."

"I really think you should listen to T.J.-"

"I don't…care what you think. You tell me…right now…why you feel it's necessary…to cut into his chest."

"He has an alien tracking device that needs to be removed. It is the only way we can insure that these aliens will not find us again."

She really could have exposed Young; let everyone in the room know what Young had done to not only her, but to Rush. But instead, she glared at him, secretly telling him she was going to have a talk with him later. Whether he wanted to or not. She nodded, but continued to stand her ground, and commanded sternly.

"I want…to be there…in the room. I am going…to watch over the…entire procedure. If not…we're not doing this."

"Okay."

* * *

She never should have agreed to this. She was now in a chair, seated behind his head. Nick was lying on an examination table, a drip attached to his arm, and a nasal cannula attached to his head. He looked peaceful, but it also made him appear so much more vulnerable. She hadn't liked the idea that they had to use alien venom to put him under, but it was all they had. She rather him be blissfully unaware of the procedure, or to any pain that this operation may cause him. Lt. James was standing at his side, fingers on his neck to monitor his pulse throughout the procedure. She was given a reassuring smile, but it didn't help. Her fingers continued to gently run through his hair, listening to his even breathing. Tears were laced in her eyes, worried that something would go wrong and she'd have to watch Nick die; it would be all her fault.

She watched Chloe come into the room, listening as they introduced the doctor. Seemed the doctor wasn't too keen on the whole alien venom anesthetic either. And when T.J. explained to the doctor that they now had a camera to help guide them, she had to remember to thank Eli for that later. She honestly had been worried they would be flying blind on this entire operation. Now, they could see exactly what they were doing. She locked eyes with Chloe, and it was evident that she was probably the most nervous person in the entire room. Tears dared to fall, and her hands shook as they continued to brush through Rush's hair. As if that would provide comfort and relief to him through this procedure.

"Dr. Brightman, please take good care of him. Promise me, please."

"He is in good hands."

But when the ship jolted and the lights flickered, the doctor became highly concerned. Oh yeah, they had forgot to mention they were under attack. That's what made this entire situation that much more stressful. It was a distraction, and she didn't want to doctor to become distracted. Her primary focus should be on Nick, and making sure he came out of this alive. But everyone quickly ignored the bombardment that was taking place, and focused on the task at hand, once the doctor announced they were ready. She felt her own heart thumping against her chest as she saw the scalpel, and watched it being lowered. When she saw the doctor make that first cut, and saw his blood starting to surface, she had to suddenly turn away. She wasn't sure if it was nerves, the sedative still working its way out her body, or the sight of the blood, but she was just about to get sick. If she hadn't turned away, she would have noticed that Nick's head had moved slightly.

She took a moment, to make sure she wouldn't get sick, before she turned back around again. Her fingers went back to stroking Nick's head, nibbling her bottom lip in worry. Her eyes focused on what the doctor was doing, seeing a retractor being put in place, to hold open the sides of the incision. The camera got passed along, and she watched as it was carefully fed through the incision and into Nick's body. Her eyes then turned to the monitor, eyes wide as they were now watching the camera make its way further into Nick's chest. After a few moments, having gotten lost in the amazement of the inside of a human anatomy, the doctor interrupted.

"Ok, I see it."

She had wanted to gasp, but she held it back in fear of making the doctor nervous. The camera focused on the transmitter, which didn't look very large. What was frightening was where the transmitter was implanted. It was incredibly, dangerously, too close to his heart. She did feel tears rolling down her cheeks, as she watched the monitor. Watching Nicholas's heart beat just below where the transmitter was. Seeing how close the transmitter was to that very important, vital organ, she bit down a bit too hard on her own lip. She tasted copper within her mouth, and realized her lip was bleeding. That didn't matter. Everyone was too focused on the monitor now, and she didn't realize her hands were cupping his face from behind. Her thumbs gently rubbing along his cheeks, in a means to let him know she was here.

"Digging it out's gonna be a bit tricky but…"

The ship jolted again, and she held on, making sure the jolt hadn't disrupted Nick any. When she didn't hear anyone speak for a while, she looked up, wondering what was wrong. The look on Chloe's face, suddenly told her something was wrong, even before Chloe spoke. And when Chloe started to freak out, she knew the doctor was gone. She had been worried about this! She was starting to panic herself, and barked over to Scott.

"Do something!"

She heard him notify Eli and Young that the connection was lost with the doctor, and she just about lost it when Young informed them that they were on their own, and that T.J. had to take care of it. Now she was starting to freak out. They all pretty much were on ends now, and were all shouting at one another.

"T.J."

"I _can't_."

"You get that thing out of him right now or I'm gonna have to!"

"Someone do _something_!"

She gasps, as she suddenly felt his hair brush up along her hands. It was then that she realized his head wasn't lying back against the table anymore. She watched as he tried to get up, freaking out once more and trying to get him to lie back down.

"He's coming to!"

Rush was continuing to prop himself up on his elbows, though his eyes were still closed, and he was moving rather drowsily. They all were now trying to get him to lie back again, as T.J. worked to make sure the camera tube stayed still. The monitor showed that the camera was moving around quite a bit within his chest, not focusing on a single image now, looking like a blur of colors.

"Hold him down! Hold him down!"

"We're trying!"

"What do I do?"

"Give him another dose of anesthetic."

"Is that safe?"

She gasps softly, as she realizes Nick had opened his eyes finally. And he was now staring at his chest in horror. She could see the confusion on his face, but also heard the slight anger that was rising in his voice.

"What are you doing to me?"

He demanded of them; he sounded as if he never knew he had been knocked out. She hadn't realized she had been trying to shush him, maybe the sound would coax him to relax. She was trying desperately to just lie back, hoping the camera lodged in his chest wasn't causing any problems. She watched as James shot another dose of alien venom anesthetic into his drip, and after a moment she heard him let go of a breath. She watched as his body slowly started to respond to the anesthetic, and he slipped unconscious again. Her heart was pounding so hard and fast, she had to take a moment to catch her own breath. When she caught it, she looked over to T.J., who was trying to get the camera to focus once more, but they looked eyes briefly.

"Why did it seem like he had no clue we had put him under? He did know about being administered alien venom, right?"

She was shocked when T.J. didn't say anything, but under the circumstances, she couldn't be too upset with her. If she managed to successfully remove this transmitter, without killing him, then she had saved all their lives. And now that they have all focused once again, and managed to work together a lot better this time around, the transmitter was soon removed. She had seen the transmitter up close, before Scott had smashed it with the butt of his gun. And it was relief to know that they had jumped back into FTL too, and the aliens were no longer shooting them. The operation was a success, and now there was no way those aliens could hunt them down again.

"Okay, we can close him up. Nice work."

She lowered her head, saying a silent thank you to no one in particular. She reached out, grabbing Chloe's hand, then T.J.'s, and looked around at everyone in the room. Tears were falling down her face, and she didn't care what anyone thought of her reaction to this entire experience. It was probably very obvious now, if it hadn't been before, that she cared a great deal for Rush.

"Thank you all."

* * *

Rush was for the moment, stable, and doing well in the infirmary. They had closed him up and he was on his way to recovery. But there was still another matter she had to take care of. She knocked on his door, before pressing the button and opening the hatch. He was sitting at his desk, and looked up as she walked in. She closed the door behind her, walking over to stand in front of his desk. They both eyed one another, but neither made a move.

"So the operation was a success then."

"Yeah, it was."

"Good."

She laughs a bit, looking down and shaking her head. After a moment of laughing to herself, she looked up and gave a death glare to him.

"You can cut the bullshit. I know you don't really give a damn about him, otherwise you wouldn't have left him to die. Left _us_ to die."

"Lily, that was a mistake-"

"Was it? Because I'm not too convinced otherwise."

"I've already spoken to Rush about this. We've agreed that we need to put our differences aside, for the sake of the crew, for this ship."

"Okay, maybe you two have come to some kind of agreement, but I haven't. Something have better change, and it better happen fast. Otherwise you can forget about relying on me for a damn thing."

"What do you suggest I do?"

"For one, your military personnel can show a little more remorse for us civilians."

"Rush and Camille were taking over the ship."

"I don't give a damn what they were trying to do. Greer has a nasty attitude towards Rush and I, he flies off the handle on anyone. I don't think anyone told Rush they were just going to inject alien venom into him, in order to proceed with this operation-"

"We had to make sure that tracker would be removed-"

"You could have handled that differently. Fuck, you could have given me the stuff. I could have talked him into it. It's a hell of a lot better than just blindly injecting a substance into him, that we don't even _know_ what it can do. Yes, it all saved us, but it could have been deadly, if we gave him too much. I'm no doctor or medic, but I even know that."

"Aside from that, what else do you suggest?"

"I suggest you tell all the military, in order for all of us to get along, there must be a mutual agreement to work together. To quit ordering us around so much, and maybe show a little bit more remorse."

"Okay, I'll do that."

"Good. It should definitely start with you. I'm not forcing you to like Rush. I could give a damn who does and who doesn't. I just want to know that you won't throw him under the bus again, or myself. You'll allow us a chance."

"You have my word."

She nodded, and started to walk off. Before she could leave, she turned back around, adding one more thing.

"Oh by the way, if anything like this ever happens to him again Young, I will personally take care of matters myself. I will make sure you get exactly what is coming to you. And that's not a threat, it's a promise."

With that, she slammed her hand against the button, and stepped out of his quarters. Young sat there, a little surprised that he had heard the young woman say that. She walked back to the infirmary, no one being in the room right now. Rush was lying in a bed, for the moment still unconscious, but resting. They had left his shirt off for the moment, and she eyed the bandage that was secured over his incision. She grabbed a chair, pulling it over to the side of his bed, sitting down. She grabbed his hand, holding it as she continued to watch him. She smiled, her other hand rubbing along his cheek.

"Thanks for saving me again. I really do owe you my life. …I'm here for you Nick…"

She leaned over, placing a soft kiss on his forehead, fingers smoothing back the hair that fell in his face. He still slept peacefully, his chest rising and falling with each breath. Happy that he was going to be okay, she allowed her own body to realize just how exhausted she was. She leaned forward, her weight against his bed, head lying on his good side, and she allowed her eyes to slip close. An hour later, Eli went to go check on Rush, to make sure he was doing okay, for T.J. He stopped in the doorway, seeing that Lily was asleep, sitting in a chair beside Rush's bed. He admired how adorable she was, but still honestly couldn't understand it. Why _Rush_? Shaking his head, he walked off and back to his room, allowing the two their time.

* * *

Author's Notes: For some reason, this chapter just wouldn't form, and I'm so glad it's finally done. The next chapter, will contain something that will shock you all. So, I recommend you stay tuned. There will be plenty of twists and turns in the upcoming chapters to come. And trust me, it is not the last time you see those aliens either. Also, thanks to those who read and review. I believe, on my main page, I will be able to post the link to my new LJ link, where I will also be hosting any Drabbles/Stories that I not only put on here, but also the more adult rated chapters as well. So, if you do read over there, and not here, still review. They let me know that I'm doing a good job, and need to continue. And thanks to my fellow, and faithful readers, who inspire me to continue on with this story. And have been so understanding of Lily thus far. Thanks guys, you know who you are :)


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5- "FAITH REVISITED, PART ONE"**

"So, how is he doing?"

"Yeah, has he woken up yet?"

"He's been in and out of consciousness, but he's been talking to me. So, I assume that's a good sign."

"It's not the same. Working without him in here."

"I agree. And I've been trying to take his place, but everything looks Greek to me on this console."

"It's amazing that he'd allow you to just sit at _his_ console. He even won't let Eli or myself sit there."

She gave a small smile in the directions of Park and Brody, who were in the control room, or Apple Core as Eli dubbed it. She hadn't lied to them. Rush had woken up several times, and they had exchanged some words. Mainly, he had questions about why he was stuck in the infirmary. It didn't take much explanation from her before he pieced together the puzzle. Each time he did wake up, he'd try to get out of bed. At first, his body simply was too weak for him to even move, so he didn't try to resist. A few times lately, however, she's had to push him back into the bed, to make sure he didn't get up. Each time that happened, he'd realize just how tired he still was and fall back asleep. This last time, he had told her to try and see if she could help any of his team with any of the repairs. So, he had given her permission to sit and work at his console. Understanding what it was that Nick did all day was a different story.

Sure, Rush had been teaching her for well over two years about the Ancient language. How they spoke it and how they wrote and read it. But what he had taught her, was elementary at best. Eli probably could read this stuff better than she could. And looking at all the lit buttons and the dial in the upper corner of the console, she was definitely afraid she'd do something wrong and end up blowing them all up. Sighing, she ran a hand against her forehead, it lingering there and rubbing.

Lately, it wasn't only her head that had been bothering her. She wasn't getting hardly enough sleep that she probably should have been. Every time she closed her eyes she either dreamt of those aliens, that Nick was being hurt, or the dream that consisted of that little girl. The little girl who was supposedly _their_ daughter. Not only was she suffering from a lack of sleep, she just wasn't feeling too hot in general. She hoped it wasn't because those aliens had used too much sedative on her, and now she was paying the price for it. She'd have to ask T.J. later; maybe she was just getting sick. She was grateful that no one else had noticed, especially Nick.

"You okay? You look kind of pale in the face."

"Yeah, you do. Are you coming down with something?

Damn, she had spoken too soon. Park and Brody both commented, and she honestly didn't know what to tell them. She wasn't sure if she was coming down with something, and had definitely been unaware that she looked pale. She was just about to reassure them that she was fine, until she heard someone at the doorway. When they all turned, they all shared a look of shock and worry on their faces. She was beyond worried, getting up quickly and wrapping her arms around Rush's waist, to make sure he didn't fall. She wanted to scold him as if he was a child, for overdoing it. He just had surgery; didn't he understand that he needed to allow his body to heal? Considering they extracted a foreign object from his body, that was considerably too close to his own heart. She was worried he'd get infection, or he'd break his stitches, regardless if T.J's skills in stitches were stunning. Before she could even speak, Dr. Park did for her.

"Should you be out of bed?"

As Nick tried to stumble forward, she made sure she had him secured, walking with him to his console. She stood by, making sure he was able to sit down okay. She frowned to herself; she could see the discomfort he was in. She could even hear that he was having a bit of difficulty actually taking a full breath. She continued to stand beside him, as he spoke to Park and Brody again.

"There's, uh, too much work to be done. We'd best get on with it."

"…"We"?"

"Yes. Unless you expect me to do the work all by myself?"

When Nick even hinted of possibly doing all the work by himself, she gave Brody a stare that silently told him 'quit arguing and just humor him.' Brody got the picture, grabbing a radio before leaving the room, knowing that repairs to the two smaller ships were first on the agenda. Park also grabbed a radio, and went to go assist Brody. She heard Nick grunt a bit and rubbing a hand along his face. She stepped closer to him, her hand reaching forward to run against his back, trying to comfort him. She gave him a knowing grin, but her face also hinted that she was not pleased and worried.

"You really shouldn't be out of bed. You're not well enough yet."

"Who can honestly make that decision, except me?"

"Rush, you're sweating bullets, you keep grunting in obvious discomfort, and you can hardly catch your breath…"

She ignored the look he gave her, him silently telling her to just drop the subject. She shook her head no, silently telling him that she was going to make a fuss over him, if she so damned pleased. She leaned against his console, staring intently into his face. She wanted to chuckle, at the sudden confusion that grew on his face. She had caught him off guard; he wasn't expecting her to look so deeply into his face.

"Plus, your eyes give you away. They're dull, pained, and red. Meaning you're not getting enough rest either. Should I keep going?"

"Lily…"

This time, she did chuckle, giving him a soft slap to his arm, to let him know she was just giving him a hard time. She sighed though, taking his hand next, feeling his hand close over hers. She was still trying to get used to what was happening to their relationship since coming back onto the Destiny. At first, she hadn't caught onto what was happening. But the more her and Nick had those small chats, when he would wake up, the more it dawned on her. Their relationship had been down this path once before. When he lost Gloria, she had been there for him. He craved her comfort as if it was a drug, and she was always there to hold him, to talk to him if he needed, and to reassure him that he did have someone who cared. It went past the promise she made to Gloria as she was dying that one day. Of course, she had promised to care for Nick, to love Nick, and to keep him safe, for Gloria. But she didn't need a promise to do those things; it had just given her the opportunity to do so. She hadn't wanted to interfere with his life. He was, after all, Gloria's soul mate, not hers. Still, it had been nice to have felt so wanted from Nick, even if other women had tried to fill the same position.

Now that they had both shared an experience with those aliens, they both needed comforting now. He still wouldn't quite admit everything to her, what had happened to him. And she had told him as much as she could remember; which wasn't much. As she stood there holding his hand, she flashed back to that moment. It hadn't been long after Nick's surgery that they both came clean to one another. And as they were doing so, that's when their relationship was slowly changing form…

* * *

_She wasn't sure how much time had passed since she took her watch over Rush. All she knew was her bottom had fallen asleep long ago; this chair wasn't all that comfortable. T.J. would come in every now and again, to check up on both of them. Each time, T.J. insisted that she could watch over Nick, so she could get something to eat or rest some more. Every time, she refused to leave, not when he needed her. After what seemed to be hours, she finally saw him open his eyes. Her fingers stopped smoothing through his hair, as he looked up at her. She blushed though, as he spoke to her finally._

"_Why'd you stop doing that?"_

_Her fingers started anew, gently brushing through his hair, but also against his forehead. She knew he rather enjoyed it; he had often told her that it felt really nice. His eyes finally became more focused, and he was able to notice that he was in the infirmary. And he tried to move, to get up on his elbows. She didn't realize that she hissed, as her hand gently, but firmly, pushed him back against the bed._

"_Don't try to get up right now. You might risk breaking your stitches-"_

"_Stitches?"_

"_You don't remember? We had to get that tracking device out of you."_

_Then she saw realization cross his face, finally allowing his body to sink back into the bed. He rubbed a hand against his cheek, and she could see he was feeling a bit embarrassed now. She smiled to herself; he had felt that way when he realized her and T.J. had carried him to his quarters by themselves. After he was experiencing symptoms of withdrawal. After a moment, they both looked to one another, and he cursed silently to himself. She assumed, that he knew what her next question was going to be._

"_What happened Rush? What did they do to us?"_

"_I-I don't remember."_

_Her face sunk at that, wondering if this would all continue to be a mystery. He felt his hand grab her arm, in a means to get her to pay attention to him again. She hadn't realized tears forming in her eyes, and his face sunk at the look of her about to cry._

"_Lil, don't cry. I remember some things, but, I don't. Do you understand?"_

_She nods, understanding exactly what he meant. She was going through the same issue. She could remember bits and pieces, but nothing would fit together to show her the full picture. It was as if the aliens left just random images intact, and erased the rest. _

"_What do you remember then?"_

"_I remember I tried to fight them off, and I saw you took off. For a while, I thought you had managed to escape."_

"_I saw them render you unconscious. Did you honestly think I'd just…leave you? I thought they had killed you…"_

_She heard him chuckle, but he stopped just as quickly, seeing him grit his teeth in pain. Her free hand went to touch the wound on his chest gently; it had hurt for him to even chuckle. He sighed again, before she gave him his full attention, as he continued._

"_I'm not sure how long I was out before I was brought onto the ship. I came to when they were dragging me into a lab of some sorts-"_

"_I know that lab, I was in there often too."_

"_I figured. When I found you, you had all these injections embedded into your skin…"_

_She didn't mean to shiver at that, but it was hard for her. Her heroine addiction was due to a needle injecting the drug into her system. And these aliens had used a number of injections, to inject more foreign substances into her body. She felt his hand rubbing softly against her arm, in a means to calm her nerves. Their eyes saw the numerous injection wounds littering her arms now; old and new. _

"_You had mentioned you were in the lab before, what did they do?"_

"_I'm not quite sure. Most of the time, they kept me sedated. Though, not as heavily as you. I remember they were able to make a complete diagram of my body. Organs, systems, everything."_

"_They did that with me too."_

"_They mainly wanted me for my mind. Do you remember the mind probing devices?"_

_She nodded, then noticed some faint evidence of bruises on his face. She gasps, fingers lightly touching those areas. She frowned, continuing to rub his face._

"_Did they make those?"_

"_Aye. When I resisted them. I wouldn't allow them to access too much information, but that doesn't mean they weren't able to obtain bits and pieces."_

"_We weren't the initial targets, were we?"_

"_No. They're rather obsessed with Destiny."_

"_That's true, huh? Now I remember. I ran into a female, I think not too long before you rescued me. She told me that the Alphas were mostly concerned with Destiny."_

"_Alphas?"_

"_That's what she called the males. She referred to herself as an Omega. I guess they just use it as a ranking or title, like we do within the military. Except with sexes, I guess."_

"_I ran into a female, who helped me to find the fighter ship we escaped in."_

"_That might have been her, though, I don't know. There were plenty others, aside from her."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes, and they had babies on board too."_

_He seemed shocked and fascinated all at the same time. She chuckled a bit, but shook her head some, sighing._

"_We talked some, the female and I. By the end of our conversation, something seemed off. Or something was troubling her."_

"_What did you two discuss?"_

"_Nothing about Destiny, I can assure you. I had only mentioned a bit about myself, a little about you, and that you had been the one to have given me the opportunity of being on the Destiny."_

"_You mentioned me?"_

"_Yeah. She was equally interested in us both. I guess, it's been a while since they have had contact with…what's the term again?"_

"_Tau'ri."_

"_Yeah, that. She was interested in just…hearing me talk about anything and everything. She seemed lonely. But, she's the one that led me to you. Before, I thought they had killed you, or left you to die. I wasn't sure what they had done with you."_

"_I don't remember seeing you-"_

"_You were unconscious. In one of those tanks. She mentioned it was like a stasis thing for them. Is that where you ended up finding me?"_

"_Yes."_

"_How were you able to find me?"_

"_By probing Colonel Young's mind."_

_It was now her turn, to show a look of shock on her face. Slight anger crossed her face as well, and Rush shook his head._

"_It's okay. Obviously, the aliens had managed to find the Destiny, and had taken Chloe hostage-"_

"_What?"_

"_Yeah. I believe they did it, thinking we would surrender Destiny. It's quite possible that they had been tracking us for some time. However, Young felt it was necessary to use the stones to see if they had been the ones to take her."_

"_How was he able to do so? For that to work, then they would need to have-No. You didn't?"_

"_I had…taken a stone for myself, after the first time I connected to Earth. When I went to report back to General O'Neil that one time. I know you plan on scolding me for that, but wait until later. When they took me on their ship, they confiscated it, along with some of my other personal items."_

_Her eyes widened, as she realized that his watch and wedding band, were now gone. She frowns, shaking her head._

"_If I had known, I would have asked if there was a way I could have gotten them back for you."_

"_I know you would have."_

_She took his hand, and for a moment, he was taken back. But he got over that fast, and he closed his hand over hers. He saw more tears, this time, falling down her lovely face. He watched her free hand go to finger her neck, suddenly realizing what it was she was doing. Her necklace; her mother's necklace. Her hand was repeating a habit the woman had adapted for years, and that was fingering that necklace. _

"_Well, at least we both lost something treasured."_

"_No, that's not true."_

"_What?"_

"_See my clothes over there. Look in the pocket of my vest."_

_She was almost afraid to leave his side, but when he nodded, she got up and went over to the spare chair on the side of his bed. His green shirt and vest had been placed upon the seat, and he watched her grab the vest. Being careful as to not spill his notebook out of it, he watched her fingers dig around inside. He smiled as he heard her gasp, when her fingers felt a chain and grabbed it. He watched her fingers pull the necklace out, her eyes admiring the necklace as if she was just receiving it for the first time. He watched her finger the pendant that was attached, before she walked over to him again, appreciation and shock on her features._

"_How did you-"_

"_After I had freed you from the tank and the needles, the panel in the room started beeping. When I went to try and see what was happening, I noticed it lying on the console."_

_She was stunned beyond words, cradling the necklace as if it was a fragile piece of art. She started to protest as he, painfully, sat up, but he shook his head._

"_Let me put it on you."_

_He requested, and she almost hesitated, for just a moment. She carefully passed the necklace to him, as she turned her back to him. He smiled as her hands reached back, and gathered all that long hair that she had, finally exposing her neck. He reached his hands around, after unhooking the necklace, placing it around her neck. He worked to get the clasp on, before smiling. She let her hair down and turned around to face him again. The necklace was pretty, but it looked stunning when she was wearing it. Her fingers played with the pendant, as if it was a security blanket. _

_The silver color of the necklace and pendant was a great color choice for her skin, he noticed. The pendant itself was two silver bars making up the sides, and one silver bar closing the sides at the bottom. Within the bars, were a line of gemstones, forming what had been known as a "journey." The gemstones, he easily identified, Lily having told him about gemstones. All together, in a line, the pendant consisted of one of each: Garnet, Iolite, Peridot, Citrine, Rhodolite, and a Swiss-Blue Topaz. They all were round in cut, and were very much, real gemstones. _

"_There you go, gorgeous."_

_He wasn't sure if it had been his comment of calling her gorgeous, or that she was just overly emotion from getting her necklace back or from the entire experience. But he felt her throw her arms around him suddenly, in a sweet embrace. He hugged her back, the two of them just holding one another. When they finally broke apart, she helped him to lie back again. He still held onto her hand, however, as they got back onto the subject they had been talking about._

"_I still can't thank you enough. For rescuing me, for getting my mother's necklace back. I really do owe you, you know."_

"_Nah, you don't. I owe you."_

"_I'm sorry?"_

"_Lilith, if it wasn't for the fact that not only Chloe, but you having been on board that ship, I never would have fought so hard to escape in the first place. Also, it was you talking to that female alien that probably was the most important aspect of our escape."_

"_I never thought of it that way."_

_He nodded, before sighing again, this time at himself. His body was suddenly starting to tell him that he needed to rest. And he felt bad for wanting to fall back asleep while she was here._

"_Lil, I'm starting to fall asleep again."_

"_That is the second time you've used that nickname. You haven't referred to me as Lil in a long time."_

"_Old habits die hard. …I don't even know if I can rest. I keep having nightmares about them."_

"_I know, I do too. I'll be here though."_

_He smiled at that, and relaxed as her fingers started to smooth through his hair again. He allowed his eyes to close and for a while,, he was able to rest peacefully. The nightmares tucked away, for the time being..._

_

* * *

_When she returned back from within her mind, her memories, they were still holding hands. He had become pretty quiet as well, probably just enjoying the silence. She resisted a hand going to her forehead, as the pounding migraine lingered. Her face did grimace a bit, as a result of the pain she felt, and she noticed Nick briefly catching onto that. But she smiled in an attempt to mask any pain she may have been feeling, and for a moment, she thought he had bought it. Until he smiled and chuckled, now his eyes were staring at her; he definitely could read her like an open book.

"You're pale."

"It's the lighting in here-"

"No, it's not. What's wrong?"

"It's…nothing. Seriously! I'm just having an off day. May be coming down with something, I don't know. Just feeling crummy."

"You should go lie down then."

"If you're not resting, after having major surgery, you think I'm going to lay down because I _might_ be coming down with a cold?"

He grunted, and she knew it was because he knew he couldn't make her go lie down if she didn't want to. Just like she couldn't force him to do so now, even though his case was a more definite reason for rest. She chuckled, letting go of his hand and sighing. It was kind of ironic that they both needed rest, and they couldn't get any.

"Even if we could rest, we're just going to keep having nightmares."

"Yeah…Chloe's having them too."

"I know. She told me some of them after your surgery."

"…We shouldn't worry too much. The tracking device was removed, so if they are able to find us again, it should take some time. For the moment, we should be safe."

She nods, but noticed her headache got a bit stronger. She stood there, blinking, as she thought she heard whispers within her mind. But just as quickly as it all started, it soon went away, leaving her head throbbing in a dull pain. Rush seemed to notice, but she grabbed his hand again, in a means to get him to ignore her for now. She noticed he was still sitting at the console, as if he was still in some pain, and she frowns a bit.

"You sure you're okay to work?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Well, at least let me go see T.J., and see if I can bring you something for the pain. Just to take the edge off, okay?"

She smiled when he nodded, at least he was agreeing to her finding him something for the pain. Before she could turn around, she noticed he still had her hand. She felt his thumb caressing the outside of it a moment, the two of them sharing a look. When he finally did let go of her hand, as she turned around, she felt the heat radiating off her cheeks. His eyes had been so intense, she almost got a "come hither" expression from him. She wondered briefly if she should have stayed behind, but it was too late now. She was already walking the corridors, making it to the infirmary in no time. She poked her head in, seeing that T.J. wasn't in. As she walked further in, she froze, realizing the whispers within her mind were back. She wasn't sure what took place next, feeling herself mentally black out.

She felt her body moving; yet, she couldn't process what it was she was doing. She walked over to the medicine cabinet that was in the room, opening it. Her eyes quickly scanned the contents of the cabinets, seeing everything from pills to vials of substances. Her eyes caught sight of a vial in particular, her fingers carefully picking it up. The vial was long, so there was a good bit of the substance inside. The liquid was clear in color, and the vial wasn't marked. However, the whisper within her mind seemed pleased, and she quickly pocketed the vial. She shut the cabinet door and took a few steps back. The whispers stopped, and she took a moment, just blinking to herself. She finally snapped out of it, as T.J. walked in, the woman giving her a smile.

"Hey Lily. Feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay I guess."

She saw T.J. giving her a concerned look, and she moved her hand, in a means to tell T.J. not to worry. She stepped closer to T.J., as the woman opened up the cabinet, looking inside.

"Actually, I was here to ask if you had anything Dr. Rush can take for his pain?"

"Yeah, I have something he can take. I noticed he's not in bed resting."

"He's decided that there is too much work to be done. Trust me, I tried to talk him out of it. No use in doing so."

She chuckled some, grabbing a vial and a napkin. She watched T.J. open the file of a fine white powder, sprinkling a liberal amount into the napkin. Folding it up carefully, it was handed to her. She made sure the napkin was closed and secured, smiling to T.J.

"Thanks."

"I know he's in a great deal of pain, but be sure to tell him to use that sparingly. We only have so much of it. About a pinky scoop worth should be enough to take the edge off."

"I'll be sure to tell him."

Before she walked out, she noticed T.J. looked kind of tired, a bit pale herself. She reached a hand, placing it on T.J.'s shoulder, a look of concern on her face.

"Are you okay? You look exhausted."

"Yeah, I'm okay. Tired."

"Actually, I'm surprised that we all aren't looking pale and tired. Life on an Ancient space ship, where we haven't seen sunlight in months. I'm sure we're not the only ones who are having problems getting a complete night's rest too. Just try to stay positive. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here. I don't mind, really. I know I sometimes seem like a hard ass when it comes to the military-"

"But we all have to make an effort now."

"Exactly. Just, seriously. Despite whatever happens, between now and the future, I don't mind. If you ever need to talk, just let me know."

"Thanks Lily."

They shared a smile, before she walked out of the infirmary. She passed a few people in the corridors on the way to her quarters, offering waves here and there. She made it in no time, hand reaching out to press the button. She watched the door slide open, shutting them behind her. She set the napkin carefully down on the little nightstand next to her bed. Her fingers reached into her pocket, taking out the vial and studying it again. Her free hand dug into her bag, that she had managed to bring with her through the gate. Grabbing the small sewing kit she kept with her, she slipped the vial in the case, closing it. She hid the case within her bag again, knowing no one would search the sewing kit itself. Her hands dug in the bag until she pulled out some fresh clothes. Everyone had given her a hard time because she had managed to bring such a large bag through the gate. That was at first. Now, a lot of them wished they had brought bigger bags. It meant that they could have had more things with them.

She was relieved that she had been able to sling her arms through the straps on her bag, when she went through the gate. She'd hate if the bag had gone through the gate and actually hit someone. She was just one of those who weren't a light packer. She had known, at the time, she was going to be at Icarus Base a few weeks. So she had packed accordingly. She had several outfits in the bag, several pairs of shoes, a jewelry bag, and a makeup bag. The essentials like a toothbrush and hairbrush; she had even packed small sized bottles of mouthwash, shampoo/conditioner, perfume, body spray; you name it, she probably had it. But when you've been an orphan before, and had to hitch hike it to places, you often tend to pack whatever you can into one bag.

Her quarters were even different from everyone else. She a candle sitting on the nightstand by her bed, even though she wouldn't be able to light it. She also had a picture frame set up, the picture showing her standing next to Rush, the first day they arrived at Icarus Base. Smiles at the fond memory, as she reached and switched her iPod on, it sitting in a docking base with speakers. Hums as she grabs her things, making sure to grab the napkin, before taking off back to the control room. Rush was still alone, sitting there, working and still grunting some in pain. Smiling, she went over to his console, and set the napkin down.

"Nurse Lily here, delivering you some pain medicine."

"Thanks."

"T.J. said to use it sparingly, since she doesn't have so much in stock. She said a pinky finger scoop, should be enough. But if not, you can have these."

She hands him a bottle, watching as he turned the bottle around and read the label. He chuckled a bit, but nods his head in her direction.

"Did they work for you?"

"Worked enough. Although, I'm a pushover. But they did help when I was recovering."

"What are you about to do?"

"Take a shower. I'll be back to check on you later."

She squeezed his shoulder softly, before walking off again. She hoped the Lortabs would help with his pain, if whatever T.J. gave him wasn't enough. She didn't need them anymore; she just never got rid of them after she was done with them. She remembered the time she had really hurt her ankle, having managed to break her ankle joint. She was given those to take, and each time she took them, she wouldn't feel any pain. So she hoped they worked enough. She passed a few more people, waving to them, before reaching the shower room. Peeking through the window to make sure no one was currently using the room, she opened the doors, watching to make sure they closed behind her. Sighing, she stripped off clothes and started the shower, stepping in. She closed her eyes letting the mist do its work as she let her mind drift.

* * *

An hour had passed, before she emerged from the shower room. She was bathed, refreshed, and dolled up as best as she could manage. She wasn't even sure why she had pulled her hair up or fixed her makeup; no one really paid any attention. Still, it was a daily habit of hers; she just liked looking nice. She was clad in dark blue jeans that had ties instead of buttons latching them closed around her waist. She was wearing a gray shirt that had a design that showed off her shoulders, but was attached almost like a tank top. The neckline plunged down into a V, but not where she showed off too much cleavage. Tennis shoes finished the look, letting the world know it was one of her everyday, laid back outfits. On her way back to Rush, she stopped by the mess and had a quick bite to eat. When she heard people talking about the discovery of a planet, that was when she decided it was time to check in with him.

On her way into the control room, she passed Eli, who gave her a wave. She waved back, but saw the look on his face, chuckling. Rush was working him too then. She smiled at him as she stepped up behind him, looking down at the console. He looked a bit surprised that she was all done up like she was, but he passed it off, as he mentioned the screen.

"The gate dialed out not too long ago."

"Really? So Destiny was able to find another planet?"

"Yes, although this one hasn't been categorized by Destiny."

"…Really?"

"Yeah. The away team is on their way back. Atmosphere is perfect. Mentions of water and food. Fresh air, plenty of sunshine…"

"Sounds perfect."

"In a sense, yes."

She saw him looking intently at her, and she chuckled a bit.

"What?"

"There are some people who are showing an interest to going there."

"I bet."

"Whoever goes there, once Destiny is out of range, will be stuck there for a month's time, until Destiny is back in range to pick them up."

"Wow. But that's a good bit of time for whoever goes, to gather food and water to replenish."

"Precisely. I obviously cannot go."

"Right. …What are you saying?"

"I want you to go with them, to the planet."

"I can't leave you here-"

"You deserve it. The hell you've been through recently. The fresh air and sun might do you some good-"

"And it wouldn't be good for you? Nick-"

"You can argue with me all you want, it still won't change my mind. I much rather it be you to enjoy that planet, over myself. A month's time goes by quickly, and when you return, I'll be healthy again."

"You promise?"

"You have my word."

"But what if I don't want to go?"

He chuckled softly to himself, before grasping her chin, forcing her to look up at him. He smiled, shaking his head.

"I saw your eyes when I told you about the planet. They lit up; which can only indicate that you had felt happy that we found it. I know you want to go. If anything, think of it as doing your job. You agreed to be my assistant for a reason. Since I cannot go, go in my place. See if there is anything there that may be useful to me."

She still looked unsure, but he smiled again, feeling his hand now against her cheek. He could probably feel the sudden rush of heat radiating from them; but if so, he never indicated that he could.

"Document whatever your heart desires about the planet. And I should be able to document it into the computer linked with Destiny. It would be almost as if…you discovered the planet yourself."

After a moment, she chuckles, looking up at him. He was saying that to make her feel better, and to try and further convince her to go. She remembered she had mentioned to Nick, time and time again, how amazing it would be if she could discover a planet on her own. Be able to visit it, and document everything she found through pictures and her own writings in her journal. After a moment, she sighed, as it seemed there was no way any normal person would turn down the offer. So she nods, and that got a bigger smile from him. He stepped back from her, going to sit at his console again, as he sighs in her direction.

"I guess you better go pack then."

* * *

It had taken her a long time to pack for this trip to the planet. She contemplated often, the pros and cons to going to the planet, to leaving Nick behind. She wasn't even sure if she could manage. She knew she was seriously going to miss him, and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. And she wasn't even gone yet. Though she was standing in line, with the others who wanted to leave. There were plenty of them telling either friends or loved ones goodbye, looking out to see if Nick was going to see her off. She was hoping so, since she was about to face a month without him. For so long, it had seemed like, to her, that they were a pair, as she hadn't been truly alone for so long.

"_**Lord knows that I have tried, To live my life as one."**_

She finally saw him, leaning against a doorframe away from the others. His arms were folded across his chest again, but she didn't want for him to decide whether or not it was worth it to show affection. She walked over to him, the two of them walking a good distance away from the rest of the group. She looked up at him, as he gave her a smile, though it wasn't as strong as his previous smiles. Almost as if he was unsure he was truly happy about seeing her go or not.

"This is it then."

"You make sure you take care of yourself Nick."

"You make sure to keep them in line."

"You know I will."

He felt him wrap his arms around her, her own wrapping around his waist as they hugged. When they broke apart, they stood there looking at one another for a moment.

"_**My undying love for you, Won't let me wait."**_

She felt her heart thumping, as her mind was trying to force her to get brave suddenly. She was going to give him a silent hint, to kiss her, suddenly wanting to get her first kiss from him; at that moment right there. She bit her bottom lip, giving him a look that any other man would have taken as 'kiss me.' But he didn't make a move, although he had noticed the look, and the biting of her bottom lip. After a moment, she chuckled, suddenly feeling stupid for trying to get that kiss. And she heard Lt. Scott asking for everyone to start boarding the smaller ship. She gave the same unsure smile back to Rush, as she started to walk backwards away from him, trying to hold back the tears.

"Bye Nick."

"See you in a month. Be sure to take care of yourself."

She nodded, and after getting one last look of him standing there at that particular moment, she turned around and got back in line. The line quickly moved forward, as more people entered the ship. Soon, she was inside the smaller ship, and claimed a seat for her own, setting her bag by her feet. She buckled up, but she noticed she was panting; suddenly thinking this was a bad idea. What if something happened, and that would be the last time she saw him? She should have told him how she felt; that she loved him. But as she heard Lt. Scott fire the engines of the smaller ship, and felt the ship rise up, she knew it was too late. And looking out the window, watching Destiny get further and further away, the tears finally fell, and she already was missing him. And even though she knew he was on the Destiny, she felt as if he was so far away, and that she'd never get him back again.

"_**I miss you so much, Wherever you are I love you."**_

_**

* * *

**_Author's Notes: I wanted to express as much as possible that Lily's relationship with Rush is starting to bloom anew. I hope I was able to convey that in the past, their relationship had strictly been on a colleague status, until around the time he lost Gloria, and he needed comfort from anyone he could get it from. And once again, the two of them needing comfort, they are starting to grow closer. Look out for the next part, there will be a surprise coming up, that hopefully, will be very unexpected and very important to upcoming chapters.

Also, the lyrics used in this chapter are from the song "Come Back To Me" by Janet Jackson.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX: "FAITH REVISITED, PART TWO"

She was in line again, as everyone was starting to pile out of the small ship. She was still upset about having to leave Rush behind, but when she stepped out of the ship, she felt her breath still. It was absolutely beautiful. The tall, green grass, flowers of all sorts littered the ground, and she could feel the sun beating down on her. She took a moment to stand there, off to the side, and inhale the fresh air. She hadn't realized how much her lungs missed just breathing fresh air, as opposed to the filtered air that was on Destiny. She frowned a bit to herself, thinking back to Rush. Everyone probably had their own opinions about him, and regarding what it was he may have or may not have liked. She knew more about him than anyone else; he would have loved to been here. Not because of the fact that it was refreshing to get clean air and sunlight, that was probably missed, even by him. No, it was the fact that this was some uncharted planet. And just like any normal person, he was fascinated by planets and galaxies, and would love the chance to explore and find out about all the universes.

She wasn't trying to ignore Lt. Scott as he started to take the role of leader and assign everyone jobs to do. She was just going to keep her word to Rush, walking away from the group and taking her camera out. She was glad she had managed to find solar powered charging bases for not only her camera but her iPod too. Something told her they would come in handy, in case she was ever stuck in space for too long. She took a few steps to the ship that was still a few feet ahead. Raising her camera, and using the view screen to make sure she had a good shot, she took a picture. It looked amazing just sitting in the grass like it was, and she knew Rush would appreciate it. Then she turned around and snapped a few pictures of the group standing there, smiling a bit to herself. She suddenly felt like Eli, since Eli was famous for shooting pictures all over Destiny.

Sighing, she finally slipped the camera's string around her wrist, and joined the group. Some people were helping to make camp; some had been given the duty of gathering food and water for the night. She could have joined the group to gather food and water. She really wanted to see the clean water for herself, and dip her feet in a stream, if there were any. Despite the fact that she had been in a water tank when those aliens had her, she still was a big fan of water. And she missed just enjoying water on her own terms. She definitely avoided the duty of setting up camp. She wasn't a big camper, and she had no clue where to begin to construct anything based on what was around. So when she heard Lt. Scott tell Chloe she could help T.J. with gathering plants, she stepped up to him. She raised her hand a moment, before smiling.

"If T.J. and Chloe don't mind, I'd like to help gather plants. I have my camera; we can use it to document the plants via pictures. In case we have to reference them for later."

"That's a good idea. Okay, you can go with them."

"Thanks."

* * *

"We better start wrapping it up pretty soon, we're starting to lose sunlight."

"Give us a while longer."

She heard T.J. tell Caine, as it seemed the men wanted to head back more than the women. She brushed some hair out of her face, trying not to look so defeated. It had been a while since they were told Destiny was out of range, but she still looked upset. She was trying not to show it; she was still wondering if she should have stayed. She looked up as Chloe gave her a reassuring smile, giving one back in her direction. She broke the distance between them, now standing besides Chloe. She had been snapping pictures, and as she saw the new patch of flowers in front of them, she snapped another.

"How are you holding up Chloe? Considering…"

"As well as anyone could, I guess."

"If it means anything, I'm sorry that those aliens managed to capture you. And that Rush dragged you in on the whole mutiny issue. I don't believe it was his intention to actually cause any damage between you and Matt-"

"No, it's okay. I actually was behind Rush and what he was doing."

"Oh…really? Wow. I thought you hated him."

"I was upset with him, because of how he seemed to not care about my father risking his life. I don't _hate_ him. How can we really hate anyone now, since we're all stuck together."

"That's true. Chloe, Rush…_Nick_ definitely understands how hard it is to lose someone. Ever since he lost his wife, he just doesn't openly express his emotions. I'm not saying he did before; he acts the way he did then. But at least when she was around, he was happier. Life mattered more. …I know he blames himself for her death. And guilt is a nasty thing, especially if you bottle it up. It can turn you cold and distant."

Chloe stopped a moment, and she sighed, shaking her head.

"You care for him, don't you Lily?"

"I do. I have for many years. When Gloria was still around, I used to scold myself for having such a schoolgirl crush on him. But, what everyone doesn't know is I know his tender side. The fact that I was just another student of his, and I could have easily just entered and left his life. The fact that whenever I needed someone, he was always there. The fact that he still keeps me around, even though I am of no use to him now."

"Don't say that. You saw how happy he was, when he discovered your theory of Destiny's power source was true."

"Yeah, but I was just assuming. Just stating a hunch."

"Yeah, but you were right. He looked so proud. Pleased that we weren't going to die, definitely, still, he looked so proud."

"When all the excitement died down, he did pull me aside. Told me that it was amazing that I figured out a dire problem, based on just an assumption."

"See, I told you so."

"I know. Still, I don't know Chloe. It's weird. It's almost like, you know the other person does notice and appreciate you. Yet, you still feel as if they are so far away. Untouchable…"

"I know what you mean. …Does love ever get any easier?"

"No, it doesn't."

They shared a secret hidden smile, as she reached a hand and wiped a tear away. So Chloe was quick; and had found out that she actually _loved_ Rush, and it wasn't just some silly crush, or her just being overly concerned for him. Chloe frowned a bit when she saw the tears, but she shook her head no, sighing.

"It was so hard to leave him behind. Even though he insisted that this was good for me. And I've been feeling so crummy lately, I was kind of hoping he insisted that I stay."

"Crummy? Like you're coming down with something?"

"I don't know. At first, it was just a really bad headache. But since we've been walking this trail, I've noticed some dizzy spells. And now it feels like my bones ache. Either I'm coming down with a nasty cold, or the aliens did something."

"Lily, this is serious. You should tell someone-"

"I don't want to alarm anyone just yet. If it's a cold, then there is no need for anyone to panic. We know I wasn't implanted with anything, cause Nick had me search for scars."

"I'm clean too. …Dr. Rush said we weren't safe, but that was before we removed the tracker out of him. Do you think we're safe now?"

"Honestly, I don't know. A huge part of me wants to say that we are. But that same huge part, has a sickening feeling that…we aren't. The only thing we can do is be aware. Keep our guard up. For all we know, they were the aliens who built this planet."

She saw Chloe look a bit worried by that, and she reached a hand over, rubbing Chloe's shoulder.

"I don't know if this helps, but if you ever need to talk, I'm here. I know you went to Nick a few times when the nightmares were getting to you. The three of us, we need as much comfort as we can get. I'd like to consider myself your friend."

"I'd like that Lily. We could use all the friends we can get now, can't we?"

She chuckles, nodding her head. They looked up when T.J. joined them, and the three women shared a smile. She had a feeling that T.J. would soon be a part of their little circle of friends, especially since it seemed T.J. was coming down with something too. She made a mental note to keep an eye on T.J. too, in case T.J. started having similar symptoms. If that was the case, then this bug or cold was going around.

"Hey, this looks like Sage…"

She went over to where Chloe was, reaching her fingers out and touching the leaves on the plant. Then she pulled some off, raising them to her nose and smelling. She was taken back a moment, blinking down at the plant. Why was her sense of smell suddenly really strong? Now, she was noticing she could smell more than the Sage. She could smell the Rosemary that was a good distance ahead; she could smell the water bubbling down a stream just behind them. She could smell the sweat that was dripping down their faces; and she was spooked. But she tried to ignore it; maybe the heat was getting to her. That had to be it. Snapping out of it, she smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, that's Sage. And I think that's Rosemary up ahead."

She went ahead of them, to kneel down by the bushes of Rosemary. Plucking a stem, she held that to her nose, getting the powerful aroma of fresh Rosemary. Sighing, she was definitely concerned. She could smell yes, but her sense of smell was never this strong before. But she ignored her concern as T.J. and Chloe came over, and snatched some of the Rosemary too. They were grinning, due to the fact that they were finding edible herbs. These would help with flavoring food, for sure.

"I can't believe we're finding herbs."

"Sage and Rosemary are a very good combination. The Sage is a savory herb, while the Rosemary gives a bit of sweetness."

"Let's pick some now, and we can come back and pick some more later. Plenty of it."

The three worked on picking plenty of Sage and Rosemary; they probably would use some tonight. She took pictures of both bushes, standing up and sighing again. Before they would leave, she'd probably pick some for herself. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to pick some and keep for herself. But something in the back of her mind told her she would need some for herself. Soon, they were heading back to camp, a lot of plants in tow. They ate a good dinner consisting of fruits and vegetables, and now everyone was calming down for the night. Using a solar powered lamp, she sat with a journal in hand. Her pen scribbling against the paper, as she wrote in silence.

_Day 1:_

_I forgot how nice it is to see so much greenery. This planet is covered in so much green, and plenty of herbs and flowers. The air is so fresh, and I forgot how nice it is to feel a breeze against my skin. The water is definitely crisp and pure, and the coldness against my skin was a welcoming sensation. And the sunlight. I never realized how pale I could actually become. It's amazing how getting these little things, things we often take for granted, can change people. Since landing here, the entire vibe of the group has changed. No one is arguing. We're working together and everyone seems a bit more at peace. On our hike today, I saw some people meditating, others were soaking in the sun or playing in the stream. Even at dinner, we were all conversing and laughing. The stress of living on Destiny has been melted away from everyone. Except maybe me._

_I know I promised to keep a diary of what was documented, but I can't seem to focus on what it is I'm doing here. I feel bad; he should be here. God, I miss him so much already. I haven't even gone a whole day, and I'm already wishing I was back. I'm worried he's not taking it easy, and is overdoing it. He always overdoes it. I have tried so hard to get that man to take a __**break**__. I wish I could break through that wall of his. I'm sure I know what's been going on within his mind. Why he's become so distant from everyone, including myself. It seems like maybe he's opening up a little more, because of what has taken place. Which is comforting. But what if I just ruined that, because I left? I should have tried to argue more, to stay behind. Maybe I'm being paranoid. Maybe what has happened since being captured by those aliens, I'm reading it wrong. Maybe I'm being stupid, trying to read more into something that probably will never be. I don't understand why I keep thinking there is a place for me in his heart. Sure, he was my teacher and we became colleagues. But outside of that, he won't let me in. I wish he would. I think he needs someone to love him. God knows I love him. _

…_Damn, I should have kissed him before I left. Instead of waiting for him to get the hint, I should have just planted my lips on his and kissed him. I'm stupid. How can I ever get him to see I love him, if I won't take the first step, the first initiative? Maybe I'm wishing he would. I'm losing it. Maybe I don't know what I want anymore. No, that's not true. I know I want him. I know I want a lot of things from him. …God, I miss him._

By the time she looked up, everyone else was fast asleep. She was about to tear the page out of her diary, and start anew, before the dizzy spells came back. And this time, they were unbearable. She felt as if the ground was being pulled from under her, and her hands actually gripped the blanket under her. In a means to stop her from falling, as the ground was now flipped into the air. She actually whimpered out, as she felt like she was being hung in the air. Flashing dots suddenly clouded her vision, swirling around and dancing in front of her. She noticed she was panting, and she had been sweating more than usual. That's when she realized her head was pounding furiously, and she noticed she was running a really high fever. Panic started to flood her, and she felt her heart rate pick up. Which wasn't helping her situation one bit. But she was scared. What was going on? Was she _dying_? Tears started to form, the fever making her go delusional. That had to be it; she was dying. That's why she suddenly wanted to kiss Nick. Why saying goodbye was so hard to do. Why she allowed Chloe to find out that she loved him, and why she was saying those things in her diary. She was dying. She cried out louder, shaking her head no. She didn't want to die. She couldn't die. She wasn't ready, it wasn't her time. There was so much to do, so many things to see. She didn't want to die before telling Nick she loved him.

She cried out, struggling, as T.J. and Matt suddenly came into her fort. Matt was holding her down, despite her struggling. She was panting harshly, and she wasn't sure what was going on. Her entire body hurt, her bones feeling like they were on fire. And she started to notice that her skin felt like it was being torn apart. She felt her heart rate starting to slow…dangerously. She groaned out in excruciating pain, as she gave up the fight, and collapsed against Matt. She heard T.J. yelling out for a few more people, to assist them, before she completely blacked out.

It was hours before she opened her eyes again, and it was just becoming dawn. Someone was sitting beside her, and had her head cradled in their lap. She groaned in pain, as her body was still hurting. She hurt all over, and she felt the fever still lingering on. She whimpered, as it hurt to move her head up, but was glad that she did. She saw Nick's concerned face, but watched him give her a reassuring smile.

"It'll be over soon."

She heard him tell her, and felt his fingers running through her hair. She whimpered again, a part of her wondering what was going on with her body. Her bones now ached, particularly in her hips and legs. She could feel her skin itching and burning in patches all over her body. Her head was still pounding, and the dancing lights were still moving around, except behind Nick now. She felt tears falling down her face, as she whimpered out to him.

"I love you. I love you. I love you…"

Matt didn't know what to say, blinking down at Lily. He looked up as T.J. came back into the fort, coming back with a wet rag. They heard Lily cry out in some relief as the cold rag was placed on her head. She was still whimpering, but continued to stare up into Nick's beautiful face. If she wasn't hurting so bad to move, she would have caressed it. She would have reached up to kiss him. Matt looked over at T.J., a bit spooked out by Lily staring lovingly up into his face.

"What's happening to her T.J.?"

"The fever is making her hallucinate."

"I love you."

"Why does she keep saying she loves me? I-I didn't think she did."

If this situation wasn't so grim, she may have laughed at Matt. T.J. was surprised Matt hadn't put together the pieces. Even when they all were stationed on Icarus, Lily had been constantly by Rush's side. She always had a haunch that Lily admired Rush, possibly loved him, but watching the young woman confessing her love in the open, confirmed it. T.J. watched as Lily started to calm down and black out again. She sighs, looking over to Matt.

"She thought you were Dr. Rush; that's why she was saying she loved you. If there are any changes, let me know."

* * *

When she finally opened her eyes, the sun was high in the sky, and beading down on the campsite. Groaning, a hand went to remove the now dried up rag, dropping it on the ground. She sighed a bit in relief; whatever happened last night had passed. She wasn't feverish, she wasn't seeing dancing dots, and she wasn't in pain. She felt okay. Carefully, she stood up on her legs, waiting to make sure she wasn't dizzy and would fall. She looked around, noticing that the campsite was deserted. She didn't blame anyone; they needed to take care of things, and they wanted to enjoy themselves. She took a moment to stretch, before walking to where they were keeping water. She poured some in a cup, and took a moment to enjoy that. She felt a lot better once she got a drink.

She looked up towards the sky, wondering how Nick was doing. Her hand set the cup down, and then went to go rub at her neck. When she felt her skin, she suddenly froze, confusion growing on her face. Her fingers rubbed again; something wasn't right. She felt skin, but in patches, she felt what seemed to be slimy skin. Panting, she lowered her hand and took a look at them. Her panting grew heavier, as she started to hyperventilate. Her hands were covered in patches of slimy blue skin. Her eyes widened in sudden realization, and her face grew pale. Still panting, she shot up quickly and rushed to her fort. Shaking, she dug through her bag, now realizing that her nails looked a bit longer, especially the thumbnail. She whimpered to herself, feeling the tears that wanted to spill as she finally found her mirror. With her hands shaking, she slowly raised it to her face. The calm world outside of her fort was rattled by her sudden, frightful and _piercing_ scream. That's when she found out she wasn't alone.

Panting and now tears falling down her face, she tried to run out of her hut. She grunted as she barreled into Chloe, the two of them hurtling to the ground. She heard Chloe grunt in discomfort, before standing up again.

"Everything okay Lily? I heard you scream-"

She heard Chloe gasp, as she suddenly got a good look at her. She saw the fear on Chloe's face; the poor woman probably didn't want to see these aliens again. And yet, she was turned partially into one. She stood back up, her hands up in a means to silently tell Chloe she meant no harm. The woman seemed hesitant, as if she couldn't trust her. More tears fell down her face as she took a step forward, close to sobbing.

"Chloe, it's still me…but look at me! …How is he going to love me now? I'm _hideous_. Some kind of monster or freak."

She finally did break down, going to her knees and sobbing into her hands. Chloe stood there, frozen, just watching her. Chloe could see the patches of blue, almost amphibian skin littering her body. The fact that her eyes, although remaining the same Gray color, glowed to an extent. She even had a pair of barbels coming from her face, which she could feel hanging. She sniffled, looking up to Chloe again as Chloe finally got close enough to her. She saw the frown on Chloe's face, new tears spilling out of her eyes. She shook her head, as if trying to tell Chloe to not even look at her.

"Lily, it'll be okay. We'll figure this out…somehow. It's not…so bad. You just spooked me."

"Spooked you? I'm freaking out! Where's T.J.?"

"She went out with Matt to gather more food, to bring back to Destiny."

"Radio them back, now."

Once Chloe had notified the others via radio that there was something wrong, almost the entire camp had returned. She remained hidden behind a tall bush as she saw everyone returning, fear flooding her senses like a thick veil. What would everyone think of her now? Would she become an outcast, treated like the alien freak she was now? Would they trust her, or think that she was now evil and wanted to hurt them? She couldn't cry anymore, she noticed, but she would be sobbing right now. She was really worried by what Nick would say. She wasn't sure, but she got the feeling that Nick was really afraid of those aliens. Especially after the hell and torture they put him through. Why would he want her around, since she was one of them now? She watched as Chloe instructed everyone to stay where they were, and to try and not freak out.

It was now or never, and she slowly stepped out from behind the bushes. She heard some gasp, others murmured quietly amongst themselves. Matt, T.J. and Greer just couldn't believe what they were seeing. She looked down at her feet, thankfully, they hadn't changed except patches of the blue skin. But looking down at her legs and lower torso, she noticed that her anatomy had changed. She had shrunk a bit in height. If she wasn't so afraid, she might have gotten angry about that. Before she was able to even speak to anyone, T.J. insisted they go someplace else, so she could be examined. Sighing, she nodded and followed T.J. into her fort; Matt, Chloe and Greer following close behind. She listened as Greer spoke to the others, reminding herself to thank him later, for the comment he made.

"Okay, nothing else to see here. We need to start another fire and get some food cooking. Go, now."

"Just go on and have a seat Lily. I want to check your vitals first."

She did as she was told, taking a seat as she watched T.J. take items out of her bag. She felt Matt place a hand on her shoulder, in a means to tell her it was alright. She looked up at him, then to Chloe, and finally Greer. Her eyes told magnitudes without her having to say anything: she was petrified. She watched T.J. take her blood pressure first, then listened to her breathing and heart. After a while, she nodded, smiling a bit.

"Well, your BP's normal and your heart sounds fine. At least we know you don't have more than one. Stand up. It seems you shrunk, and I want to see if any bones got dislodged or bowed."

She stood up, looking up at them all. Before this, she was probably the shortest person on Destiny. Hell, she was 4'8 before she had changed. She watched T.J. walk around, and press on certain places along her hips and legs. Then, using a tape measure went to make an accurate measurement of her height now.

"Everything seems okay, bone wise. Probably why you were in some pain last night. You shrunk 4 inches, so that would mean you're-"

"4'4 now, yeah. Not much of a difference, but still, big difference in my eyes."

"How are you feeling? Any pain or discomfort like last night?"

"No, I feel fine. I feel like a sore thumb, like some kind of animal. Other than that, no pain, no discomfort."

"Are there any other changes, aside from the physical ones?"

"Yeah. Hearing seems to be normal. But my sense of smell has greatly increased."

"That so?"

She looked over as Greer kind of challenged her, nodding.

"Yeah. I can smell the gunpowder on your wrist, from when you fired your gun earlier today."

They all looked a bit shocked, Greer chuckling a bit.

"Yeah, heard something up in the trees…"

"Anything else?"

"Eyesight is a little better. Probably due to the fact that they kind of glow now. Other than that, I feel pretty much the same."

"We'll monitor you though, in case you have any ill effects."

"What do you think caused this T.J.?"

She decided to interject, before T.J. could speak, sighing. She looked to Matt, who had asked the question, shaking her head. It was time to tell them what she had told Rush. No one, aside from Chloe, knew about this. They only knew what Rush had told them.

"When Rush and I were on the alien ship, they did all kinds of experiments on us. Or, they did more on me than him, rather. We're still very unclear about what it is they did, but I still have visions about it, when I sleep. They were always injecting a number of things into my body. It could be possible that…they have a means to change people into one of them. Their reason for doing so…I don't know."

"And Rush?"

"From what I can gather Greer, they only did two experiments. One he is still rather fuzzy about. The other he suspects is when they implanted him with the tracking device. …I honestly don't think they injected him with whatever they gave me that does this."

"We should report back to the Colonel."

"Wait Matt."

She sighs, biting her lip and looking down a moment. If they report this to Young, she had a feeling Young would tell Nick. And if he was going to have to come to terms with this, whatever those terms may be, she felt she owed it to him to tell him herself. She didn't want Nick finding out from someone else. She wanted to man up and tell him herself, so they could cope with it together.

"When you report this to Colonel Young, promise me you'll tell him not to inform the others, especially Rush. I-I want to tell him myself, in person."

"Do you think that's the right decision?"

This time, it was Chloe asking the question. She sighs, giving Chloe a hard look, before nodding to Matt.

"I'm sure. Promise me, please."

"Yeah, okay."

"Thank you."

She looks over to T.J., finally getting the opportunity to ask the question she had wanted to ask since she was examined.

"T.J., if they had been injecting me with something that changes me into one of them, why did it suddenly take now? Wouldn't I have changed a lot sooner?"

"I think the high doses of sedative that they injected into your system, is what slowed the initial process. Once your body cleaned the sedative out, it allowed the other stuff to take…"

"Sounds about right."

* * *

"Just be sure to radio back if anything else happens."

"Yes Sir, Scott out."

She had taken her time walking back to the ship for some odd reason. Almost as if she was afraid Rush had answered, rather than Colonel Young. If that was the case, she didn't think Matt would really keep his word then. She walked over to where Matt was standing, the hem of her shirt suddenly became very interesting, and she played with that as she was scared to ask this question.

"What-what did Colonel Young say?"

"Told me to make sure we keep an eye on you."

"…He doesn't trust me now."

"No, that's not why Lily. I know the Colonel, he's just concerned. Afraid that those aliens will try to plan another attack, or come back for you, now that you're this way."

She wanted to so badly interject and tell Matt he didn't know the Colonel. Not like she did. Just like everyone questioned Rush's motives, she seriously questioned Young's, now that he proved he would sacrifice whomever he deemed troublesome or of no worth. She had honestly trusted in Colonel Young prior; she actually thought he was interested in the greater good. But instead of handling the situation with Rush in just about any other manner, he just left Rush to die. Not only that, but left her there, all because she wasn't about to lose the only man who did care about her greater good. Had she been awake during the mutiny, she would have made damned clear to everyone that she was always going to be Team Rush; it was just as simple as that.

"…Did you tell him how I asked that this remain a secret to everyone, especially Rush, until I return?"

"Colonel Young feels that it won't play out well in the end, but he's agreed to keep quiet about it for now. I agree with him, I don't see how keeping this from Rush will make it better."

"Matt, just…please trust me. You may not believe me when I say I know Rush better than the rest of you, but I do. I'm not sure what those aliens did to him, God knows I've tried to get as much out of him as I could. But he's been having nightmares about them, so have myself and Chloe. When I look into his eyes, when he's talking about those aliens; he may appear nonchalant and calm on the outside, but those eyes show me that he's absolutely petrified. Raw terror. …I don't want him living for a whole month, afraid of me. It's why I have to treat this situation as delicately as possible. It's why I have to man up to him about this on my own terms, in person. That way, if he is angered or afraid, we can take small steps to overcome this together. Just like we have been doing about the fact that we were captured in the first place. It's why you are taking baby steps around Chloe. It's the same thing, Matt. It's because you truly know that you can't protect her from them, if they happen to show up again. I feel the same way about Rush, and Rush feels that way about us. These aliens, have stirred up a lot of things and issues regarding not only ourselves, but everyone on Destiny. We just have to be prepared, to be ready. And thank you. Just like you are allowing me to take my baby steps, I know the baby steps you will take with Chloe, over time, will benefit you in the end."

Matt had stood there, absorbing everything she had said. She saw a certain understanding in his eyes, and she took that as her cue to leave. Before she could, his next comment stopped her in her tracks, and her face blushed in embarrassment.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

"Did Chloe tell you?"

"No. Last night, you were hallucinating and thought I was Rush. You kept telling me that you loved me. T.J. told me it's actually Dr. Rush that you love."

"…This stays between us too, especially from Rush. But yes, I do love him. Have for many years; probably ever since the first day I saw him. But that too, has to be taken with baby steps…if at all…"

She proclaims as she starts to walk out of the ship, to try and take the baby steps necessary for everyone on the planet to accept her now.

* * *

It had been a few days since she had partially changed into an alien, and that they have been on the planet. Some people got over their initial worries and accepted her. Those same people argued that she was the same Lily, she just looked a little different now. The others were still threading water around her, trying to decide if she could be trusted or not. She didn't blame them. She was happy that she did have some very understanding friends. Now she was sitting with a couple of them, Chloe still looking shocked. She had looked shocked before but was just now trying to be comforting. She chuckled a bit, rubbing T.J.'s back.

"Well, I guess you and I both have something important to report back to our men, huh?"

T.J. kind of chuckled, but she watched more tears fall down the woman's face. T.J. had good reasons to be unsure or afraid. She honestly didn't know what she'd do if she found out she was pregnant, while having to live life on a space ship. She was sure she'd manage, somehow, still a woman isn't programmed to know how to care for a baby in space. T.J. wanted the security that only Earth, her home, had to offer. T.J. definitely could be concerned, after all, it's her baby she has to care for. However, Lily wasn't about to just sit there, and not let T.J. know that there were people who cared.

"We will all help you, T.J. This baby will not be alone. We all can help, we'll figure this all out together. Hey, maybe this planet will get clearance to be habitual and we can end up staying here."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, it's definitely possible!"

Chloe chimed in, trying to help soothe T.J., and new tears fell down T.J.'s face. It wasn't that they hadn't gotten used to Destiny, but it was so much easier living on a planet. It would be easier on T.J. if she could raise a baby on a planet much like Earth, as opposed to having to deal with life or death issue on a space ship everyday. She rubbed T.J.'s back again, watching her nod.

"I'm okay now."

"You sure? We can sit here a little while longer, if you'd like."

"No, it's passed. Let's continue on."

The three of them started to hike the trial again, reaching down to turn up her music again. The three of them smiled while they walked, singing lyrics to songs from time to time. The trial was relaxing, to just walk and get away whenever they wanted to. It was nice to hang out with girl friends again, her old friends had moved away and started their careers. Just like she had left them and started her new life with Nick on Icarus Base. They stopped as T.J. showed them her favorite spot, her eyes widening. She didn't know that this planet had a small waterfall, listening and watching to the water flowing down over the wall of rock. She smiles, taking her camera out and taking a picture.

"It's beautiful."

"It's my favorite spot. I come here to think a lot now."

"But now we know about it."

"I don't mind if you two know about it."

They take a moment to sit there and admire the beauty of the waterfall. Of nature that surrounds them; Nick would have enjoyed this.

"I'm glad you're walking around and getting exercise T.J. You know that's good for the baby."

"I know. I considered doing yoga like you Chloe, but once I get bigger, it will be harder to do stretches. And, I don't know of anything else I can do aside from walking. Especially if…we have to go back to Destiny."

"I can show you some things you can do. I've been involved in dancing for years; it's another passion of mine. I can show you a couple of stretches, exercises, and dance moves that will be very helpful throughout your pregnancy."

"Really?"

"Yeah, stand up."

"I want to learn too."

She smiled as both T.J. and Chloe stood up. She unhooked her iPod from her pocket, and made sure the speakers were steady on a rock. She flipped through her play list until she reached a song, then put the iPod in the speakers' dock. They shared a laugh at the song that started to play, but she shook her head. She got in line with them, and became serious.

"Okay, of course before any kind of physical activity, you want to stretch and relax. Be sure to inhale plenty of air through the nose and exhale the breath. T.J., since you are pregnant and will be pretty far along soon, breathing exercises are good. Obviously, because you will be delivering a baby, and breathing techniques are key. Okay, let's start with some simple stretches, then I can show you some moves…"

It had been hours since the three of them had stopped, and it was clearly turning night. Still, with their lamps providing light, the three of them continued on like they had hours prior. T.J. had to learn the moves and adapt them to more of a pace that would be better for whenever she got bigger. But both T.J. and Chloe had caught on quick, and were showing they had a passion for dancing too. Now the girls knew the moves she had taught them, and all three of them were dancing and moving together. They walked forward seductively together; they took fun twirling their hair around; giving playful faces and swaying their hips. It was a fun and laid back routine and it was definitely exercising T.J. could do well into her last trimester.

_**I'm talking pedicure on our toes, toes**_  
_**Trying on all our clothes, clothes**_  
_**Boys blowing up our phones, phones**_  
_**Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs**_  
_**Pulling up to the parties**_  
_**Trying to get a little bit tipsy**_

"So you've been dancing for years Lily?"

"Yep."

"What kind of dancing?"

"Tap, Ballet, Jazz, Club, Hip Hop, Freestyle. If I hear a song that moves me, I just go with it."

"Does Rush know that you like to dance?"

"He does Chloe. He's seen me a couple of times. I was involved in a dance team back at the university. You can almost say we knew gymnastics too, since I know how to do all kinds of flips and cheerleader type moves."

"Oh wow. You should get Rush to dance with you sometime."

She blushed a bit, not saying anything on the subject for now. Rush did know how to dance, he just preferred not to. Unless he had to. The last time she had seen him dance was at his wedding. She remembered the moves he had shown while dancing with not only herself but Gloria. That night, he had looked so happy; it had been a long time since she's seen him that happy. She frowned a bit, and they noticed the shift of her mood. Chloe thought she had said something wrong, because she chuckled as she started apologizing.

"Don't apologize Chloe. I was just missing him, is all."

"We probably should head back; the others are probably getting worried."

"Oh right, let's pack up and head out."

"We should make this a daily thing. Coming out here and doing our exercise/dance routine."

"Oh definitely T.J. And it doesn't have to stop either, once we return on the ship."

"Think any of the guys would join in?"

She stopped, along with T.J. to look at Chloe long and hard. Then all three of them busted out laughing, and they were still chuckling as they reached the camp. For the first time since leaving Nick, she was having fun. And she had a feeling they would continue to have fun after this.

* * *

She was sitting close to the fire, Greer mixing what was in the pot. After having broken up some of the herbs, she placed them into the pot as well as he stirred once more. She was feeling awkward; Greer had been staring at her ever since she offered to help with dinner. And she got spooked when he suddenly pulled his gun and pointed it at her, after she set the knife down. She chuckles a bit, shaking her head and now, giving him an eye.

"Okay Greer, you and I need to have a talk, obviously. Put the gun down."

"I don't trust you."

"Why?"

"For one, you're behind Rush. I don't trust Rush."

"Well the feeling is mutual Greer, I don't trust you or Young."

"How come?"

"Because of shit like this!"

He finally lowered his gun, and she let out an aggravated sigh. Lately, she noticed that she still wasn't feeling too good. And for some reason, her hormones were really out of whack. She noticed one day she'd stay in her fort crying her eyes out, the next she would be laughing and hanging out with the others. At times, she would be shy and quiet, and other times she would be snapping at someone. She sat back down again, looking over to Greer.

"Your other reason is because I'm part alien, huh? Because of the fact that they may have some kind of link to me, and may be trying to command me into getting you all in trouble."

"…Should I have reason to suspect that?"

"I don't know, Greer. Honestly, I don't know. All I know is one day I was completely human, the next I'm like this. One day I was happy and go free on that ship, the next…Never mind. I know you don't like Rush, in which case, you may not like me either. I may not care for you or Young, but I don't want any ill harm to come to anyone. I would hope, maybe you at least respected me, for defending Rush like I do."

"I respect you. But I don't have to trust you."

"Well, for now, you have nothing to worry about. If something does happen, then take action. But I am not trying to do anything now, so cut the crap."

And with that she retreated back into her fort, to write about what had happened in her journal.

* * *

She was the only one sitting by the dying fire, the vast sky and stars above her enveloping all of her senses. Her face had dried up streaks across her cheeks, and more tears lined her vision. Something was wrong. It had been three weeks since being on this planet, and she was just getting sicker. She didn't know why, but certain smells and food were sending her to the nearest bush, to get sick. She was getting sick often; nothing was helping ease this nausea. Something tugged at the back of her mind too. She had realized a little while ago that it had been a while since she had her last menstrual cycle. She had been screwed up in the past, and at first, she thought maybe it was stressed related. But the more she thought about it, and thought back to the vision she just had, the more she was realizing this wasn't related to stress.

She had been asleep over 2 hours ago, but she was suddenly awoke out of fear. She could see them as if this had just taken place. She could feel the pain as the tube had been inserted, and could feel that they had injected something into her. At the time, she wasn't sure what it was they had been doing. But the more she thought about it, it suddenly clicked into place. The fact that the tube had been inserted twice, and it had felt like the first time, they had taken something away. The way they had that clear substance and mixed it within the petri dish that had whatever they extracted out of her. Then inject what was in the dish back into her body. Considering all of her symptoms lately, she somehow knew, that had to be the reason. She was moody, nausea wouldn't go away, her breasts were tender, her hips were starting to hurt, and she was suddenly wanting to be around Nick, a lot now. And that would explain why she kept having the dream consisting of that little girl: her daughter.

She sniffled as she saw T.J. had woken up, and T.J. had a look of concern as she sat down next to her.

"Lily, what's wrong?"

"T.J., I have to come clean about everything. I'm not sure if I am or not. But…I think I'm pregnant. And…I think it's Rush's baby…"

* * *

Over the course of the month, a lot of things had happened. The main thing was they all had managed to gather a good bit of food and water to bring back to Destiny. Her relationship with Chloe and T.J. grew more and more each day; they almost acted as if they were sisters. She had even managed to establish a better relationship with Greer, even if she knew that probably wouldn't last long. The kino they had taken to the planet had taken plenty of footage, from dinnertime to occasional soccer type games. Her camera was full of her own videos and plenty of pictures. And her journal was full of pages; some Nick could see and others that were just for her eyes.

This last week, she hadn't taken a single video, picture or taken the time to write. Now she definitely had a hunch that she was pregnant. She was noticing that she was sleeping in longer, and often went back to her fort to take little catnaps. Her body just remained tired, as if she couldn't regain her normal energy. Also, she was seen either becoming sick by the sight and smell of certain foods, while others she would devour them as if she hadn't eaten in years. The two main indications, she felt, was the fact that not only had her jeans gotten a bit tighter, but her bra wasn't fitting that well anymore either. She frowns as she touched them, them being sore to the touch. She looked down at her abdomen that had just the slightest curve to it now. From afar, it would be hard to spot. But she knew her own anatomy, and this curve was definitely new. It wasn't big or very defined, still, it was a curve. She fingered the strings of her pants, having already had to loosen them up, just so her jeans weren't so tight around her waist.

She definitely missed Nick. His smell, his touch, his voice. She was craving him as of late, and even though she wanted to see him and missed him, she didn't want to go back. She was absolutely afraid that she would now have to reveal that she was part alien. She had decided, after talking with T.J., that she would wait to tell Nick about the pregnancy. T.J. had a few means to run a few tests that could let them know, for sure, whether or not she was pregnant. Deep down in her heart though, she knew she was. But she wanted to be absolutely sure, before coming clean to Nick. She was definitely worried about telling him that. Nick had wanted to have children with Gloria, not her. They weren't even together; didn't even conceive the proper way. She was deathly afraid he'd absolutely be disgusted with her, at the news. Think that she was some whore, and he'd never want to see her again. She was also concerned as to what Nick would do once he saw the monster she had become. That's why she stood with the small group that requested get left behind. Matt couldn't even believe that she had chosen to stay, and he used her as a target to try and persuade the others to come back.

"Lily, you have to tell them how important it is to come back."

"They have the right to stay if they choose to, including myself!"

"I don't understand. You rather stay here than return to Rush?"

"I rather stay here than to hurt Rush!"

"What? You won't hurt him!"

"You don't know that!"

"Is it because you're part alien now."

"There's more to it. Look, I'm not going. He's going to be a lot happier without me. So just drop it! Report back to Young who is staying, then the rest of you, get the hell out of here."

She stormed off, tears rolling down her face, having snapped at Matt again. It wasn't his fault; he was trying to look after the best interest of everyone. It was kind and flattering that he'd take the time to think of her best interest, along with Rush's. She stopped walking to take a break by a stream, sitting down. A dizzy spell was coming forth, and she didn't want to risk falling and hurting herself or the baby. Her arms hugged around her waist as she rocked back and forth, crying softly.

"What am I to do baby? I love your father; I need him so badly. Yet, I know I'm going to be the one to hurt him."

She felt the bile rising up in her throat, as a chilling thought entered her mind, and caused her heart to stop. What if her baby grew up hating her? Hating her because of the fact that she was this way, and that she caused the baby to grow up without a father. New tears rolled down her face, shaking softly.

"Nick, what am I to do?"

She asked him, even though he wasn't there, still sitting there and rocking back and forth. She looked up as she saw Chloe walk over, and she automatically stood up and wrapped her arms around Chloe. She couldn't help herself, sobbing into Chloe's shoulder for a bit, before stepping back.

"Lily, you should go back-"

"No. I'm just…trying to learn how to say goodbye, to give him up. …Oh God, I don't want to give him up. I don't want to leave him!"

"Then don't!"

"I have to! What life does he have with me now? A baby made without any of our knowledge, me turning into the same aliens that harmed him. That changed him. I don't want to risk hurting him. I rather suffer than to see him suffer even an ounce. I never realized how love can be a powerful drug, powerful addiction. Even now, it feels like I can't breath-"

"Oh Lily."

They stood, hugging again, as more tears fell down her face. The lyrics to a song came into her mind, and it made her cry harder.

**_Love is like oxygen_**  
**_You get too much you get too high_**  
**_Not enough and you're gonna die_**  
**_Love gets you high_**

**_

* * *

_**He had just had a heated discussion with Young and Camille. They honestly could not afford to lose that many people all at once. Why didn't Young see that? He looked up as he saw Young approach him, and saw the concern on the man's face. Arms still folded across his chest, he gave Young a hard look.

"What else is there Colonel?"

"Matt just reported back to me. Matt neglected to tell me that there was another person who requested to stay. Matt assumed that they would have changed their mind by now."

"Well who is it?"

He saw Young give him a long, hard stare, before he heard the deep sigh.

"It's Lily."

He stood frozen a moment, his eyes widening just a bit. No, he didn't just hear that correctly. Lily, _his_ Lily was requesting that she stay on that planet? He shook his head, chuckling some to himself.

"Quit joking around."

"I'm serious Rush."

Again, more surprise and confusion grew on his face, and he scoffed some.

"You tell her she doesn't have an option to stay-"

"Rush I cannot-"

"You damned well better, or I'm going after her myself. She's not staying on that planet. I don't care how you do it, but you're bringing her back on this ship."

And with that he walked off, swallowing the lump in his throat. What if Young couldn't convince her and she stayed? He frowned, not really wanting to think about that. He had realized just how attached he had become to the young woman; how much he enjoyed her presence. It had been rather odd not having her around. And deep down, he missed her. He walked the familiar path to her quarters, pressing the button to open the door. He closed it behind himself, and smiled as he surveyed the room. Only Lily could make a dreary room on a space ship, look inviting. She had candles set out on the nightstand, even though there were no means to light them. He picked one up and smelled it, catching the familiar scent of vanilla and lilies. He smiled, remembering her apartment had always smelled of the sweet scents of vanilla and lilies. Reaching down to the nightstand, he picked up the only two picture frames she had brought with her. He sat down on her bed, looking down at the pictures.

The first picture was of a young woman, who was about in her mid 20s. The woman was full of life and vibrancy; her hand was placed on a very swollen pregnant belly. A smile was on her face, and it was a smile he recognized greatly. Everything about the woman was a carbon copy of Lily. The woman had long, lovely flowing champagne colored hair. Big, vibrant Grey eyes that bore into his soul, even through a photograph. The woman was short, but stood with such a presence, that she probably always got attention when she entered a room. And this woman was wearing the same necklace and pendant that had become a prized heirloom of Lily's. He was staring down into the picture of Lily's mother, Crystal, who was pregnant with Lily at the time the picture was taken. He set the frame back on the nightstand, now looking into the new picture, smiling vaguely.

This picture, he could remember the day like it was yesterday. He remembered prior to the picture being taken, he had fussed at her about not wanting his picture taken. She had been quick to tell him that this was a significant part of history that was taking place. It was their first initiation into Icarus Base, and they had just gotten their ID cards and had been assigned jobs and rooms. He remembered he reluctantly agreed, and her smile then had been so genuine; so happy that he allowed the picture together. Young had taken the picture, he remembered, but it was the way they stood in the shot that he remembered most. How close they had been; the fact that he had wrapped an arm around her waist, and she had wrapped one around his. Just that one moment to get a feel of her body frame; the fact that his hand had moved a bit, and lifted her shirt slightly. And he was able to feel her skin intimately like that for the first time. She hadn't noticed, too busy posing a smile for the shot. He hadn't smiled; he probably should have. He took note how nice she always made herself, how professional she dressed.

He put the picture back down, looking behind him at the small travel pillow she had managed to sneak through the gate. He grabbed it and raised it up, to inhale her scent. He wondered briefly how she managed to make herself smell so nice all the time. Putting the pillow down, he sighed and rubbed a hand along his face. He decided to finally get up off the bed, looking back into the empty room one last time.

"You have to come back Lil'…"

* * *

Now that they knew Colonel Young was coming to the planet, made her even more nervous. Young has been understanding of her alien situation thus far, but wondered if that would all change once he got a look at her. That's why when she saw the shuttle landing, she turned her back towards it, hoping to hide herself as long as she could. She heard him walk up to the group, her back still turned, tears threatening to fall. She heard his proposal, but it was the ultimatum that shocked her. He would leave the damaged shuttle for anyone who wished to stay, as long as all his military personnel returned to Destiny, but including herself? She wasn't military, so why did she have to go back?

"I'm not going back."

She spoke up, but remained to keep her back turned to him. She heard others giving reasons as to why they should stay. One reason being that whoever created this planet, would be the ones to help them return home. She honestly didn't believe that; she had encountered aliens before, and knew what they were capable of. But regardless of reasons, she saw a lot of people taking their place by Young, and soon, everyone was by his side, except her.

"Lily, you cannot stay on this planet alone, you're coming back with us."

"Why?"

When he got closer, she sniffled, looking up at him finally. Tears rolled down her face as he studied her face, the changes to it now. She spoke barely above a whisper, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

"You wanted to leave me for dead before, why fight to take me back now?"

"There's a man on that ship who needs you."

"He's never needed me-"

"I don't think that. Regardless of what it is you're afraid of. What might happen, because of your recent changes, we will manage through it. I don't think you want to stay this way Lily. And I honestly don't think you want to stay."

Her lip trembled some, raising a hand to her mouth to stifle the sob. But she looked up into Young's face again, and shook her head no. Indicating to him that she didn't want to stay; she truly didn't want to stay. Feeling a squeeze to her shoulder, which surprised her, they both turned and started to walk to the shuttle, the others following behind them.

* * *

By the time they docked the ship to Destiny, she had felt the bile rising in her throat. She had been the first one off, and hadn't even been looking out to see if Rush had been waiting for her or not. After a short while, Eli had managed to catch up to her. She was grateful she had found something she could get sick in, rather than get sick in the hallway. She spit a few times, as she felt Eli rub a hand along her back.

"You okay?"

"I'm okay now."

"I was surprised when they said you had wanted to stay. Why?"

"Look at me Eli."

"I don't see anything wrong. So you're kind of blue, big deal."

She looked over to Eli, staring at him a moment, almost as if he had lost his mind. But then she wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a big hug. She sighed back a sob, feeling a little bit of relief enter her heart.

"I needed to hear that Eli. Unfortunately, not from you."

"I can go get him-"

"No. I'll go to see him myself a little later."

"Oh, right!"

"Thanks Eli."

It was late in the evening, before she heard him walking down the corridor. The entire ship had been still; most everyone was either in their quarters or asleep. She had been just sitting on her bed, as she heard him open the doors to his quarters. They were across from her own quarters, and she stood by the window, watching him. She felt her heart thumping heavily in her chest as she reached over, opening her door. At the sound, she saw his head look up, and their eyes met. He was silent; not saying anything. And she stood there, trying to read his face, but it was blank. He was simply studying her; taking in the new changes. Either he really wasn't affected by her new appearance, or he was hiding his emotions really well. After a moment, she stepped out into the corridor, closing her door behind her. He took a step towards her, and she was taken back as she suddenly felt his arms wrap around her waist. When she felt he was embracing her in a hug, she wrapped her arms around him, hugging back. Tears fell down her face, allowing herself to just get lost in his arms. She hadn't realized just how comforting his touch was to her; she felt all her fears and worry melt away.

After a moment, they pulled apart, and she could see a small smile on his face. She felt his thumb rub against a patch of blue skin against her cheek, sighing. She looked up into his face, suddenly realizing how she had to crane her neck just a little more to completely look up at him. She bust out laughing suddenly, and had taken him by surprise.

"What's so funny?"

"My height now."

"Oh, aye. That didn't piss you off?"

She laughed again, and got a chuckle out of him. She sniffled, as he wiped more tears that were falling down her face.

"…I thought you'd hate me. That you'd be afraid-"

"I won't lie, it's a bit unsettling. I'm more worried about how it's affecting you."

"I'm okay. You sure I'm not…disgusting?"

"I don't think that's even possible, Lily."

She felt a blush rise to her cheeks, chuckling some as she started to step back to her door. She wasn't trying to be rude, but considering it was so late and the fact that they probably needed sleep. She wanted to give him some time to digest everything.

"I guess I'll be heading to bed."

"It's nice to have you back."

"It's good to be back."

She pressed the button for her door, and stood there as nothing happened. She tried it a few more times, getting a buzzing sound. Blinking, she turned around to face him, a questioning look on her face.

"Oh yeah. We've been getting problems of random malfunctioning of doors; I've been working on fixing the problem."

"Oh! Well, I guess I could just sleep on the couch in the Observation Deck-"

"Nonsense. You can just sleep with me tonight."

"…I'm sorry?"

"Unless you prefer to sleep someplace else."

"No, I just-you sure I won't be imposing?"

"No, of course not.

They were now in his bed, her back against him, with his arms wrapped around her waist. She could hear his even breathing against her neck, smiling as he was sleeping rather peacefully. She took his hands, and carefully moved them to rest along her belly. If there was a baby in there, she wanted it to feel both mother and father. She was now happy and safe, with Nicholas. For the first time in a month, she felt at peace. Finally closing her eyes, she fell into a restful sleep, in Nick's arms.

* * *

Author's Notes:

When they arrive on the planet, Lily is 4 to 5 weeks along; when she talks with T.J. by the fire, she is 7 weeks; and coming back to the ship, she is about 8 to 9 weeks along. Also, I'm not sure whether or not some of the characters seem out of character. I just wanted to show a nice bonding interaction between Lily and the girls, and show that Nick can be rather sweet, when he wants to be.

Songs Used:

"Tik Tok" by Ke$sha

"Love Is Like Oxygen" by Sweet


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN- "RESULTS OF LIFE"**

He rubbed a hand along his face again, as he looked down at Lily, who was still fast asleep in his bed. He had fixed the controls to her door days ago, but she still came and slept with him. Last night, it was because she had another nightmare about those aliens. He hadn't had one about them in a long while; but he was having other nightmares. It had been a week and a half since Lily and the others returned from the planet. And although their relationship was slowly changing, taking form of something new, he had to come to terms with what it was he was about to do. He was about to hurt her that he knew. But it had to be him; he was the only one capable of sitting in the chair.

He was just about to get out of the bed, to try and sneak off before she woke up. He stopped, as he heard her shift and start to wake up. He hadn't realized how early he had awoke, and had been sitting there contemplating it all. They could control how much information was traveling into his mind, and the speed that same information would travel. There were risks, that he was certain. But since no body else gave a damn about trying to unlock even a tiny bit of the ship's core systems, he had to be the one to do it. To show them that he was working on solving their little problem; even if he had nothing waiting for him back home. He did allow his eyes to travel to her face, as she started to come back to the waking world. A small smile tugged at his lips, but only for a second, as he thought of Gloria's face the many times he watched her wake up.

He first heard her inhale a deep breath through her nose, watching her head nuzzle the pillow below her. She was trying to decide whether or not she was even ready to wake up. But another moment later, he saw the soft Gray eyes open, still heavy with sleep. As realization crossed her features, she moved so she would be sitting up on her elbows, looking over at him. She then took note of the time on her watch, chuckling some to herself.

"It's still really early. Why are you up?"

"I've got work to do."

"You always have work to do. I thought we'd sleep in…"

"You sleep in. You still look exhausted, I should be going-"

"Wait, stay. Come on, just 30 more minutes…"

He watched her scoot closer to him, feeling his skin get goosebumps as he felt her breath suddenly upon his ear. If his heart didn't feel so heavy with guilt, about the pain he knew he was going to cause her, he may have chuckled. She was smiling, trying to beg him to come back to bed. Her voice jokingly pleaded, soft and hot against his ear.

"Please…pretty please Nick. Pretty please with sugar on top? Please…"

Her begging turned into little whimpers, and he did allow a smile to tug at the corners of his lips. He shared a small chuckle, almost inaudible, as he gave her a deep stare. Despite being partially an alien, there was something about her this morning. He had always admired how beautiful she was, but this morning, she seemed to have a glow about her. Her eyes were sparkling, her smile almost seemed addicting, skin looked smooth and soft. She was just ravishing. He blinked to himself, to shift his train of thoughts elsewhere, and nodded to her.

"Okay, 30 more minutes, but that's it."

She giggled softly as she settled back down in the bed, watching as he lies back as well. He couldn't stop his mind from wandering, which prevented him from actually falling asleep. She did lightly nap, and her gentle breathing had almost worked to calm his nerves. Those 30 minutes went by too quickly for his liking, and as he moved to get up again, she awoke once more. This time, however, she got up from the bed as well. He watched her for a moment, studying her. It seemed she had somewhere important to be, but he didn't question her as she gathered what little items she had brought into his quarters with her. He contemplated telling her about his plan to sit in the chair today, but he knew she would try to talk him out of it if he did. And he was determined to get the answers that they needed.

"Aren't you at least going to go eat something? I know we decided on not eating the things we brought back from the planet, but that doesn't mean-"

"Lily, you didn't have to choose that option if you didn't want to."

"No-no, it's a smart thing to do. I don't want to become addicted to a fruit or vegetable we get from a planet, and suddenly have to go without. With the goop, we have plenty of it. I've just been using all the herbs we've gathered to make the goop more…appealing."

He nodded his head, she was correct about that. While on the planet it seemed Lily, at least, had made sure that they gathered as much herbs that they could find readily on the planet. It was obvious to him that Lily had been thinking about everyone's culinary options from the start. She knew the fruit and vegetables that were gathered from the planet would eventually run out. And that meant everyone was stuck going back to square one when it came to their food options. Lily, being the smart and open minded thinker that she was, knew enough about the herbs, to have the sense to gather ones that she knew would make the goop seem more edible. He realized he never answered her initial question, giving a small, hidden smile as his hand moved as if brushing the issue aside.

"I'll eat something a little later-"

"Nick, we're all under nourished as it is. We can't afford you getting sick on us."

By sick, she definitely meant expiring, and he swallowed another thick lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. He turned away from her face a moment, her eyes were expressing so many concerns and emotions; it almost made him double think his plan for today. But after a moment, he checked his pockets to make sure he had his items, before turning back to her.

"You shouldn't worry about that."

"If I don't worry about it, no one will. I'll bring you something to eat later, how about that?"

"That won't be necessary. I'll be far to busy."

He saw her give him a look of confusion, but he shook his head, silently telling her that 'it didn't matter.' After another long glance at one another, he activated his doors and walked out. He knew exactly where he was going, and Eli and Brody had better been waiting on him. He didn't want to waste any time; he wanted to do this and get this over with, his mind now focused primarily on the task at hand.

She watched him go, making sure she tidied his quarters a bit before she left. She felt bad for not telling him about what was going on. She was just so afraid of what he might do or so, given the news. Especially since it seemed their relationship was fairing a bit better than it had in years. She was worried, excited, scared, and happy; all kinds of emotions were swirling around her today as she made her way to the infirmary. She smiled when T.J. looked up at her, going over to give her a hug. She reached a hand down, to place softly upon T.J.'s pregnant belly, smiling to herself.

"I haven't told Colonel Young anything-"

"I won't say anything. I haven't told Rush either. Although, we won't know anything about me until later today. T.J., do you know what Rush has planned for today? I mean, he said he was going to be busy, but today he sounded as if it was extremely important."

"No. I haven't heard of anything new going on within the ship. I can ask Colonel Young, if you'd like."

"No. I think I'll just ask Nick later, or if I have to, I'll ask Colonel Young myself. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I think the fact that Nick is the father has sunk in, and I'm just too afraid of thinking how this could all go, if I didn't have him. I mean, I can handle being a mother on my own if I have to, but I know what it's like living without a parent, even though I didn't have any for a long while. And I know parent is just a "title," but Nick was a part in making this child, whether he was aware of that or not."

"So Nick doesn't remember how it happened?"

"I think he told me once he was getting these fuzzy images of something they had done to him, but he couldn't really recall. …I know it's something I often flash back to a lot. Although, my visions are different than his. I just remember them implanting me with the fertilized egg. Look at me, I'm talking as if I'm pregnant, yet we're not even completely sure that I am pregnant."

"We'll know later for sure. I'll have enough time, and I do have the resources, to look at your blood and tell. Relax, you're going to feel a little sting…"

She relaxed as T.J. told her, resisting the urge to flinch as she felt the sting of the needle going into her skin. She watched as her blood started to fill up a tiny vile connected to the needle, smiling a bit.

"If I am pregnant, at least you won't be alone. I know you're not too…happy with the fact that you may have to raise your child on the ship. But we can work it out together. And hopefully, we'll find a way to get home, and this will be just a temporary thing."

"Thanks Lily, I appreciate it."

Soon the needle was removed, T.J. setting the vile aside as Lily stood back up again. Still knowing that it was early, she assumed T.J. probably hadn't eaten anything yet. She smiles, gently touching the other woman on the arm.

"Hey, it's still pretty early, how about we go get some breakfast? You are eating for two, after all. You definitely can't afford to get malnourished anymore."

"Neither can you."

She nodded her head; the blood test was just to confirm what she already knew. She couldn't argue with the other woman, as they both left the infirmary to go into the mess hall. The blood test was forgotten for now, as the two women sat down at a table to eat and talk quietly amongst themselves.

* * *

She wasn't sure if it was even healthy for her to do this, but she couldn't stop herself. Someone had vaguely mentioned that they had heard rumors of someone sitting in the chair, and that was all she needed to hear. She panted, her heart thudding against her chest, as her legs instinctively ran to the room she needed to be. She prayed that her suspicions were incorrect; he was busy and tied up in a different room. But she knew how interested he had been in the chair; how him and Young often fought about the fact that no one should sit in it. She remembered the silent threat Young gave him, egging him on to sit in it. She reached the doorway, freezing and eyes going wide as she witnessed what she had feared this whole time.

She hadn't even seen Brody and Eli's surprised and fearful expressions, as she stepped further into the faintly lit room. There in the center stood the chair, and Nicholas was already seated; already tapped into the experiment. She saw the nodes connected to the side of his head, his eyes closed, his being tapped out from this world, only to be locked away into his subconscious. She felt tears tugging at the corners of her eyes, as she turned her head to glare unbelieving at both Eli and Brody. She never knew Brody would keep her out of the dark of something as serious as this. And she was extremely shocked that Eli had kept this from her; Eli had become a dear friend in the time they had spent on the ship already. She frowned, stepping up to where the two were standing, folding her arms over her chest.

"I want you two, to tell me everything, now."

They heard how serious her voice had sounded, the fact that it had been a demand. She stood there, hearing bits and pieces. Something about the flow of the information was being controlled, that there was a selected portion of his mind that the information was being stored. She heard them say they were taking control of the experiment as much as humanly possible. But she still knew there were risks; she knew why Nick was doing this. She understood that someone had to do this, knowing it may have been their last hope of unlocking some of the locked portions and controls of the ship. It was another possible solution or key of them getting home. But Nick didn't have to be the one to sit in the chair. She was angry; she felt as if Nick had been pressured to sit in the chair, and she was pissed that Nick had kept this from her. But even then, she sadly watched him, wondering what it was Nick was unlocking, or remembering, within his own mind.

* * *

"… _This assumption is valid for classical computers; no classical algorithm is known that can factor in polynomial time…"_

_ He had his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, as the information was flowing within his mind, within the background. He opened them a moment later, seeing the concerned looks on all of his student's faces. His eyes moved to one student in particular, taking note of how much younger she looked now, yet, still looked the same. She was seated in seat number 46, the same purple notebook sprawled out on top of her desk. She was wearing jeans, but she always had either nice dress tops on or tank tops. Today was a rather hot day, so she sported a tank, the same color as her notebook. She had been tapping her pen against the desk, but it remained still as her eyes were watching him. She looked to be the most concerned, her eyes heavy and silently asking herself, asking him, 'what's wrong?' Even now, the soft, plump pink lips were in a frown, as her eyes never left him. _

"_Professor Rush?"_

_ He finally acknowledged the class, trying to act as if nothing was going on. He lectured for a while longer before the bell rung and it was time for everyone to leave. He watched the lecture room start to thin out, although he noticed she had hung around. Her hands were holding onto her books in front of her, as she was leaning against the doorframe. He sighed to himself, knowing why she stayed behind. Lily wasn't just any other student of his. They had somewhat of a past together; she was almost like a family friend to himself and Gloria. He watched her climb down the steps, before walking over to him._

"_You sure you're okay? I know Gloria's doctor appointment is today, isn't it?"_

"_Yeah, it doesn't matter."_

_ She looked a bit shocked by his answer, and he watched her debate within her mind if she should press the issue further or not. He sighed, starting to get slightly aggravated, but brushed her off._

"_Really Lily, everything will be fine. You shouldn't be late for your next class."_

_ She looked a little offended at how easily he brushed her off, but she nodded. Before she left, he felt her hand on his shoulder, giving a few friendly and comforting rubs. It was her silent way of letting him know she was there for him, before she exited the room. He stood there for a moment, before he gathered his things and left as well._

_

* * *

__He arrived home, walking in to hear the sounds of a violin. It was playing a beautiful, but depressing piece. He knew it was Gloria playing. He almost hesitated continuing further inside; taking slow and painful steps down the hallway. He stopped at the doorway to their den, seeing Gloria seated in a chair, back turned to him. He hadn't remembered seeing Lily sitting there on that day, but there she was, seated at the couch. Lily was watching Gloria play; obviously Lily had been concerned and being the nice person she was, had come over to check on Gloria. _

_It seemed Gloria had told the younger woman the results, for the Gray eyes were rimmed with redness from crying. Those same Gray eyes suddenly noticed him at the doorway, trained on him as the two of them simply listened to the sad and haunting melody coming forth. He noticed Gloria had briefly took notice of him standing there, still focused on playing. Lily was looking at him, almost begging him to come forth, to take Gloria into his arm. Or for him to say something encouraging, to simply do something. He stood there, information still flowing within his mind. And instead of doing something to console his wife, he simply left from the door frame, going into his office, and locking himself within. She frowned at that, watching Gloria stop playing, the woman almost to the verge of tears. She reached over, her hand rubbing Gloria's hand in a comforting way, trying to offer anything to ease Gloria's mind. _

"_Give him some time, to come around." _

_

* * *

_She stood, listening to the conversation Colonel Young was having with T.J., Brody and Eli, concerning Rush. She didn't like what she was hearing, not one bit of it. The Colonel was upset that no one told him what Rush was planning, when he was the one who was so okay with the suggestion of it in the first place. She bit her lip as the Colonel stated that he didn't care whether Rush killed himself or not, acting as if he was concerned about everyone else onboard. She heard Brody warn that Rush had to be the only person to get himself out of this situation, and heard the warning from Young. Young commanding that if anything went wrong, he'd pull the plug himself. That was enough, she wasn't going to just stand around and take any more of it. As he stepped out, she followed closely behind, stopping him a good distance away.

"I don't want anyone touching him, period. No one is going to pull the plug on this except Rush."

"I do not have time for this Ms. Dalhberg-"

"Oh, but you had time to leave us stranded on a planet. I wonder what everyone would think of their Colonel if I told them what _really_ happened."

"…I thought we had struck an alliance, an agreement."

"You struck one with Rush. I was still under a sedated coma, so I didn't agree to shit. I was compliant, yes, because Rush had asked me to be. And this is the same man, who you just in there, told everyone you didn't care whether he lived or died. So you're breaking the deal by saying all that."

"He just goes and sits in the damned thing, without thinking what it could do to everyone else-"

"You _told_ him to sit in it. He was only doing what, he felt, would help us get out of this situation. Don't you think as a Colonel, it should be _your_ responsibility to do whatever you can to be getting us home? Rather than have Rush do all the damned work, and you take the credit for it? And don't you dare say that isn't how it's going to work, because we all know that everyone thinks of Rush as the fucking enemy."

"So, what do we do then?"

"I don't want anyone touching a hair on him. And I want T.J. nearby, in case, something does happen. And if Rush does find some valid information with all this, I want you to, at least, acknowledge his efforts."

"Done."

"I also want everyone reporting to me first, when it comes to anything involving this experiment from here on out."

"Report to you? That's not how it works, Ms. Dalhberg, I'm the Colonel-"

"I don't give a damn what you or anyone else are compared to me. As far as I'm concerned, that's just a title. Let's not forget Rush had assigned me as his personal assistant, and that means I must be there to assist him. I cannot do that, unless I know what the hell is going on at all times."

"You're upset that he didn't tell you he was doing this. So now, you're lashing out at everyone else."

"Do you really want to rub salt in these wounds? Everyone reports to me when it's concerning him, and I want him safe. If something happens to him, there will be hell to pay."

"Are you threatening me, Ms. Dalhberg?"

"That's not a threat, Colonel."

And with that, she left, stalking back into the room, looking over at T.J.

"You can go back to doing what you're doing. If anything changes, you'll be the first one called in here."

She wasn't too pleased that she had gotten into an argument with the father of T.J.'s baby, but she was only trying to do what was right for the father of her own child. Frowning, she looks over at Rush, whose mouth was moving in a mumble, and eyes shifting this way and that under his closed eyelids. She prayed that this would all be over soon, and was hoping this was just some kind of bad nightmare.

* * *

_He had been listening to Gloria and Constance talk, about Gloria wanting to return home; to visit her family one last time. He couldn't deal with this; he had a lot of work to do and this was just another distraction. These distractions were becoming more and more frequent, and were just becoming bothersome and distracting. He went to his office, opening the door, but saw Lily standing there. Now this wasn't making any sense whatsoever. Lily was just showing up in memories, when she wasn't even there in the beginning. He remembered this day well, Lily hadn't been here. So why the hell was she here now, standing within the middle of the room, amazed by all the papers and scribblings that were seemingly everywhere._

"_What are you doing here?"_

_ He watched her jump a bit, at the forcefulness in his voice, and for once, she was speechless. She simply stood there, looking at him, her eyes laced with wetness. He was confused, and watched as she simply brushed past him and walked off. She exited his home, Gloria and Constance acting as if they never even saw her leave. That was a bit unsettling to him, not quite understanding the point of that, but ignored it as Constance walked up to sass him, like he already knew was going to happen. _

_

* * *

__He was now in his classroom again, and he just finished writing a string of mathematical equations in Ancient on the board. He turned around and faced his class, noticing Dr. Daniel Jackson observing in the back. His eyes swept across everyone, especially Lily, addressing them. _

_"Every code that's ever been cracked, every cipher in the last two millennia has been based on those who came before them. This code, however, is so old, there may be no known predecessor."_

"_You're talking about a proto-encryption."_

"_Exactly, right."_

"_Wh... How do we attack it with no basis, then?"_

_ He looked over his students again, for the most part, they all had looks on their faces, as if trying to figure out the problem. Lily, looked beyond confused, continuing to watch him. He was a bit disappointed; after all, she had seen these symbols before. She should have been standing up, and explaining the little bit of information she knew. Oh sure, she was seriously lacking in what she knew compared to him, but she had __**seen**__ the symbols before. Now, she appeared as if she had never seen these in her entire life. _

"_None of you. Nothing. None of you see any pattern in this? So what good are you lot, then? Why are you here?"_

"_There's symbols up there I've never even seen before!"_

"_Yeah, he's right."_

_ He heard Lily agree with one of his brightest students in the class, and that pushed him over his limit. All of them had seen these symbols before, it was incredulous that not one of them, offered any form of a solution. _

"_Yes you have! Yes you have, because __**I**__ have, and __**you**__ are all __**me**__!"_

_He heard a lot of his students talking under their breaths, wondering what he was talking about, what he was doing. Lily was just sitting there, though now her face had gone from confused to concerned. If he could single anyone out of the entire room, she was the one who should have been really connected to him. She works with him now, in a sense, and he pointed at her. At his pointing, her attention immediately went to him, and he saw slight nervousness cross her features._

"_Lily, out of everyone here, __**you**__ definitely should know these symbols!"_

"_Professor Rush?" _

_ He heard her question, genuine confusion and slight disappointment sounded in her voice. He looked at everyone one last time, before he decided he had enough._

"_Get out! All of you - just get out!"_

_**'I'm spinning out of control**___

_**Not knowing which way to go**_

_**Feelin' left out in the cold**_

_**I just wanna let go of it all and climb over the wall**_

_**I need some help to get back on my feet**_

_**If you're out there cover me'**_

_Soon everyone was gone from the classroom, all except for two people. He watched Dr. Jackson climb down the steps to join him. But he noticed Lily still hanging around, leaning against the door _

_frame. He grunted a bit to himself, as Dr. Jackson addressed him._

"_It's not there fault."_

"_Yeah, I know."_

_ He still noticed Lily there, letting his frustrations get the best of him again._

"_I said get out!"_

_ When she didn't move, he pointed at her, looking over to Dr. Jackson. He chuckled a bit to himself; he was clearly past the limit of his frustrations._

"_Why is she still here?"_

"_Maybe she's always been a part of your subconscious. A familiar face or person who is always there whenever you need her. …It's not her fault either. Maybe she's waiting for you to open up more, so she can help you."_

_ He thought about that a moment, before shaking his head._

"_Lily isn't the answer. Even though she's my assistant now, she doesn't know a thing about Ancient, except having seen the symbols before. She doesn't have any true knowledge about the Stargate program, about how a stargate works, nothing. She does have an open mind, so sometimes, she can come up with some out there solutions to situations, but that's not what I'm looking for." _

"_It still seems like she's some sort of crutch…"_

"_No. It's nothing like that…"_

_

* * *

_She hated to be away from him, especially when he was just sitting there in that chair, and she wasn't sure what was exactly going on. But she was sitting in the infirmary again, feeling her own heart thump against her chest. T.J. had mentioned her test results were in, and as T.J. walked in, she feared it was something worse.

"Lily, you're definitely pregnant. The test came back positive. …How are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know. I mean, he had wanted kids in the past, but that was with Gloria. Not me. I'm-I'm not even sure if I am ready to tell him yet."

"I won't say a word. It's a medical code. I'm not allowed to release any information regarding my patients unless I'm given the okay. Especially since you haven't told Colonel Young anything regarding me."

"It's not my place to tell, Tamara. Anyways, thanks."

"Lily, one more thing. You're about 8 ½ weeks along."

She nodded before stepping out into the corridor again. She walked as if she was having an out of body experience. She was actually pregnant, and was a good ways along too. She was told it couldn't be possible, and yet, she had a little embryo growing inside of her. She frowns, and the father to that embryo was subjecting himself to a dangerous experiment: for all of them. She looked up suddenly, as she saw Eli hanging out on one of the stairways in the gate room. He looked up at her; almost afraid she would bite his head off. She gave a kind smile, waiting for his permission, before she took a seat next to him. He was dressed to go off world, knowing he was going along with Matt, Greer and Chloe to check out the new planet they had stumbled upon.

"Look, I honestly didn't know anything. We had talked about it, but I didn't know Rush was being serious. Although, I should have. He's always serious-"

"It's okay Eli. Rush makes his own choices, including this one. Even if I had asked him not to, he probably would have done so anyways."

"Trust me, I know how stubborn he is."

She chuckles, and had to bite her lip to keep from tearing up. She had so many emotions swirling through her mind, and her hormones surging like they were, she felt like she was going to start crying an ocean. She heard Eli chuckle, looking over briefly.

"I remember the first day I met you two…"

"I remember too, Eli."

* * *

_She looked out the window from the SUV parked in the street, as General O'Neil stepped up to the house. Having been briefed quickly from Dr. Rush, it seemed someone had finally managed to break the Dakara weapons puzzle in the video game 'Prometheus' that he had designed. It meant that this gentleman had managed to solve the mathematical problem everyone had been trying to solve, concerning the ninth chevron. She hadn't seen Dr. Rush this happy in a long time; she didn't have to see his eyes to know that they were shining with happiness. He had put so much time and work into trying to solve the equation. Finally, it seemed that maybe they would be able to dial out, and see what the ninth address held._

_"Let's go."_

_She heard him say, before they both stepped out. The three of them were dressed in their finest, as she stepped up to the house behind Dr. Rush. She was surprised when she saw the pajama clad young man; she had suspected maybe a scientist to solve this puzzle. Although, she had told everyone to not be surprised if some average Joe managed to solve what everyone had been beating their brains over._

_"Who are you?"_

_"Dr. Nicholas Rush."_

_"Hello I'm Lily Dalhberg, Dr. Rush's Assistant."_

_ "May we come in?"_

_ "Why?"_

_ "You spent a great deal of time recently playing an online fantasy game called Prometheus."_

_ "Big Brother's got nothing better to do?"_

_ "Last night, you solved the Dakara weapons puzzle."_

_ "Yeah. A month of my life went into that! D'you know what happens when you solve that thing? Nothing!"_

_ "**We're** here. **That** happened."_

_She could tell that this guy was a bit uncomfortable with three official looking people suddenly showing up on his doorstep. She was about to further explain, in a more non-invasive way, why they were suddenly here. Before she heard him start to chuckle, and point at herself then Dr. Rush._

_"See, we're here because we need your he-"_

_"Ohh, Assistant. I got you. You mean you're his wife, right? I mean, he's got a band but…you don't."_

_She was about to interject that what her relationship was to anyone didn't matter, before she was cut off again._

_"Girlfriend then."_

_This guy was either trying to figure herself and Dr. Rush out, or he was trying to find out if she was indeed, involved with Dr. Rush or not. For his own benefit. Again, neither herself nor Dr. Rush said a word. She heard a nervous chuckle, before the guy sheepishly asked something that absolutely mortified her._

_"…Mistress?"_

_Her cheeks became hot with red before the word was even out of the guy's mouth. She gave the guy a look, before Dr. Rush cleared his throat. Obviously, he was trying to get the guy's attention off his hormones and back to the task at hand._

_

* * *

_"I remembered you came and explained yourself, and I kept apologizing. I still am sorry about that, you know. Hey, are you okay? You look like you're about to cry."

She sniffles, shaking her head, even though a few tears were rolling down her cheeks. She felt his hand on her back, rubbing, and the sincere frown on his face.

"Lily, seriously, I'm sorry-"

"It's not that Eli. Just, was it that obvious? I mean, did I look like a…whore, next to him?"

"What? No. No! Of course not. I was just trying to figure out your relationship with him. Your body language suggested you were involved."

"I-I didn't realize you noticed things like that. But why?"

"Because you're a beautiful, young woman."

Nods her head, chuckling a bit, but still sniffling; the tears wouldn't stop. She bit her lip a moment, face scrunching up a bit as he mentioned more memories that have happened since coming aboard the Destiny.

"When…we all thought we were going to crash into that one sun planet. That's when I realized you had something for Dr. Rush. I had suspected. But, when you had asked me to film that kino footage, the things you had said. The emotion it captured."

* * *

_She felt her heart racing, she felt the bile rising in her throat. She also felt that she couldn't catch her breath, even though she was running. She had just gotten into a huge argument with Rush; one that she was seriously regretting, but felt as if she was right. Why couldn't he understand? She didn't care if he thought she should be one of the people to go to the planet, he had no right to make that decision for her. She didn't want to leave him behind, yet, he was forcing her to. Why couldn't her theory be accurate? Why couldn't the Destiny just use some kind of solar panel to soak up energy it needed from that sun planet? The same one that was causing this whole mess in the first place. She pants by the time she reaches the kino room, seeing Eli sitting there, looking at a few of them. She had heard about other members of the ship coming by, to tape their final goodbyes on kinos. Just in case someone managed to stumble upon them, once Destiny actually crashes with the planet. She saw Eli look up at her, almost as if he was surprised to see her._

_"I'd…like to record something. If you can help me, please."_

_He didn't ask questions about the state she was in, or who the message was for. He stood up, activated some buttons on the panel, and she watched the kino hover in front of her. When he silently pointed at her, she knew it was time to record._

_"Hello. My full name is Lillith Marie Dalhberg. I'm about 7 or 8 months shy of my 25th birthday. I'm a Scorpio…"_

_She sighs, ignoring the surprised look on Eli's face; she had never given her actual full name to anyone before. So he was probably surprised her actual name was Lillith, and not Lily. She also decided to cut pass the general information ordeal, and get to the point._

_"As I speak, we are in a dire situation. Our ship, the Destiny, is heading towards a sun planet. There is no way to reconfigure the navigation, or to plug in an alternate course. We have been unsuccessful in obtaining the main systems, and we cannot break any of the codes that the Ancients have programmed into all the computers. It is a pre-determined route, even if that means once the Destiny makes impact, it will be fatal. Myself, along with a pre-determined number of scientists, military and civilians, are being spared. We will be taking a smaller ship to a planet that is just outside this system. There, we will try to survive. If anyone finds this, I want the brave individuals who consisted of this crew, to be remembered. For their courageous efforts to the discovery of mysteries of this vast universe, and for their time and dedication spent on the many experiments and tasks that they had performed. To name a few people off the top of my head: Tamara Johansen, Adam Brody, Colonel Everett Young…"_

_She swallowed, as her throat suddenly got tight. His name was on the tip of her tongue; and yet, she couldn't say it. Her lip quivered, as she gave a look to the camera. She saw Eli even falter, at the defeated sadness and failure that read across her face. Then she cried out, and faltered; she started to breakdown._

_"What the hell am I saying? I'm being saved even when I don't want to be saved. I meant what I said, there are many men and women who need to be remembered for their duties and efforts spent with not only the Stargate Program, Icarus, and the Destiny Expedition. But the one man who I feel needs to be remembered the most, is the man I'm being forced to leave behind. Whoever does find this, I want you to know everything I have kept bottled up inside of me since day one. Dr. Nicholas Rush is a dear friend of mine. He is probably the one person who has made me who I am today. If I had not honestly, by the grace of whoever, cleaned up and made my way to California. I'd probably be six feet underground, in a casket, dead. This same man, opened my eyes to the possibilities that await us beyond Earth. He's so intelligent and hand working; he devoted a lot of time and effort into this expedition. He's decided to go down with Destiny…only because he thinks he has no one else to go home to. I know that's the way he feels. But he's wrong. I love this man. I always have. He's been so lost these past couple of years, and I've always been by his side, in case he needed me when he'd fall. What happened to his wife…"_

She took a moment of silence there, to wipe at her eyes and recollect her thoughts.

_"On her death bed, I made a promise to his dying wife. And since that day, I had a special purpose in life. I felt as if I had greater meaning to him. I know Rush acknowledges me, but not in the way I'd want him to. By being forced to leave Destiny, by accepting that he's chosen to die, it feels as if I've failed him. And my entire life, I've been considered a failure. At least, I don't feel very much like a winner. At least when I'm around Rush, helping him in whatever it is he needs my assistance with; it makes me feel like I'm doing something. It keeps me busy, constructively, since I'm so afraid I'll go back to being a crack addict. Rush saved me, and for what, to push me away again?"_

_After a while, she looked up and saw Eli's shocked face; she had expressed a lot of emotions she never thought she'd let on to Eli. She watched him go to turn the kino off, and she shook her head no. With the footage still taping, she changed her tone again. She decided she would tell Rush how she truly felt, and to do it now._

_"Rush, I wish we would have had more time together, so you could get to know me more. Our relationship has always followed the lines of Professor/student. I went to you for advice, I went to you for help; I always went to you whenever I needed you. And you were always there. Okay, sometimes I wouldn't get my answers until after you were done working, but they would come. There's…more to me than the persistent "damsel in distress" side of me. I remember when your wife died, how much you had relied on me. And, I'm not sure if I ever even, showed that I was strong. Even if it was just a little nudge of it. I'm not sure if you feel I'm strong because I've overcome addiction twice. Maybe I'm not strong at all, maybe I'll be forever weak. But what you're doing to me now, it's killing me. I want you to know, that I've always admired and respected you. In my eyes, you could never do wrong. And even though I'm so upset that you've decided to die, instead of trying to survive, I cannot stay mad at you. I wanted to be there for you more; I feel like I've failed you, and that hurts. What hurts me the most, is that I'm letting a piece of myself die with you Rush, and that's my heart. I never told you before, but you're the only one who owns my heart. When you're around it either flutter or pounds, whenever I'd see you break down or hurt, my heart would stop. Whenever you'd be worried about something, my heart would be caught in my throat. The few, tender moments we have shared, my heart would feel whole again. I was hoping maybe I might have been the one to make your heart one again. Since I know you lost a very big piece of it when she died. You've lost yourself since then Rush. You were different when she was around. And I've been trying to help you, make you see that there is still life beyond her. She wanted you to live Rush, to be happy. I much rather suffer, if it meant you were happy. I'm just so sorry you won't allow me more time. That you have told Colonel Young to force me to leave, if I tried to stay. See, we're so together, you know what moves I'm going to make before I even make them. I just want you to know that as long as I live, I will never forget you. And even though I will continue to live, and roam my days as an empty husk, I will strive to make sure everyone I come in contact with, knows just how significant of a person you were. And always will be. I love you. I love you Nick, I love you!"_

_Finally, tears were pooling down her cheeks, and she shook her head to Eli, signifying to cut the kino off. Eli was frowning when he gave the kino to her, but watched her push it back into his hand. She shook her head, lip trembling some as she spoke._

_"Before you know you guys are going to crash, make sure he sees that. Promise me Eli, okay? It's very important that he knows how I've felt, how I've always felt. Promise me!"_

_"I promise Lily."_

_

* * *

_"I was shocked, when you guys came back, and you told me to not show the kino to him. Why? I don't understand **how** you can love Rush, but…if it means that much to you…"

"It's complicated Eli. I figured with the crisis adverted, I should tell Rush face to face how I feel. Yet, I have yet to do that. I was seriously hoping he'd realize it to some degree on his own. He's pretty quick on finding out everything else."

She heard Eli chuckle, but she shook her head again, making him frown.

"I need you to promise me something else Eli. To not tell him what I'm about to tell you. It's…a very delicate situation. And I need time to plan out how I will tell him about this. Maybe then, I'll be ready to express how much I love him too. …I'm pregnant Eli, and it's definitely Rush's."

"…Oookay, how in the hell were you two able to make a baby, and not, you know?"

"It happened on the alien ship Eli. They subjected us to experiments while we were on board. They extracted his sperm for the sole purpose of impregnating me with his seed. For what purpose, I don't know. Maybe they were able to isolate separate genes and thought the baby would hold the information they seek, I don't know."

His eyes were wide and she saw the slight nervousness in them; now he probably had a new fear or concern with the aliens. It took him a moment to focus on her again, seeing him frown again.

"How far along are you?"

"8 ½ weeks, and I just confirmed it myself today."

"Well you got to tell Rush-"

"Eli, I just told you it's a very delicate topic. It's going to take some time to figure out how to tell him."

"Well it's going to come out in the open eventually. You'll start to show, and I don't think him finding out one day by suddenly seeing your pregnant belly, will be putting it delicately."

"I know. It's just that he had wanted kids with Gloria. Not me. I'm afraid he'll get angry or reject me, even though I hadn't wanted this. I mean, I did want this, but you know what I mean. I mean if he actually loved me back, and we had planned it. And made a baby the proper way. It's a miracle I'm able to even get pregnant, I was told I couldn't. I got raped when I was 18, when I was a student to Dr. Rush. I was told I couldn't get pregnant, so, this is just as shocking to me as it would be for him."

"You still got to tell him. He deserves to know."

"I know, just give me a little time Eli. Promise you won't tell him? Please, this really needs to come from me, and not anyone else on board."

He seemed to debate it, and she saw that he really wanted to say no. He felt that she needed to tell him right away, but he sighed, and shook his head.

"Okay, I promise."

She hugged him; she knew Eli would become like a brother to her. After a while, they parted and she waved goodbye to Eli, after telling him to be safe while they went off world. She tried to eat something, but failed at it, as she simply stirred the spoon in the bowl. It had been roughly 20 minutes since the others went off world, and she felt alone now. It wasn't until she heard the sound of someone running to the mess hall that she stood up alarmed. She saw Riley a moment later, yelling out to him.

"What's going on?"

"It's Rush!"

She didn't want for the rest, and took off running towards the interface room. She saw T.J. listening closely to his heart, and the heart monitor on the side beeping frantically. She felt her own heart straining to beat, hurrying to his free side.

"What's happening to him T.J.?"

"He's having a cardiac episode."

"Oh my God. Rush! You better not die on me, damn it! Come on, we need you. Come back, come back. Focus…focus on my voice…"

Her fingers smoothed through his hair, as she continued to breath the same command over and over in his ear. It was a far-fetched theory that it would work. She wasn't sure if he could hear anyone outside of his own subconscious, but she had to try. She knew cardiac episodes were bad; he's overworking his heart for one reason or another and could stress it to stop. Swallowing, that meant he was having a mild heart attack. Trying to calm him down, was her only solution, as T.J. helped professionally.

* * *

_He had just figured out a significant clue to solving the equations required to unlock the main systems of Destiny. Something so simple, something that had been staring at him in the face. And now, he was suffering from excruciating pain. He heard Dr. Daniel Jackson asking if he was okay, as his hand clutched at his chest, grunting in pain. He felt himself sweating, and his body starting to shake and convulse. When he looked up, it seemed like the lights were blinding him, but she suddenly came into focus. Lily definitely had not been there that day; but he didn't suffer from this heart problem either that day. Nothing was playing out like it originally did. However, he watched her kneel in front of him, and felt her fingers smooth through his hair. After a moment, her free hand carefully took his away from his heart. He felt her hand take its place there for him, and she looked deeply into his eyes. Tears were streaming down her lovely face, and she was saying something, but she couldn't hear him. He almost started to panic at that; thinking blood flow had been altered so badly his brain was starting to be affected by it. Suddenly, he heard her voice all around him, almost echoing. It was calm, soft, and he felt himself become submerged by it._

"**Focus…focus on my voice. Allow yourself to relax. Whatever it is that makes you scared, I'll help you through it. Don't be afraid. Relax…calm down…come back…come back Rush…"**

_Just as quick as the cardiac episode started, it quickly started to fade away. The pain suddenly stopped, and her voice was gone. When he looked up again, she was suddenly gone from the room as well. Blinking, he wondered if Dr. Jackson had been right. Was Lily really there, in his subconscious this whole time, just to make sure he remained safe? He stood up, shaking his head as Dr. Jackson tried to tell him to take a moment._

"_No, we need to go to the hospital. My wife needs me." _

_

* * *

_She had excused herself, having to make a mad dash in order to get sick in a bucket. So many things were going on now, that she honestly didn't know which option was the best one. Eli, Greer, Matt and Chloe were trapped, and Rush could be the only person to save them. If Rush stays in the chair much longer, it could definitely kill him. The only choice would be to pull him out, however, that held risks too. Everyone was on edge and close to panic, and her hand shook as she saw the tissue she held in her hand. That was covered in blood, Rush's blood, from cleaning off his nose. The fact that she was pregnant, was not helping her nerves when they were already shot. She closed her eyes, wishing that Rush would be back soon; he always knew what to do.

The moment they had said he was coming to, she rushed in. She saw the nodes retract, the arm bindings allow him freedom. When his eyes opened, he looked so lost and confused. Once he got his bearing he surprisingly stood up, and tried to rush off. She went to go help his steady himself, until Colonel Young stepped forward. Immediately, Young was trying to get Rush to help the small group stuck on the planet. She understood that urgency, but Rush had been through a lot too. Being more concerned for Rush, she snapped some.

"Leave him be for just a damn minute!"

Young ignored her and continued on explaining the situation. She saw the defeated look on Rush's face, and how confused and tired he really was. He sat back down, clutching his head and shaking some. She heard the grunt, and she kneeled in front of him, speaking softly.

"Calm down. I don't need you going through another cardiac episode again."

He looked at her, and she felt it was the first time they actually sat, looking deeply into one another's eyes. His were tired and showed just how much he'd been through. Hers showed how upset she was with him, but also, how worried and concerned she was for him now. He sunk to the floor, and she immediately wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her. He allowed her to hold him, and she'd remain there as long as he needed her to be. Simply holding him.

* * *

"Rush, all this was worth risking your life for?"

"We'll see."

She stood in the doorway, as Colonel Young took his leave. Soon, Rush was left alone at his console, still sitting there. He looked to be deep in thought, but his eyes gave him away. It had been the first time, in a long time that they held so many emotions. Mainly, she saw the vulnerability in them again. The last time she had seen those eyes was the time she consoled him in the graveyard, after he had just buried his wife. She walked over slowly to him, a hand gently laying upon his back, to let him know she was here.

"You doing okay?"

"As best as I'll ever be, considering."

"Let me know next time, okay. You scared me half to death."

He nodded, and she left it at that. She couldn't be too angry or upset with him now; not after everything he went through. She knew he probably brought up a lot of memories with Gloria. She hoped maybe it was situations where he wasn't there or felt bad for not being with her. So he could erase those from memory, and remember just the good times. So he could slowly move on and accept that he had nothing to do with her death. She gave a soft smile, sighing to herself.

"So you just heard about my discovery?"

"I have. It's amazing, how simple yet complex that answer is."

"How so?"

"Well, it's just a number, 46. But like you said, it's a genetic code from an Ancient. We all know the typical number of chromosomes in a human cell is 46. Which means there are two pairs of 23 chromosomes apiece. One pair inherited from the egg of the biological mother, and the other from the sperm of the biological father. Imagine how amazing it is to program a ship, based off a single person's DNA structure. Because the different chromosomes are what help develop the different cells. Skin cells, brain cells, everything. It's like you said, their genetic code is probably much more complex than ours, but you'll still be able to figure it out. Even a human's DNA structure can consist of flaws. Half the amount of chromosome, ending with only 23 instead of 46. Abnormalities, repeating sequences, duplications."

He looked a bit shocked at the information she was providing, chuckling and shrugging.

"I loved Biology, what can I say? I could never route a DNA structure myself, but I listened to everything that was being said. I'm a science nerd, you know that."

She gave a gentle shove of his shoulder, smiling and leaving him to his work. As she walked away, it was amazing that inside of her now, the same very process was happening. Her egg and his sperm had combined, and were now splitting and combining, to form the genetic makeup and code of their baby. She sighs, hoping Rush would be happy about this, like she was.

He watched her go, smiling a bit to himself. Maybe Lily would become useful in unlocking Destiny after all. Having never known she knew that much about Biology. He chuckles to himself; about how ironic it was that she had been holding the answer all this time as well. The number 46 surrounded Lily just as much as it had surrounded him. It was surrounding him this whole time all because of her. It wasn't just coincidence that she had four injection wounds on her left arm, and six on the right. Nor that she was the 46th student to sign up on his class roster sheet, or had chosen to sit in seat 46. Was it coincidence that she had been the 46th person to have been signed to the Destiny expedition? Or that the date of her birthday consisted of the number four, and if you added the solitary numbers of 2 and 4, that they added up to 6?

Maybe she was a bigger portion of all this than he had originally thought. She was certainly proving that she wasn't just there, that she was in fact, helping when she could. He smiles to himself, as he activated the first sequence of codes to run through, as he thought back to that day. They all thought they were surely going to perish then. And yet, it was her idea that seemed so ridiculous at the time that proved to be accurate. He still couldn't figure out how she suddenly thought the Destiny had consisted of solar panels, or that the Destiny knew to stop at certain places for energy. And yet, Lily had, and she was right on the money with that accusation. He had been so proud too.

* * *

"_How in the hell did you come up with that theory?"_

"_I don't know Rush. But why would the Destiny blindly go towards a planet, that would have killed anyone on board, unless it had a purpose to go there in the first place."_

"_The Destiny was sent out into the universes, without a crew-"_

"_But even you said it was a trial run. Before the Ancients would clearly use her for their own expedition purposes."_

"_Okay, let's say you're correct. If she has a purpose of going to this planet, for what purpose?"_

"_To collect more energy for herself."_

"_How would she be able to do that?"_

"_I don't know. Solar panels that absorb the solar energy from the planet and channel it into her energy systems-"_

"_There have been no discovery of any solar panels on her, anywhere. I've seen her blue prints on the console, Lily."_

"_Maybe they're hidden, so they can't be tampered with or damaged if she ran into any other races or problems."_

_ He rubbed a hand along his face, sighing and shaking his head._

"_This ship, will be colliding into this star in under two hours now. There is nothing we can do to stop this. You have already been instructed to leave and go with the team to the other planet. I suggest you go now."_

"_Why did you choose that for me? I want to stay-"_

"_That isn't an option. Your choice has already been decided for you."_

"_And I think it's cruel and unfair that you're going to treat me as if I'm a child. I can make my own decisions damn it!"_

"_Not this time, you can't!" _

_ He frowns as he heard her run off, grunting to himself and rubbing his face. He knew he had hurt her, but this was for her own good. He couldn't watch another person he cared for die. _

_

* * *

__He looked from the observation deck, as the Destiny was just skirting the surface of the star, rather than rushing into it, like he had thought. He laughed to himself, in relief, as they weren't going to die. He even heard an enthusiastic "Yes" leave his mouth. After explaining the details to Eli and Chloe, he returned to his post on his console. After pulling up a few maps, he chuckled to himself. Lily had been right, about everything. Hidden under her wings, the Destiny did have solar panels that would recede back into their hiding place when they were finished being used. He saw Brody join him at the console, as he was still chuckling to himself._

"_What's so funny?"_

"_Nothing, except the fact that Lily had been right all along. Before she left with the others, we had gotten into…a debate, as to what was going to happen. I argued with her that there was no other possible solution; that the Destiny would crash into the star, and we'd perish. She came up with the theory that the Destiny possibly had hidden solar panels that could absorb solar energy from a star or planet. And that the Destiny already knew her power was getting dangerously low, and she knew to stop to gather more energy. I explained to Lily that the Destiny was on a pre-determined route, and could not shift course, and that there was no evidence of any solar panels. As you can see, she does have solar panels, and she has stopped at this star to collect the solar energy from it. Energy has been restored to its halfway point, and she's continuing to pull energy from the star."_

"_Well, Dr. Rush, it seems you'll have to give Lily a gold star for today."_

"_Yes. I imagine I will, once they return to Destiny…"_

_

* * *

_He smiled to himself; he knew Lily would be one of those growing and promising students of his. And hiring her as his assistant was for the incredulous solutions and ideas she'd come up with. That time, she was correct, and he remembered her face when he did hug her. And explained to her she had been right about everything, and that she had been amazing, in coming up with that theory. He wondered, how much more she'd grow, and what other theories she'd help him discover. He also wondered how it was, that she had been there during that cardiac event. How had she managed to slip from that level of consciousness, and managed to assist him through his subconscious? He debated to go find her, and discuss everything further. Sighing though, he activated a few more buttons, and sat at his post. He decided, it could wait for another day. They had plenty of time to discuss that further.

* * *

Author's Notes: I wanted this chapter to serve as a lot of flashbacks and memories. It just fleshes out more that has happened between Rush and Lily. And to also show that Lily isn't just there to say "I'm Rush's assistant." That she can actually come up with theories, and she does have some knowledge about certain elements. The next chapter will be a lot more exciting than this, trust me.

Song used in this chapter: "Outta Control" by Thousand Foot Krutch. Some of the lyrics will be used again in the next chapter. Look this song up if you haven't already; it's so very Dr. Rush.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8- "MISGIVINGS"

It had been a whole week and a half, since Rush had sat in the chair. And she was still purposely avoiding him. She was avoiding him because he had carelessly sat in that chair, and hadn't thought what it might have done to him, or to her. She hated the fact that now, it seemed, he had turned completely cold to her as well. They never spoke to one another; if they crossed each other in the corridor they never said anything. He hardly even looked at her anymore, or asked her to tag along on off world missions. She was grateful that the Colonel had volunteered for her to tag along on one of the missions with Rush. Although, that was kind of awkward. She finally thought maybe she was making progress; they were at least, speaking to one another. But then she had to get so emotional, and so close to the verge of telling him she was pregnant, that she panicked. And now, she had shut herself off from him even more.

She wished Eli was here to talk with; Eli would have helped put her mind somewhat at ease. Chloe might have as well, and she wasn't here either. It felt empty and wrong for Destiny to continue on, leaving some of the crew behind. They had managed to find Greer, and that was a relief, even if any one hardly got along with him. But to simply continue on without Scott, Chloe or Eli; it made her feel shady. She wondered briefly, if anyone else felt that way when they found out she hadn't come back, along with Rush, when Young had stranded them on that planet. Did anyone feel sorry for her? Did anyone even give a second thought to Rush being stranded either? She really needed to talk to Eli or TJ pretty soon. She was 10 weeks along now, and she was pretty sure she would start showing. She looked down briefly, seeing just the small rounded bump her tummy was making now. She could hide it well enough, but if it got any larger, she'd have to borrow clothes from the others to hide it.

She started into the mess hall, just as Rush was walking out. Again, neither of them said anything, although she had frowned and simply walked past him. She saw him briefly stop and take notice of her still pretty much ignoring him, before he walked off again. She told herself to not get upset; to not let her pregnancy hormones get the best of her. She was still upset with him enough, that she wanted to try and teach him a lesson. Whether he was aware or not, she loved him; and she wanted to make sure he realized on some level, that he had hurt her. But at the same time, being pregnant with his child, all she wanted was for him to comfort her, to tell her that it would be okay. She played with the little plate of fruit that was set in front of her, holding back emotions.

He frowned to himself, as he walked back to his console, not quite acknowledging anyone else in the room. She was still ignoring him, that much he could see. Normally, he never cared if anyone ignored him or not. He accepted his fate of being a loner for the rest of his life, if it came down to that. But for someone like Lily to be that silent; he knew her pretty well. It wasn't that hard to figure Lily out. She wore her emotions and heart on the outside, while he chose to tuck those things away. Those got in the way too much. But he couldn't help but be curious as to why she was continuing to ignore him. That off world mission, she had acted as if she had something to tell him. Shakes his head, obviously whatever it was, it didn't involve him. But he would be lying if he didn't admit, that he had grown used to her being around. To her trying to learn everything he knew, to try and help him solve problems. Now, she wouldn't even look at him.

**_"I'll wait to be forgiven_**  
**_Maybe I never will_**  
**_My star has left me_**  
**_To take the bitter pill_**  
**_That shattered feeling_**  
**_Well the cause of it's a lesson learned_**  
**_Just don't know if I could roll into the sea again_**  
**_"Just don't know if I could do it all again" she said, it's true"_**

She just couldn't eat, even though she knew she probably should. Considering being pregnant, she hadn't gained all that much weight. She frowned deeper; she had been deeply worried about how her pregnancy was going so far. She still knew she was pregnant; intuition reminded her that she was. But would this baby be okay once it was born? She's had no prenatal care, they don't have the proper doctors or equipment to successfully deliver a child, much less be able to take care of her or the baby if something was to go wrong. Would the baby be born with birth defects, because of the lack of nutrients, of care, and of proper monitoring? Would the baby be born an alien, since she was now part alien? She wiped a few tears away; Nick would probably have those answers. Yet, she still wasn't ready to patch things up with him. She felt as if she couldn't read him anymore; like he became a completely different person. She sat on her bed, watching the colors dance on the floor from the amazing atmosphere of FTL. She listened to the sounds outside of her window, trying to ignore her sadness, her worry.

**_"Waiting in my room and I lock the door_**  
**_I watch the colored animals across the floor_**  
**_And I'm looking from a distance_**  
**_And I'm listening to the whispers_**  
**_And oh it ain't the same, when your falling out of feeling and your_**  
**_Falling in and caught again"_**

After a while, everyone had to meet in the gate room to hear the announcement Young had to make. He was giving up the rescue effort of Matt, Chloe and Eli. If that wasn't enough, he had put the water and food rations back on again. Soon, she supposed, she'd have to come clean about her pregnancy to Young, so he'd allow her a bit more food and water like T.J. was allowed. For now, she tried to not focus on anything going on. She reached under her bed and pulled out her sewing kit she had managed to bring through the gate. She had used a beat up old tank top she had packed, and ripped it to pieces. Then, had constructed little baby booties and cap out of the black, cotton material. It was known around Destiny that everyone was planning a little baby shower for T.J., and everyone was building gifts to give her for the baby. This was all she could offer, not knowing how to do much else. She put the project away quickly as she heard footsteps, then a knock at her door. She saw that it was Riley, smiling a bit. She was glad he was better from his previous accident when he was helping to make repairs to the ship.

"Sorry to disturb you. I was informed to tell you about our most recent "dire" situation."

"Does it ever end Riley? Can we go one day aboard this ship without something threatening our lives?"

They both laugh at the situation, even though it wasn't a funny situation. She scoots over as he sits on the bed, and had caught sight of the booties and cap. He chuckles a bit, pointing down to them.

"She'll like those. Sure the baby will appreciate them too."

"Thanks. I have white thread, so I was thinking of offering her to have the baby's name stitched on the cap. Once they decide on a name."

"I made a little truck, out of random, spare parts I found on the ship."

Her eyes widen a bit, shocked he knew how to weld like that.

"That's amazing Riley. Can't wait to see it."

"Maybe I can make a miniature Destiny, for your baby shower."

She nods her head, but then did a double take, glaring at him in shock. How in the hell did Riley find out she was pregnant? And, did he just mention baby shower? How many people already knew, and were keeping it under wraps, just like she was? Were there really that many people, who cared to throw her a baby shower? Half the civilians on this ship just cringe at the mention of Rush's name. Riley just gave her a little smile, nodding his head.

"T.J. told me. She felt it was only right to let all the military personnel know, so we can keep tabs on you. Since you're not telling Rush about it-"

"Just, not yet. It's kind of a delicate situation Riley. But I know, I won't be able to wait much longer. I'm going to start showing. At least, I hope I do. It'll ease my mind on how the baby's progressing. I guess it'll become more real to me, once I see more of a pregnant belly. Right now, it still feels like its some surreal dream, and I'll wake up any minute."

"We're here for you Lily. All of us, even Greer. Although I know, he doesn't show it."

"Too bad Matt can't be here. And Chloe and Eli. So all the military personnel know? What about Colonel Young?"

"T.J. felt that you probably would like to let Young know yourself. Another one of those, delicate situations, I suppose."

"Not as bad with Young as it will be with Rush. I'm sure Rush wasn't prepared or planned on having a baby anytime soon. And when he did want a baby, it was years ago, and with Gloria. Not me. And I'm sure not…in this fashion too. Did T.J. tell you…how I became pregnant?"

"She did fill us in briefly. We're on a greater high alert, to make sure those aliens don't plan on doing any more experiments on anyone else."

She sighs, standing and pacing a bit. Her hand goes to her belly, that now becoming a regular habit of hers. Bites her lip, as she tried to not cry again, turning to face Riley again.

"Don't get me wrong. We all know what the aliens did to me, was some sick experiment of theirs. For what purpose, I don't know yet. Probably never will. But, I don't consider this baby a mistake, by any means."

"I wasn't implying-"

"I know you weren't. I'm just stating it for the record, so everyone knows. I wasn't even supposed to get pregnant. Much less have the capability to carry a baby. Yet, I have been for 10 weeks now. And everything, I pray, has been going well so far. But Riley, the truth still lies underneath the fact of it all. I was told my body could not handle a baby. Much less carry full term and deliver. Will you promise me, that at least, I have someone who is willing to do what it takes? If the delivery ends up badly, and you have to make a choice. If my death allows for this baby to have a chance at life, I want to be assured that is the choice you all will make. I cannot go on living, knowing that I was the one who killed this innocent baby."

Now tears were falling down her face; it broke her heart to think this baby could die. It was amazing. She had never met this baby before, never got to see what this baby looked like. And yet, just the 10 weeks she knew it had been growing inside of her, she was hooked. She'd do anything for this baby, whatever she'd have to do, to make sure this baby could strive. Riley stood up, quickly hugging her, and it was nice to hug someone. Just the gesture alone made her feel a little better. Although, she was yearning for the arms to belong to Rush, and not Riley. When they parted, he smiled sadly at her, but nods.

"I promise, if it does come down to that. Everyone, especially T.J., are going to do whatever we can to make sure both you and baby will be safe through the delivery. What about Rush though?"

"What about him?"

"What if Rush isn't okay with that decision?"

She sighs a bit, biting her lip as she thought about that. If Rush seriously ended up not being okay with this whole ordeal, she wasn't sure if he'd be too keen on saving either of them. She knew he wasn't that cold to just kill two people off. Then again, he was a very practical man; for the greater good. If herself and the baby automatically sealed their fates based on the delivery, he'd have no choice but to let it happen. No, she wouldn't give him that option. Shakes her head, looking at Riley.

"You want the honest truth? Of course, you already know how I feel about Rush. I think everyone is up to speed in regards to that, but him."

That makes her chuckle, and the sound of her own laugh seemed so taboo to her now. But she shakes her head, as she faced Riley.

"I love Rush, and he was a part in making this baby, consciously or not. And once I tell him about this, I hope he does step up and do what it is he has to do. But I'm going to be straight forward with you Riley. And I'll make sure everyone, especially Rush, gets one thing clear. In the end, this is my child. I'm the one risking my own life by carrying this child, much less, attempting to give birth once it's time. In that case, I should be the one to make the final decisions when it pertains to this child. If I'm gone, then of course, someone else will have to make sure to help this child on the right path. To help make the right decisions for the baby, until he or she can do so on their own. But it's not Rush's decision on what is going to happen to me, or this child, when I'm giving birth. If he's trying to help save either of us, then of course, allow him to do whatever is necessary. But if there is absolutely no hope for me, and there is a chance of survival for this baby, that's who I want chosen. Say your goodbyes to me, and welcome this child into the world. If I do die, the only thing I want is for the baby to have this pendent. It was my mother's, and it's all I have of her. And if I die, then it's something I want my child to have. It's the only thing I would have to give the baby, at that point."

It was a very touching subject to talk about, but in the same sense, she saw that Riley highly respected her. In the end, she was being a good mother, even before actually becoming a mother. It was clear and evident, that in the end, all that mattered was the baby. Riley hugged her again, and she embraced the hug for some time, before they parted again, and he nodded.

"Okay, I promise. But we're not going to let anything happen to either of you, okay?"

"Okay."

She says, although she wasn't sure if she would really end up okay in the end or not. Chuckles again, as she realizes they had been talking, and he had yet to tell her of their current situation.

"So, what's happening aboard Destiny now Riley?"

"Rush says that we won't make it across the void to the other galaxy. And that's why Destiny has been trying to conserve power this whole time."

"Really? He's absolutely sure of this?"

"Yeah. He said he's done all the calculations and sums, and every time, we end up coming short. He mentioned how we barely made the last three jumps."

"I'm sure that little visit from our alien friends didn't help matter either."

"No. Our power reserves and FTL drives are nowhere near 100% efficient either."

"So, has anyone come up with a game plan yet?"

"Rush told Young we could bring an expert on board from Earth to help with the FTL drive. They believe increasing its efficiency by five or six percent will help us make the jump."

"Sounds reasonable. Did he say who?"

"Amanda Perry?"

At the mention of her name, the color from her face almost drained. It wasn't that she didn't like Amanda, she was a pretty nice person. They often talked to one another when she was just an Intern to the Stargate Program. It was the fact that the other woman shared a similar attraction to Rush, is where her horror came from. Amanda and Rush would often have their chatting sessions too. Amanda matched Rush's intelligence, and that often made her feel threatened. She could never be that smart, and that was something Rush liked in people, opposite sex included. Frowns, Amanda coming on board was just going to complicate the pregnancy matter worse, she just knew it. But there was underlying guilt feeling so jealous of Amanda. After all, it had to be hard being confined to a wheel chair your entire life. Still, Amanda was a huge factor in Rush's life, and she had to try and focus Rush on this important factor.

"Yeah, she's a good choice."

Frowns as she said goodbye to Riley, and watched him leave. Amanda was a good choice; she could definitely help to fix their FTL problem. But she feared Amanda would only make her situation with Rush, a lot worse.

* * *

It was further on in the day now. She already knew that Lt. James had first tried to use the stones to switch with Amanda. For one reason or another, that didn't work out. Then Camille had decided to switch with Amanda, and now she knew, Amanda was on board. She had already been filled in that a few people saw Rush showing her around the ship, and had been in the mess. Now, there was this new problem; one of their FTL drives had malfunctioned and exploded. That wasn't pleasant, being thrown off her feet like she had. It was bad enough that she was still getting dizzy spells, due to the pregnancy. Now, there were groups of people lined up outside the infirmary to be looked at. Obviously, she wasn't the only one who was thrown around. She was one of the people in the line. She didn't see Rush or Amanda, so either they faired okay, or they were taking care of the problem. Frowns to herself, folding her arms over her chest. Now with Amanda on board, she felt like Rush was unreachable; untouchable. Looks up as T.J. greeted her, stepping into the infirmary and sitting on a bed. After T.J. had checked her out, and eased her mind that this pregnant mom was okay, she had to make sure T.J. was okay. It was clear that T.J. was heavy with child, having blossomed a bit herself since being on that planet. She worried about T.J. often too; she was much further along than she was. Even though it would be a tragedy if she lost her baby, if T.J. lost her baby now; it would be absolutely heart wrenching.

Both mothers gave each other a comforting smile, before she parted ways. She decided to go see if Riley was in the gate room, to find out what the progress of their situation was. When she stepped into the room, she saw the second person she had been purposely trying to avoid. Even though it was Camille, who smiled and started to walk over, she knew it was Amanda. The woman had always had some kind of mannerism with her hands, and even now, she was doing the same mannerisms. She really wanted to walk away. It wasn't that Amanda was a mean person, or that the two never got along. It's the fact that Amanda also tried so hard to get to Rush. She knew damn well Amanda's feelings For Rush. Hell, Amanda pushed and tried harder than she would herself. Amanda's feelings for Rush just didn't seem…genuine. Yes, all three of them have had unfortunate situations happen in their lives. So, they all understood one another to a certain degree. And probably had felt sorry for one another at some point in time. But Amanda's feelings for Rush seemed to be a crush, more than a deep feeling she felt. Even around Rush, sometime, Amanda seemed like a child. Amanda didn't know Rush deeply like she did. Amanda didn't feel Rush coursing through her veins, haunting her nightmares, involved in her deepest dreams and fantasies. No, if Amanda had a choice between Rush and being able to walk again; she knew which one Amanda would choose.

"Lilith, is that you? Oh my god, it is you! It's been a while, how have you been?"

"Amanda. Nice to see you again."

She stepped up to Amanda, the two of them embracing in a quick hug. When they pulled away, Amanda was slowly taking her in. She got nervous, hoping Amanda was too excited about seeing her, and wouldn't notice the tiny swell of her belly. She sighed in relief when Amanda's next comment didn't hint that she noticed anything in regards to her pregnancy.

"Wow, you look great. Last time I saw you, you were just recovering from the detox and everything."

"Oh come on, you saw me a few times after that, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but briefly. I know I told Nick how concerned I was. You were really thin a few years ago."

"Well, not to drudge up the past. But when you're addicted to drugs, it's all you're concerned about. I didn't eat then, and the whole detox process. Well, it took my body some time to not get sick when I ate."

"Well you look great, healthy. How are things, really, on this ship?"

"Not bad, considering. Sure, we're faced with a dilemma almost every day. But having Nicholas on board…"

"Yeah, I bet. So, how many situations has he gotten everyone out of, so far?"

"Too many to count. Although he's been involved in some situations as well."

When Amanda gave her a questioning look, she brushed it off, shaking her head.

"I bet you're just amazed to be here, much less walking."

"I am. It's unlike anything I could imagine. I'm hoping this is not just some dream and I'll be waking up soon."

"No. Destiny is very much real. Just like you walking now; it's real. Just sorry that you'll eventually have to go back to being in that chair."

"You're so lucky Lily. To be here, up in space. Traveling the universes, and being with Nick. I'd give anything to be in your position."

"So, Nick must have filled you in some, right? About me? You didn't freak out seeing the patches of blue, alien skin."

"Briefly. Seemed the two of you went through hell."

"In a sense. But don't worry about them. They won't be coming back."

She frowned, hating to lie to Amanda; to everyone. What they didn't know, was the aliens were closer than they thought. A lot closer. She already knew who it was that sabotaged the FTL drive; she already knew about that plan from the beginning. She knew, because, they were keeping tabs on everything, through her. What everyone didn't know, was they had implanted something else inside of her. In the back of her neck, hidden by all of her hair, was the faint, healing incision line. They had implanted a device, that allows the aliens to mind speak to her. For a while now, they kept insisting she give into their demands. So far, she's been able to fight them off, luckily. The bad thing about all this was, she felt like a spy. They knew everything that was going on, all because of her mind. The device being implanted on her spine, in the back of the neck. But worked off her neurotransmitters of the brain. Everything she thinks, feels, worries about; they all could obtain that information. All thanks to her.

She blinks after a moment, not having realized Amanda had been asking if she was okay. She started to tell Amanda she was okay, just deep in thought, a dizzy spell hit her. She wobbled a bit on her feet, feeling Amanda place a hand on her shoulder to steady her. Faked a smile, to throw Amanda off.

"I'm fine. Just a random dizzy spell, is all."

"You look a little flushed too."

"I'm great. Look, maybe you should go see if Nick needs any help. After all, it's the main reason why you're here. I sure as hell don't know what to do about the FTL drive."

"Yeah, you're right. I should go check on Mr. Brilliant. See you later though, okay?"

She nods her head, biting her bottom lip as she watched Amanda walk off. God, how she hated telling Amanda to go to him. But she didn't want Amanda staying with her, and catching onto the fact that she wasn't okay. She really wasn't. Not only was she having issues with her own relationship with Rush, but also now Amanda was here. That complicated everything. Then, she had to worry about the aliens trying to mind control her in actually succeeding. What if she did give into their demands, and allowed them to take control? That worried her. The big thing was being pregnant, and trying to keep it together for the baby's sake.

Huffing, she sat down on the staircase, taking a moment to allow the dizzy spell to pass. Great, she was flushing more now too. She knew that was another symptom to being pregnant. Her body was increasing her blood volume, and the increased blood was making its presence. Her ankles were kind of swollen too; again, because of the increased blood flow. The flushing, she could pass off as her doing too much too soon. Most of the civilians still didn't know of her pregnancy, along with Rush and Young. She knew she'd have to come clean eventually, especially before her second trimester. Although she wasn't sick 24/7, people have been taking notice of her frequent avoidance to eat. Just some days, the very sight or smell of the goop and fruit, made her get sick. Other days, she was fine. But it would seem odd if she suddenly gained her appetite back, and then some. Plus, if she has a little belly now, she knew it'd only get bigger.

Sighing, she calculated in her head that she was 3 weeks shy of her second trimester. And although Rush was completely oblivious to everything, she had been carrying his child for 11 weeks now. Closing her eyes, she prayed within her head that carrying for this long was a good sign. That the baby was healthy and striving, and she wouldn't just wake up one day to discover she miscarried. If that happened, she wasn't sure what she'd do with herself. She sat there on the steps, kind of enjoying the calm silence of everything. She allowed her mind to stop worrying, to stop feeling so bad, everything. She just allowed the calm silence in, and she hadn't even realized she had leaned against the railing and fell into a light sleep.

It must have been 45 minutes later, when she was stirred awake suddenly. She wasn't sure if she had really been alone this whole time. Or if anyone did see her sleeping, they just decided to not disturb her. But her eyes widened when she realized what it was that woke her up. She was clearly alone, yet, someone was attempting to dial in. She saw the Stargate illuminated, and spinning back and forth, channeling in the different chevron addresses. She got up and went to a console, nibbling her bottom lip. She cursed herself, for not knowing Ancient and how to contact someone. She had no radio on hand, so she couldn't tell anyone that way either. She just hoped maybe Rush or Riley had caught onto the gate dialing. It didn't take much time before other people started to flood the gate room, including Amanda and Rush.

She frowned a bit to herself, as Rush didn't even look her way. She briefly locked eyes with Amanda, but took a few cautious steps towards the gate. She felt Greer reach an arm out, in a means to tell her to either step back or not go any further. She took a few steps back then, especially when he raised his gun. She swallowed; unsure who or what it may be trying to dial onto Destiny. But when she the three familiar figures, she chuckled out in relief. The look on Greer's face was the same that was on everyone else. She ran forward, giving each of them a hug, especially lingering on Eli. She sighed a breath of relief; at least Eli listened to her. At least, Eli did give somewhat of a damn. Chloe gave her a smile, seeing the hidden little smirk within in. So Chloe could see the tiny swell of her belly from where she was standing.

"I never thought you guys would come back!"

"You mean you guys weren't the ones trying to dial us here?"

"No, but let's not focus on how this happened, I'm just so glad you guys made it back."

She touched Chloe's shoulder, allowing her to see some of the others who had gathered in the room. She smiled a bit as Greer and Matt gave a brotherly hug; Greer could have peace now as well. She followed behind Eli, as he reached into his pocket. She gasped as she saw the glasses he retrieved, and was handing over to Rush. She gave Rush a look of 'oh my god' as Eli managed to find the glasses Rush had lost in their initial alien struggle. The same pair of glasses she felt bad he had lost, because of her. Rush didn't say anything, just simply grabbed them from Eli and studied them. Eli gave her a big grin instead, since Rush wasn't saying anything. She said a silent 'thank you' to Eli, before a hand was placed on his shoulder and she escorted him out.

"You have to tell me everything. I don't want any details left out…"

* * *

She chuckled a bit, as her and Eli was sitting in her chambers, simply talking about the experience they had while being stranded. They knew they were pushing it; Colonel Young had instructed Eli to get to work. And he had been working, but she still pulled Eli aside to chat. It was something she missed and needed. She made a face though, as Eli finished telling his story.

"And I thought the huge spider and big dinosaur looking alien was bad enough. We were worried we'd set off another distress beacon."

"You guys are lucky you didn't. Though, I don't think I could have handled that big spider. I hate bugs, especially spiders."

"Good thing you weren't there then."

They both laugh, and he smiles over at her, suggesting with his hands.

"So, I see that things are going okay with the baby…"

"Managing, I suppose. It's not much of a belly, but it's something."

"So, Rush knows everything now, right?"

When he asked her that, she looked away; the wall had suddenly become very interesting. He chuckled a bit, thinking that she was joking with him. She turned her head and gave him a sincere and serious look, frowning slightly.

"You haven't told him yet?"

"It's not the right time Eli, especially with Amanda on board."

"That so?"

"Let's just say Amanda wants the same thing I want."

Eli blinked at her, trying to figure out what she had meant. She didn't catch his confused look, continuing on.

"I'll tell him definitely before I go too far into the pregnancy. At least at the beginning of my second trimester."

"And when is that?"

"Three weeks from now."

"You know, if he finds out how many people knew about this, and he didn't. He's going to go even _more_ psychopath on everyone than he already is. You know this, right?"

"Don't call him a psychopath."

"What? It's what he is…"

She heard Eli mutter under his breath, making her sigh some in frustration. She sat down on her bed again next to Eli, looking him seriously in the face again.

"If you were a woman, you'd understand more."

"Ouch. Harsh."

He chuckled to let her know he was playing, and to continue.

"I've been thinking that I'll become a mother once the baby is born. But Eli, I'm a mom now. I'm all this baby has. This baby depends solely on me, right now, to care for the baby and to help him or her grow. You all will just have to trust my instincts on this, okay? I am going to tell him, I am. I wouldn't just have this baby, and just expect him to be okay with everything, right then and there. I'm just still trying to figure out what I'm going to say. So please, don't say anything."

He sighed, unsure of himself, but he nods his head.

"You know, he's going to kill me for this…"

"He's not Eli. I'll make sure of it. Now, go on, before he starts to radio for you."

She watched him leave, but decided maybe she should try and see if anyone needed any help with anything. Just because she was pregnant, exhausted, and part alien, didn't mean she couldn't help. Plus, it was time she stopped distancing herself from Rush. If breaking the ice was going to get any easier, they needed to start speaking to one another again. She made it to the control room, and he was there standing next to Amanda. She caught smiles from Brody and Park, who both exchanged a look. She stepped up to Rush's console, as Amanda stepped over to Brody's to look at something. He didn't even look up at her, though; she knew he knew she was there.

"Hey Rush, is there anything you need my help with? Anything?"

"No."

"Nothing at all? I was told you haven't eaten. I can get you a plate of fruit, and bring it here. Sure Becker wouldn't mind-"

"I said no! Nothing you can do here anyways! Go help Becker or something in the kitchen."

Eli frowned at her, and Amanda was acting as if she was trying to skirt past the fact that Rush had just snapped at her. Basically kind of talked down to her too. Nods her head, biting her tongue, though she wanted to tell Rush to quit acting so pissy. Brody gave her a bit of a frown too, nodding to Park. Park left her console, and started to walk with her out of the control room.

"He's just…frustrated about everything, that's all."

"I appreciate you trying to help Lisa, I do."

"How are you feeling? You look a bit flushed."

"Part of the minor pregnancy woes."

She left Park to go back to work, and stopped by the infirmary. She hadn't meant to stop James and T.J. from talking, but it was a ritual of hers to check up on Franklin. And when the FTL drive exploded, he had been thrown around as well. James had found him and was concerned, so it was decided he would stay in the infirmary. She took a seat on the bed, frowning up at James and T.J.

"I didn't mean to disturb your conversation. I just came by to check up on Franklin."

"Umm, perhaps we can talk a bit more outside, T.J."

"Yeah. Ummm, I was just about to feed him-"

"I can do that. Go on, seems like it's important you talk with James."

T.J. nodded and walked out the infirmary, to meet James in the hall. Sighs to herself, grabbing the bowl of the goop, stirring it a bit. She gave a kind smile to Franklin, raising the full spoon to his mouth. She was patient as he opened his mouth, and she helped him to eat. She took another spoonful, raising it to his mouth, starting to talk to him. She didn't care if he couldn't understand or talk back; she liked that he'd listen.

"This is good practice for me anyways. Once the baby is off of breast milk, anyways. I guess instead of worrying what I'm going to say to Rush, I should be practicing being a mom…"

Of course, Franklin didn't say anything, but she knew he was listening to everything she was saying. Chuckles some, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry you're in this unfortunate situation. I'll be sure to bring the baby by, so you can visit with him or her. I'm 11 weeks along…"

He took another spoonful, sighing a bit and stopping, looking into his eyes.

"I'm sorry that Rush pressured you into sitting in that chair. He may not be able to express it now, but I'm sure he does feel extremely guilty you ended up like this. Ever since his wife passed away, I've been trying to knock down that defensive wall. Those Machiavellian tendencies of his; he wasn't always like this. I mean, he was, but when Gloria was alive, he was different. He at least loved, laughed, cried. The only time he does any of those things is when he's thinking of her. He's let guilt consume him, and that can be a very awful tragedy. I'm slightly jealous of Amanda, she's the person we've brought on board to help fix the FTL drive. At least she's able to have a conversation with him. She matches him, intelligently; it's something I'll never be able to do. I thought my outgoing, loving, and genuine nature would kind of provide a crutch for him to start rebuilding his own life. It's been years, and I'm no closer than I was when I was a student of his. I used to pray that maybe my destiny was Rush; that my mother and God had selected him for me. And it was his dying wife, the promise I had to make for her that set my destiny with Rush in motion. Now, I'm starting to doubt if that's even true. And now I'm carrying his child, the one thing that is supposed to bring two people closer, and I feel like I'm losing him. I know I need to stop hiding; the more I do, the more he just slips away. But I'm also afraid if I let my true feelings show, he'll either reject me or just laugh in my face. I'm not trying to dump my feeling and problems on you Franklin; it's just nice to have someone who just listens. Maybe I should start listening to my own advice, for once. What my heart tells me, as oppose to what my brain tells me."

Franklin didn't have to say anything; she had decided herself. She would tell Nick everything; the pregnancy, how much she loves him, everything. She had finished feeding Franklin, and she made sure his mouth was clean. She leaned forward, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek, smiling.

"Thanks for being a good friend."

As she walked out of the infirmary and into the empty corridor, all she could think of was a certain song. The lyrics stuck out so much in her mind; it was how she felt when it came to Nick. How she wanted him to listen to her, how she craved his touched. How she felt the more she hid, the more she was losing him. The fact that she had beat one addiction, but had realized over the years that **_he_** was her addiction. She was hooked, and she was growing damn tired of getting just a small taste.

"_**I hate feeling like this  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of  
Is waking to You  
Tell me that You will listen  
You're touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing You**_

_**Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of You  
**_

_**I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Les I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel**_  
_**Waking up to You never felt so real  
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way You make me feel  
Waking up to You never felt so real"**_

_**

* * *

**_It had been three weeks since Amanda had joined the ship. Three weeks since Eli, Chloe and Scott managed to dial back onto Destiny. Three weeks since they almost had another encounter with the same aliens who managed to get her pregnant. A lot happened in the past three weeks. The robot they had managed to find was busy working day in and day out in isolating the damaged FTL drive. It was amazing to sit down and watch it work. The aliens weren't on their tail anymore, but that didn't make her any more comfortable. In the back of her mind, she could hear them instructing her to carry out some plan to let the whole crew know they were serious. To let them all know they had her under their thumb, and it would be her to overtake the ship. But she ignored them, even though it was slowly starting to push her on edge.

She took every opportunity she had to practice what she was going to say to Nick. Every time she rehearsed, it just didn't sound too good. It sounded, well, rehearsed. She figured out that she would just have to tell him how she felt at the spur of the moment. But it was so hard to get him alone now. Amanda was stuck to his side as if they were conjoined at the hip. And it pained her some to see that he was actually enjoying her company. He was laughing more, smiling more, and not minding standing at that console working. She only hoped he was rational in the fact that eventually, she would have to leave. And everything would go back to the way things were before she arrived.

She hoped Camille was doing okay living the life of a disabled person. She could only imagine how tough that had to be. Everyone else carried on like usual. Daily exercising, not too fond of eating the goop that was provided. James still seemed troubled, and she took turns with her in taking care of Franklin. It had become a daily habit for James now, too. Brody, surprisingly, had managed to take the time to make the ships' first and only still. He had managed to somehow make some bastard form of moonshine; obviously very potent. Chloe and James were frequent visits for shots, and it seemed a lot of people were just happy for a new place to hang. That and anything that would numb the distress of being stuck in space. She would visit Brody to talk, and simply sip at water, not risking drinking anything while pregnant.

It amazed her how much she had blossomed over the small time frame. Going into the second trimester, she noticed a lot of the annoying pregnancy symptoms took a backseat for now. She wasn't getting sick anymore, and was actually gaining her appetite back. Eli would gripe when she would try to steal what little bit of fruit he had. People often stopped her to tell her she looked great, and that she had a certain glow about her. She was definitely happy when the fatigue slowly wavered off, and she started to regain her energy back. She didn't feel like a zombie walking around the ship anymore. If it was even possible, her hair had managed to grow a few inches longer, and a bit thicker. And not having hardly any nature light to influence highlights, her hair was starting to take a more pure champagne color. Her nails also seemed to be soaking up the surge of nutrients her body was producing for the baby, for they grew longer and stronger. Even her skin looked a bit more flawless, and again, had that natural pregnancy glow to it. She simply felt great and looked great. Her belly had even gotten more of a swell to it.

That was the only thing she had panicked about. She had instantly ran to Eli, asking if she could borrow a spare shirt he had managed to pack. Even if she knew she'd get questions about it, she didn't care. All her shirts were too tight now, and definitely would give off to something being off, before she had a chance to tell Nick. She was examining her belly now, rubbing her hands along it softly. She knew most of the swell had to be her uterus, still, the baby was inside. And it was a habit to let the baby know she was here, by rubbing. She was starting to also have people just touch her belly too. She thought at first she would have minded, but it was actually becoming flattering. To know so many people were excited; having expected people dreading the fact that there was another "Rush" on the way.

She did hate that she had to borrow Eli's shirt, knowing that had to be weird for him. But with how large her breasts had gotten, and the fact that the belly would continue to grow, it's all she had. She frowned though as she looked down at the black shirt, with the large text that read: "2+2=5" and then in smaller text below: "For extremely large values of 2." When she had first started to wear the shirt, she could see that Rush and everyone else on his team caught the inside joke. She could also see that Rush had probably noticed how odd it was for her to borrowing someone else's clothes. Just enough to take notice of it; she knew he probably didn't dwell on it much longer that that. Other people simply laughed for the sake of taking notice of the equation. She got the inside joke; however, Math was never her favorite subject.

She had been taking the day to just prepare herself for this evening. She was going to tell Nick everything, finally come clean. It didn't matter if Amanda would be by his side or not. Hell, she probably needed to hear all this. So Amanda knew she wasn't joking around anymore. She seriously was in love with him, had been since she first laid eyes on him and she was pregnant with his child. She looked up as Eli knocked on the outside of her door, before walking in. He chuckled and pointed at his shirt, shaking his head before sitting down on the bed.

"It's so weird to see you wearing that shirt. MY shirt."

"I know, but the baby and I appreciate it. We really do."

"How is the little Rush doing? Can we feel the baby move yet?"

"I've been feeling little…flutters, but I'm not sure if that's the baby or not. But, it may be a few more weeks before we're able to feel the baby kick."

"Did you figure out what you're going to say to him?"

"I've decided to just…let it all come out naturally. And not think about what I'm going to say. Just open my mouth and start saying it all."

"Sure you're not going to curse at him, and tell him how stupid he is for overlooking you all these years?"

She laughed at his joke, shoving him playfully in the shoulder.

"No, I won't. Why would I?"

"Cause, I think he's stupid for overlooking you all these years. I have a thing for Chloe, but I'd lying if I didn't say you're one hell of a woman. You're good looking, kind, you actually have a thing for geeks, which is hard to find…"

Again, she laughed at him, sighing and shaking her head.

"There is the right one for you out there Eli. You just haven't found her yet. You never know, we may run into other people while we're exploring the Universe. And you can find a girl that will love you for everything you are Eli. I like you as a friend, and I love your joking and light personality. But, I'm in love with Rush. Even if it's not meant to be, he's my destiny."

"I still don't get why all you women are so in love with him-"

She shoved him playfully, already knowing that Amanda had hinted to Eli that she had a thing for Rush as well. After a moment, she sighs and gets serious, and he could see it in her eyes. She was ready to find Rush, and tell him everything.

"Do you know where he is, Eli?"

"Well, when I left, he was talking to Amanda about going to the still. Didn't know Rush was a drinker."

"Eh, occasional. He rather his coffee, I can vouch for that much."

"Well, good luck. If you need me, I'll be in the Apple Core."

"Thanks Eli, for everything."

She waved goodbye to him, before she left out of her quarters and started to walk the corridors that would lead to Brody's still. She passed a few people along the way, those same people saying hello or commenting that she looked well. A hand idly placed itself on her belly, as she finally made it to the still. Sighs, taking a moment to say softly under her breath.

"Here we go, baby. Wish momma luck."

It was still in the early evening hours, so Brody's still was buzzing with people, but not as much as it would much later in the evening. She would smile or wave to the people she passed sitting at tables or standing within the room. She gazed over the room, not spotting either Rush or Amanda. She made her way to the bar, which didn't have anyone sitting at it at the moment. Brody gave her a smile, which she returned as she stepped closer.

"Have you seen Rush?"

"He was here just about 10 minutes ago. Everything okay?"

"Fine. I just really need to talk to him."

She indicated to her belly, and she saw Brody nod his head in acknowledgment. She told him thank you before she made her way into the corridor she knew both Camille and Rush's quarters were in. She smiled as she saw Riley just checking over a vent that was in the corridor. They both exchanged a smile, her stepping closer and looking at the vent now.

"Everything okay Riley?"

"Oh yeah. Just habit of mine. I like to make sure the vents work. You okay?"

"Yeah, just going to talk to Rush."

"Good luck."

She swallowed the tiny bit of butterflies that suddenly flew into her stomach. Why was everyone wishing her luck, did she really need it? She stood on tiptoes to check through the window to Rush's quarters, frowning when she didn't see him there. She walked a short distance to Camille's quarters; he probably was just discussing something with Amanda in private, or telling her good night. She didn't bother to knock, pressing the button and watching the doors slid open. The next thing she witnessed was probably burned into memory for the rest of her life. She didn't know what to feel or how to feel. She just could feel the hard lump that she suddenly swallowed down, as it felt like her throat closed up on her.

Amanda was in his arms, those same arms wrapped so tightly around her. Their lips were together in a deep kiss; she could hear and see that they were. She heard the breaths of satisfaction from both of them. She could hear the distinct sound of lips touching and separating. And she knew from watching Rush kiss Gloria, that he was always passionate about his kissing. He didn't just kiss for the sake of it; he would put everything he had into it. They were still kissing, and hadn't even heard that she had opened the doors and was standing right there. That kind of stung worse. Suddenly, tears stung at her eyes and she couldn't help the weak, defeated sound that came out her mouth. That's when they both realized she was there, and finally broke apart.

"Oops. Didn't mean to come barging in like this…"

They both didn't say anything, though she saw the kind of confused but aggravated look on Rush's face. Maybe the kiss was a fluke then; a spur of the moment type situation. She knew Rush hadn't completely gotten over Gloria, so that's probably where the confusion came from. But he didn't have to look so aggravated about the fact that she stopped the kiss; that she had interfered. Sighs a bit, trying to not cry in front of them, looking up at the ceiling a moment. Once she had controlled the tears for the time being, she looked at both of them.

"…I need to talk to you Rush. It's something pretty important."

"Can't it wait?"

Maybe he was too damn proud of the fact that he was caught doing something that perhaps he shouldn't have been doing. But she was a bit surprised that he was asking her to wait. When it came to something truly important. Any other time, she would have backed down, gave into him, and said sure. But this time, it really couldn't wait. Not anymore anyways. She shook her head no, stepping further into the room.

"No, it cannot wait!"

"Maybe, I should go."

"Yeah, you should. Go!"

"No, you don't Mandy. Stay right here."

"Mandy huh? Wow. Ain't that something?"

"Don't start Lilith-"

"Why not, _Nicholas_? Now is the perfect time to start! She needs to go! What I have to discuss doesn't pertain to her, at all."

"She's not going anywhere. Whatever you have to say, can be said in front of her."

"Lily, if this is about me kissing him. It just…happened. It was bound to happen-"

"Stop right there. You don't just "kiss" someone! It doesn't just happen! I'm very well aware that you have feelings for him too. But let's be real here. Soon, you're going back to Earth and he's stuck here. You can't just come in here, and expect that things are going to turn in your favor. Plus, with your disabilities-"

"That's enough, Lilith!"

"No, damn it! If she's staying in this room, she's going to hear me out too!"

"Are you implying I can't love anyone because I'm confined to a chair?"

"Not at all. Are you implying I can't do the same because I'm not as up to speed with everything like you are?"

"No. Lily, he already told me what happened with the chair, how he still hasn't gotten over Gloria-"

"Did he tell you he _purposely_ sat in that chair? Huh? How he put me through so much **hell** worrying about him, what was happening with that whole experiment? What the fuck I was going to do to help him rebuild those pieces of his life? Let's get one thing straight while we're on the subject. He may have gone to you for help, when his wife died. He may have preferred you over me to help him get his life in check. But Gloria _**chose me**_. I was the one who always ran to him whenever he needed it. I was the one who was there at her funeral, to hold him when he cried. To stop him from _**committing suicide. **_I've been the one behind him, every step of the way, letting him know that things were going to be okay. That he was going to make it into this program, that he was going to fulfill his destiny. I didn't even care what the hell happened to me along the way. Hell, I'd give my _**soul**_ just so this man can have, even an ounce of pure happiness. Would you? Or would you rather be able to walk again? Don't say a damn word, cause I know it'd be a lie, either way. The difference between you and I, is the fact that your fascination with Rush is because you both have something to be sorry for. You two have shared intelligence and painful experiences. What Rush and I share, is the fact that we've taken it upon ourselves to embrace our personal demons, as opposed to letting them go. It's that same fucked up response to human living that draws us so much closer. The fact that I'd die for this man. The fact that I would love him that much harder. I'm sorry you can't walk, but I've been through some fucked up shit too. I killed my own mother when she gave birth to me, my father left me for dead and never looked back. I was an orphan for so long, and finally thought I'd get the family I always wanted. And those foster parents of mine were fucking brutal. I was hated for no reason; beaten every day, touched by my foster dad, which would piss my foster mom off and I'd get beaten more. The fact that they turned me into a cocaine junkie by the age of 13. Having to leave home and be homeless for a while. Almost having to whore myself out just so I could get to California. Thankfully, I was able to find one decent person to pick me up and bring me to California. And thankfully, my time at the orphanage was able to make me have up to par grades to go to a university. The fact that a boy raped me at that same university. A boy who I thought truly loved me. I've been beaten, raped, gone through two cocaine addictions and detoxes. I go through every day, trying to convince myself that everyone out in the world isn't out to hurt me. I have no one Amanda; at least you have family and friends who love you, despite the chair. Rush and Gloria were like a family to me, and it hurt me just as bad when she died. And it hurt me even more to see that Rush had died along with her. It killed me to see him go through so much pain. I would pray to God, and my mother, that they would help me gain the strength to help him. One thing was for damn sure, I vowed to never break my promise to Gloria. Do I love him? You're damn sure I do, so much it hurts. Does Rush drive me fucking crazy sometimes, with his knowledge, pushing me to get up to that same level as him, and putting himself in danger like he does? You're damn right it does. So much, at times, I want to slap him. But love is a powerful thing, a powerful drug. Hell, it is an addiction, and that's one addiction I'll never be sorry for. He's all I have left, and I'll be damned if _**ANYONE**_ takes him away from me."

By this time, both women were in tears, and Rush hadn't said anything. She didn't mean to be so harsh with Amanda, but she was making sure they both understood how serious she was. She loved Rush, Rush was technically the only person in her life who did give a damn, and he was all she had left to live for. Aside from the baby that was nestled within her womb. She was about to do the right thing, and apologize for being so harsh to Amanda, but Rush's next comment threw her off. Way off.

"…Why have you been hanging around with Eli then?"

"Excuse me?"

"What? You seem to enjoy his company. Even wearing his shirts. I assumed maybe you had gone for him."

Her eyes widened, not only by how casual he was being about the fact that she had just given her heart into everything; finally admitted to loving him. And he was questioning her about Eli? She heard the slightest hint of what may have been jealousy, but she didn't point it out. She chuckled some, shaking her head, now staring at Rush.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you trying to be funny Nick, cause I can't ever tell anymore-"

"No I'm not. I've been watching you for three weeks now, and how you've been stuck to his side-"

"Oh like Amanda has been to yours? You kept brushing me off Nick, what the hell was I supposed to do? Stand there and look stupid-"

"Well, you know he has feelings for you-"

"I'm well aware of that damn it, but my feelings aren't for him."

"What's with the shirt?"

"You want to know what's with the damn shirt Rush? You REALLY want to know…"

She stepped back some, suddenly being in the center of the room. She shook her head, this wasn't how she wanted to announce the pregnancy, not with them arguing. But she grabbed the bottom hem of the shirt and lifted it up. Of course, it was clearly evident that her belly wasn't flat anymore, and had a small swell to it. Holding the shirt up with one hand, she signaled to her belly with the other.

"_**THIS**_ is what's up with the shirt! I'm pregnant, and it's yours."

He looked completely floored, for just a split moment, then he started to chuckle. Almost as if he couldn't believe something that he could see with his own eyes.

"So, what? You lied about the rape ripping your capabilities to get pregnant? You've been lying to me this whole time?"

"NO! Why the hell would I lie about something as _**delicate**_ and _**important**_ to me as being able to get pregnant or not. Think about it Rush? What the hell did we go through, together, about 16 weeks ago?"

He thought about it some, then turned and faced her. His face telling her to go ahead and explain herself.

"I don't know _how_ they did it Nick, I just know they did. Obviously, they must have isolated my eggs and your sperm. And fertilized my eggs before putting them back in my uterus. Obviously, one of the eggs implanted itself…I'm 14 weeks along-"

"Time frame isn't synching. If you're 14 weeks along, and that happened 16 weeks ago, where did the other two weeks go?"

"The other two weeks are my ovulation weeks. You _never _count those into the pregnancy calendar. That's just the way Biology is; it's been that way for years. Weeks one and two constitute as my menstrual weeks Nick; it's why I'm only 14 weeks as opposed to 16 weeks along. First week, which is probably when they captured us, they discovered I had fertile eggs in my ovaries. We were on that ship for a week, if not longer Nick. In the middle of week one, I remember that they had shoved…something inside of me, and extracted something. And they had taken some time to do whatever it is they did with what they extracted out of me. I'm guessing it was one or a few of my fertile eggs, or mature eggs. They had fertilized the egg either in a petri dish with your sperm, or by shooting me up with sperm. By week two, that was probably when one of the eggs successfully implanted."

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would they do this? Why would they continue to get sperm from me Lilith?"

"I don't know Nick! How the hell should I know? They probably were trying to get me pregnant with more than one child, or making sure things took. I don't know! Why are you getting defensive with me?"

"I wasn't prepared for any of this-"

"_**AND I WAS? **_Nick, I was told I could _**never**_ have a baby, and now, I am pregnant. I will not apologize for something I had no control over. It's happened Nick, there is no turning back. I can't make a solar flare come up, or rip the fabric of time and go back. I'm not sure what their sick intentions were for knocking me up, but it happened. And I'm not going to be a coward and ask for pity. This is _**MY**_ child, and I will step up as a mother. What are you going to do, Nicholas?"

She watched him run a hand through his hair, rub his temple in frustration and worry. She watched him pace back and forth for a moment, as he didn't say anything. Finally he turned to her, and she caught the kind of hating glare in his eyes.

"…why did you wait until now to tell me?"

"Because I wasn't sure how you'd handle it. I was afraid if I told you sooner, you may have done something to stop the baby from happening."

"…I probably would have-"

Her gasp cut him off, and her eyes started to drip tears again. Did she just hear, what she thought she heard? If she had told Rush sooner, he would have opted for her to kill their child? She stepped up to him, her lip trembling some.

"You would have rather an abortion? Answer me Nick-"

"We're not well equipped or prepared to raise a baby Lilith, much less on this ship. So yeah, being real about our current situation. I probably would have considered it."

She felt the heavy tears rolling down her face; she felt the pain in her heart as it felt like it stopped beating. She also suddenly felt, for the first time, true anger at him. The fact that he wasn't telling her "I'll step up and be a father" but rather, tell her he would have much preferred the baby never being here. The fact that he may have _considered_ an abortion, just truly pissed her off. And before she even knew what she was doing, she raised her fist up and punched him, hard, in his right cheek.

"How _**DARE**_ you! YOU WOULD HAVE MUCH RATHER WE KILL OUR CHILD, _**MY**_ CHILD?"

He had lost his footing some, when she suddenly punched him like she had. And he took a moment to rub the pain out of his cheek, surprising him that she could actually punch pretty damn good. But then he felt a bit of his own anger well up inside of him, and he suddenly grabbed her. They struggled against one another; he wasn't going to hit her, never. But she didn't quite believe that he wouldn't, and he heard her yelling at him.

"TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME NICHOLAS. DON'T PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON ME!"

She shoved him off of her, and she panted some, able to contain some of her anger. But she pointed a finger at him, and he could tell by the tone of her voice; she wasn't fucking around.

"Let me tell you something right now, Nicholas. I can't even believe that the idea of even hurting our child would come to your mind. Much less, out of your mouth. I know you didn't want kids with me. I know you weren't planning on having one now. But if it's such a damn hindrance to you, then don't even try to help! I can raise this child on my own, and you be damned! Don't worry Nicholas; I'll raise our child. And you don't have to do a damn thing, how's that? And for even suggesting the idea of you hurting our child, I'll never fucking forgive you for that, ever!"

And with that being said, she stormed past Amanda and out into the corridor. Riley was standing there, having heard most of the argument, and she saw him try to offer her help. But still being so upset and pissed at Rush, she snapped at Riley.

"GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY, RILEY!"

Riley stood in the corridor, blinking rather shocked at how furious Lily was. He peeked inside of Camille's quarters, Amanda stunned silent along with him. Rush wasn't saying anything, but he did heavily sit on the bed and rub the stress out of his face. He frowned a bit, standing up suddenly and trying to act as if nothing happened.

"Come on. It's almost time to be wishing you off anyways…"

He told Amanda, walking out of the quarters in a brisk walk, not looking back once. He had sobered up real quick. He had plenty weighing on his mind now, and he realized his right cheek was throbbing. Damn, she had really hit him good. He grunts a bit to himself, kind of pissed off she would reveal the fact that he had try to do himself in once before. Even though he was shit faced plastered that night, he could remember everything that happened.

* * *

_He was alone now, that was the unsettling fact; he was alone. His wife was gone; had been dead under the ground for three months now. His work became an obsession, only to help pass the time. Otherwise, all he could do was let the evil thoughts and dark demons haunt his mind, day in and day out. He should have done more; he could have done more. Instead of working his ass off on trying to figure out how to dial the Ninth Chevron, he could have put his energy into finding out how to save her. _

_He felt all the guilt in his heart at that thought. He just let her die. No, she wasn't the only one who died. He had died along with her that much was for certain. He could see how much he had changed since she's been gone. He's put a thick wall in front of his emotions, and the demons in his mind would somehow manage to flood out. He was angry with everyone, even the people in his life who were trying to help. He wasn't happy, and he knew he would never escape the pain, the sorrow, the anguish that his heart felt. His heart didn't even feel like it was beating anymore. The old Nicholas Rush died; and this new Nicholas Rush, wasn't sure if he could continue on without her._

_ She was his everything; his light, his essence, his conscious, his heart. He wasn't too happy with who he was turning into; he wasn't complete anymore. He was only half a man, and this half honestly can't do it anymore. He dropped his second bottle of scotch, the alcohol heavy on his breath, as he stumbled his way into his bedroom. He picked up a picture of them on their wedding day. Tears fell down his face, lip trembling, as he switched on one of her songs._

_ Pictures and old recordings of her talented art were not enough to fill the hole in his heart. Memories were starting to become haunting nightmares, and he just couldn't do this anymore. He needed her; he knew he couldn't survive without her. Reaching into the bedside dresser, he opened the drawer slowly. The lighting in the room suddenly moved across the steel that lie within the cabinet. His hand reached inside, pulling out the unloaded pistol that had been there, just for an emergency. It would be his ticket to her. Standing up, he grabbed the box of bullets next, and somehow managed to load the chamber with a single bullet. It was all he needed. _

_ Stumbling back into the hallway, he grabbed a bottle of vodka from his alcohol case. Unscrewing the cap, he took a hefty swig from the bottle, grunting at the burning sensation that traveled down his throat now. He was glad he had sent Lily out for food. It would have been a bit harder to do himself in if she was here. Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed his cigarettes out, pulling one free from the pack. Dropping the box he next dug out the lighter. Taking another swig of vodka, he stuck the cancer stick into his mouth and lit up. _

_The alcohol was starting to make the room spin, which caused him to lose his balance. He felt his ass hit the floor, hard, grunting and leaning back against the wall. He held the cigarette between his lips, taking a deep inhale, before releasing the smoke through his nose. He started to feel a sense of calmness he hadn't felt in a while as he switched the safety off. He raised the barrel up against his temple, the finger gripped on the trigger, ready to pull. He closed his eyes, inhaling another breath of smoke, smirking._

"_I'll be with you in a bit, love."_

_ Just as he uttered those words, his front door suddenly opened. He hadn't heard the lock, just the gasp of a familiar voice. Actually, he couldn't hear much of anything. The vast amount of drinking he had done dulled a number of his senses. Including his reflexes. Damn, she had moved so fast, even when wearing heels. Why the hell did she insist on wearing heels? Didn't she know that could actually be __**dangerous**__, considering her future career may consist of being on a space ship? He had been sitting against the wall, gun against his head. One split second later, she had pummeled him like a linebacker, and had knocked the gun out of his hands. Anger suddenly flooded his senses, and he managed to flip their position, now with her back against the ground. He was on top, his hands grabbing the collar of her shirt, as she shook him. His breath seriously reeked of alcohol, but that didn't matter, as he started to yell at her._

"_You fucking stupid girl! Why the hell did you stop me? Don't you understand that I cannot function without her? Why the hell would you want some low life, sorry excuse for a fucking human being around anyways. You stupid girl-"_

_ He waited for her to answer him; perhaps give him the gun back so he could finish what he so rightfully started. All he got was the tearful and absolutely horrified stare from those big, bright, and amazingly hypnotizing Gray eyes. Just him staring in her eyes for the short amount of time he had, he felt the angry storm within himself pass. With his mind sobering up for just a split moment, the reality of what he was about to do set in. And his stomach wasn't quite agreeing with the mixture of alcohol he had been consuming. He turned his whole body, suddenly getting sick, grunting once the nausea had passed. He was still dizzy, and drunk as hell, but he couldn't do anything. He just sat there, tears welling up in his eyes, unable to either deal or get away from this pain._

_ He suddenly felt the kind and gentle touch of her hand, slowly rubbing against his back. His skin briefly became pricked with goosebumps at the touch of her hand. He normally would have snapped, recently, he didn't like anyone touching him. But somehow, her rubbing was helping to relax him even more. He accepted it; just this once. He let his eyes drift shut, his brain signaling that he was, indeed, on the verge of passing out. The intense alcohol binge was starting to try and lull him to sleep, but he wouldn't allow himself to pass out, just yet. He knew her question before she could even utter a word._

"_I can't take the pain, Lillith. Or the guilt. I know she blames me for her death. Rightfully so, I just, let her die. Instead of helping her, trying to find something that would reverse her illness, I just…allowed it to happen."_

_ He saw realization cross her features, and saw that she was openly crying now. It amazed him how, no matter how he treats her, she still openly cared. He knew she had been through a lot throughout her life. Hell, he often wondered why she wasn't the most bitter person on the planet. She should have been acting just like him. Snapping at people, not trusting anyone but herself, never allowing any one else in, just so they can prevent more pain for entering their lives. But not Lilith; she seemed to be the opposite. She always embraced him, and never took anything he said or did wrong, towards her, to heart. She was very forgiving, and he was just amazed by that trait alone. _

_ Even now, she had somehow managed to crawl into his lap, and had wrapped her arms around him. He felt her cradling him against her, in a comforting way only she knew; which was completely taboo to him. But even so, it did manage to help comfort him. He felt her hands grab at his face, forcing him to look at her. Now, he couldn't look away if he waned to. Her eyes had slowly changed from Gray to a very beautiful and sultry Blue color, almost like a completely new hybrid of a Sapphire color. _

"_Nicholas…"_

_ She had started to say, and he had never heard her actually say his name. Hell, he never allowed it before. She had tried to utter his name once, and he had been quick to correct her. Telling her to address him either as Rush or Dr. Rush. It actually sounded so natural coming out of her mouth. And the gentle way she had said it, reminded him of how Gloria would say his name. _

"_I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't even relate or imagine how you feel. Losing someone so close and dear. Losing a spouse, a lover, an equal. But she doesn't want you to end your life. Had she wanted that, she would have told you to go on ahead and off yourself right along beside her. Besides, you out of anyone on this planet, should know that Gloria wasn't that way. She was always such an airy and light person. She expressed happiness and love. She would have never wanted to see anyone die, or hurt. Especially you. Why would she have made me promise her to take care of you, had she wanted you to die Nick. Look, I know you feel lost. It's how I always felt when I was hurt and alone. You don't feel like yourself, you don't know yourself anymore. Hell, you think a part of you has already died with her. And I believe you may not like the person you are now, but it's just something you have to overcome with time. I'm not saying it'll happen tomorrow; it may never happen. But you have to at least try. Try and allow yourself to get over this, and maybe to open up once more. Break that barrier you have constructed over your heart. You never know, maybe someone out there will show you how to love again. To help you overcome those demons you've openly accepted."_

_ His eyes expressed how surprised he was. Damn, how the hell did she know all that? How was it that she knew that was what was haunting him? He swallowed a thick lump in his throat, not saying anything. She somehow understood that he needed to just take the night to get over what had just almost happened. He felt her move under his arm, her arm wrapping around his weight to support him. With her help, he managed to stumble to the couch. His body, stressed and exhausted, instantly fell heavily onto the couch. His eyes closed, but he could feel her still attending to him. She had fluffed up his pillows, taken off his shoes, and had grabbed a blanket and covered him up. He heard her leaving the room, thinking he was asleep. He stopped her though, as he opened his mouth to speak again._

"_I'm sorry too, Lilith. Can you forgive me?"_

_ Had his eyes been open, he would have seen the almost proud smile that appeared on her face. The fact that he was apologizing, which was rare, even for him. And that he had apologized to her. She shook her head, still smiling over in his direction. Although she knew he was on the verge of passing out. She did walk over to the couch again, looking into his face. _

"_Of course, always."_

_ He seemed pleased with that answer, and before they both knew it, he was dead asleep. He did not dream that night, just allowed the calm darkness to overtake his subconscious. After a moment, Lily sat down on the couch, simply watching him sleep. Her hand moved slowly to his face, gently pushing hair that had gotten in his face. She watched his calm and peaceful body at rest, heard the relaxing and rhythmic sound of each breath he took. Knowing that he was dead to the world, she took a chance. She leaned forward, placing a gentle and sweet kiss to his forehead. After another moment, she finally stood up off the couch and stayed the whole night, just for him._

_

* * *

_She ran all the way into her quarters, shutting the doors before collapsing on the floor. She screamed within the sheets, she was crying her eyes and heart out. Her heart ached, ached for him. For him to understand her, for him to love her, to love what was happening now. And yet, she felt anger boiling in her blood. How could he suggest such an _inhuman_ response to the pregnancy. Why wasn't he stepping up and being a man? Why wasn't he coming after her to see if she was alright? Sniffling, she reached under the bed and pulled her sewing kit out. She saw the vial of liquid she had stolen from T.J. out of the infirmary. She looked at it, studying it, as she heard their voices in her head.

_"He doesn't care about you or this baby. Stupid Tau'ri. We promise we'll take very good care of you and the baby. If you decide to follow us, to become us. You need to take the next step. You need to start your first mission."_

She suddenly wasn't listening to what her heart or mind told her. All she knew was Nick hurt her. And she wanted him to hurt a little too. To see that she wasn't joking around. She continued to sit there, getting instructions on what she needed to do. What her first mission consisted of. It was all she could do now.

* * *

Author's Notes: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to touch base with a deep, dark secret of Rush's. The fact that he is human, and he does hurt. And when someone hurts, or loves that hard, it can make a person do just about anything. Whether it will bring regrets or not.

Also songs used in this chapter are:

"To Binge"- Gorillaz

"Comatose"- Skillet (This song will be used again in a future chapter, just fyi)


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9-"MIND"**

**_"I could be mean_**__

_**I could be angry**_

_**You know I could be just like you"**_

She walked almost like a zombie down the corridors of Destiny, most of them being empty for the time being. It was very late in the night; most of the civilians were asleep or enjoying time alone in their quarters. She knew everyone else was too busy taking care of tasks on Destiny to worry about her suddenly walking the halls so late. She walked into the mess, not returning Sgt. Becker's smile. She did make her voice sound as if nothing was wrong, that nothing was out of the ordinary.

"How goes things?"

"Not so good. It's hard to come up with recipes when you have very limited sources."

"I know what you mean. Hey, I saved a bunch of Sage and Rosemary we were able to collect from that one planet. Why don't you let me take care of everyone's morning meals?"

"You…want to take over preparing the goop. Why?"

"Well, it sounds like you could use a break from the woes of everyone's hunger crisis. Plus, you deserve at least one morning off. Seriously, I don't mind. I enjoy cooking, even if it's just adding a few herbs to…goop. Plus, I wanted to do something nice for everyone. And it'd be good for me to know some different ways to prepare this goop."

"Kind of preparing yourself for feeding another mouth?"

"Exactly. Although we won't have to worry about feeding the baby goop at first."

"Need any help setting anything up?"

"No, go on Becker; go enjoy a quiet night and morning."

She started to watch him walk off, and almost let him get out the door. But she called out to him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Actually Becker, there is something you can help me with…"

* * *

She whimpered a bit as Becker had sectioned her hair, and was now holding a section in his hands. He frowned a bit, as his other hand held a pair of scissors, fingers admiring the hair a bit.

"Are you sure about this, Lily? It must have taken years to grow your hair out like this."

"It did. I never cut my hair before, but it's time for a change. It's just layers, right?"

"Your bangs will be a lot shorter than the rest."

"Doesn't matter. It's time for a change. I think a more layered style will look nicer."

"You sure this isn't because you had that fight with Dr. Rush?"

She frowned a bit, surprised he had heard about the fight already. She was shocked to know word got around that quickly. But she supposed, with the lack of entertainment that everyone was probably used to, gossip being passed around was the only entertainment. Sure, they had iPods and the such, but even those got old after a while. She faked a tiny smile, just to put Becker at ease.

"So, you've already heard about that? No, I was thinking of cutting my hair the moment I found out I had gotten pregnant. Plus, that many years without changing my hair. It's time for one."

"I can't promise it won't all grow back. Pregnancy hormones, I know, makes hair grow quicker."

"And thicker. I know. But for now, I trust in you to give me a new look."

"Okay."

And that was the end of that, as she started to hear the first snips of the scissor blades cutting through golden locks of hair. She would watch pieces fall to the ground, almost sad to see her hair being cut. It took a good two hours, but once Becker was finished, she was impressed. She felt like a new woman, and her hair seemed a bit more manageable. And now with bangs that framed her face and eyes, and beautiful layers cut throughout the length of her hair. It was a very attractive look.

"I kept a good bit of the length for you, but you still had a good bit cut off."

"Yeah I know. I really like it."

"It looks nice."

"Thanks Becker."

**_"I could be fake_**

_**I could be stupid**_

_**You know I could be just like you"**_

She watched him walk off for good, making her way over to the station that held the measuring cup they had fashioned, along with all the bowls and cups. She worked like a zombie, no emotion on her face, as she grabbed a few things out of her bag. She carefully set the vial of yellow liquid aside, as she sat at a table. Laying the Sage and Rosemary out, and using the back of a spoon, she worked a good couple of hours grinding the herbs real fine. Gathering the ground up herbs in a cup, she laid all the bowls out in front of her next. Taking the vial, she walked around the bowls, distributing only a couple of drops in each, until the vial was completely empty. Then, she snuck the empty vial back into her pocket.

She had gained enough information from the aliens to know that the substance wouldn't really work to their advantage, until it was heated. To cover up the substance in the bowls, she measured out the powder in each bowl, and took them aside to her station. By the time it was morning, the mess was in full swing. And because so many came in at one time, it was very easy for her to heat up (using Greer's invention) the goop that contained some of the ground up herbs and the substance inside. She watched civilians and military alike eat the goop as if it was going out in style. They commented that the goop just being heated up seemed to be a better pallet option. And the herbs, when cooked, added a bit of flavor. She'd smile, say thank you, and carry on like a zombie to feed the next person.

It wasn't until the people they wanted to target, came into the mess, that she grew slightly nervous. But she gave them all a smile, and setting their pre-made, heated bowls of goop on their tables. In this group, Eli, Chloe, Scott, T.J., Colonel Young, Greer, Camille, Park, Brody, Riley and a few of the late morning civilians were now sitting down to eat. She saw Eli gawking at her, probably because of the new haircut. She ignored the gawking, looking at the single bowl sitting there. She knew there was only one person left, and she knew exactly who it was. She frowned a bit, starting to prepare it, knowing he was going to show up late.

Once Eli was finished, he was starting to bring his empty bowl and spoon back up to her, but they both stopped when Rush walked in finally. The mess, that had been full of morning chatter, suddenly became dead silent. So everyone on board had heard about the fight then. And because they both were in the mess now, together, made everyone uncomfortable. Either that, or others were waiting to see if Round 2 of the fight was about to commence. He had been up all night, she could tell by his face alone. So he walked in without taking any real notice to anyone.

She walked past Eli, Rush's goop all prepared, and she silently walked over to Rush's table. She didn't say a single word; as she set the bowl down in front of him, waiting for him to acknowledge the fact that it was time to eat. She saw Eli's mouth gaping a bit, and his mind trying to analyze just what the hell was happening. He probably assumed that because they had the fight, they would be completely ignoring one another. So her preparing his breakfast in the wake of a huge fight did seem out of place. But she gave him a look that silently told him to please mind his own business.

Finally, Rush looked up enough to see the bowl sitting there, but his face turned up, probably thinking he'd see Becker. She saw him almost do a double take, at the fact that she had been the one to prepare the meals this morning. But she was a little surprised when his eyes were studying her hair, taking in the fact that she had cut it. Cleared her throat as she walked away from his table, and went behind the station. Grabbing a mug, she filled it up with water, before she grabbed her own bowl. The one she had prepared, that had the substance cooked in as well, and had snuck away.

This was her way of proving to the aliens that she was faithful. She had to put herself into the situation; that was the agreement. If she did, then they knew they could trust her to put their real plan into motion, and that the mind control device was active and working. If she didn't, then they knew the device was not working, she had free will, had denied their plan of action, and they would probably kill her. She almost denied the plan and the device, because she didn't want to hurt Rush. But now, she only cared about protecting her child; anyone be damned, including Rush.

Mixing her bowl of goop up more as she walked, she sat down at the table Chloe and Eli were sitting at. They had already ate, but she wasn't going to sit anywhere else. She took a spoonful, her ears confirming that Rush was eating, but she could feel his eyes on her. After a moment, she tensed as she heard Rush get up from his table, to sit at the empty one across from her table. She kept the scowl on her face as she continued to eat, trying to act as if he didn't phase her.

"You cut your hair. Why?"

"Why not?"

**_"You thought you were standing beside me_**

_**You were only in my way**_

_**You're wrong if you think I'll be just like you"**_

She asked back in return, not looking up at him, and taking another bite. She didn't even care if she already knew what this stuff was going to do to herself and to everyone else. She was more nervous about Rush sitting there now, watching her, than she was about what was to come. He was still watching her while he ate, and it was starting to become uncomfortable. She had decided to say something, before he interrupted.

"It looks nice."

"_**You thought you were there to guide me**_

_**You were only in my why**_

_**You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you"**_

Was he trying to be nice? Trying to butter her up? Why? He had made it perfectly clear that he honestly didn't get all the signs and signals that she had loved him, did love him. Didn't give a damn about that, or the fact that she had been carrying his child. Even threatened her child, in her eyes, at least. He didn't care, why should he now? He wanted her to forgive him, so he could carry on with his life without the guilt. No, she wanted him to learn what he had lost. She wanted him to feel exactly how she felt, when he tore her heart out. She shrugged, no emotion on her face or in her voice.

"Don't care if it didn't."

**_"I could be cold_**

_**I could be ruthless**_

_**You know I could be just like you"**_

She simply said, eating her last bite and getting up from the table. Since he had long finished his bowl, she quickly snatched the empty bowl out of his hands, and walked to the station. It was a silent cue to let him know to get the fuck out of the room, now. Grunting, he got up abruptly and marched out of the mess, which was a cue to everyone else who was in the mess to get the hell out now. The rest of them quickly scrambled to get up from their tables, gather the empty bowls, give them to her, and then leave quickly. As she was left all alone in the mess, she signed a shaky breath, and felt a tear roll down her face. What was to come may teach Rush a lesson, or it may hurt him so badly, that she'd never get him back. But she had already made up her mind and the aliens' plan was already in motion. And this may very well teach Rush a very important lesson.

**_"I can be mean_**

_**I can be angry**_

_**You know I could be just like you."**_

_**

* * *

**_Chaos. That was the only word she could use to describe what was happening on the Destiny now. Everyone was experiencing the hallucinations now, and they couldn't tell whether they were just hallucinations, or their greatest fears and fantasies coming true. There was a mixture of crying, screaming, moaning, and panting littering the corridors. Civilians and military alike were either chasing others at gunpoint or running away. Others were caught kissing people whom they either dreamt about being with or figured they never would be with. Others dreamt they were seeing dead ones or the family they desperately were missing back on Earth at that moment. Blinking, she remembered she had thought she had seen her daughter again, running up and down the corridors. And she swore she saw for the first time, how her mom's death happened. How being born caused her mother to lose her life.

Turning her head a moment and kneeling down, she felt bile rising up her throat. Taking a shaky breath, she managed to control not getting sick. When she stood up, she felt someone grabbing her arm and yanking her forward. Grunting, she gasped as she saw the angry face of Colonel Young. In the back of her mind, where she managed to hold onto a shred of reality, she knew this had to be a nightmare of hers. The one she was truly dreading since she agreed to put this plan into motion. Sure, she thought the Colonel wasn't doing such a good job running this crew. And she was still rather sour about Young leaving her and Rush on that planet. And how Young really didn't get along with Rush, and caused more problems than resolving them. But deep down in her heart, he was a friend. And she feared once he found out what she's done, he'd get so mad that he would exile her. This was that nightmare coming true.

**"So, you poisoned everyone, so that you could stir up panic and chaos on the ship. On my ship-"**

"**This ship isn't yours as much as it is anybody's. But yes, I did. I admit it. I did poison everyone, so that they would hallucinate their darkest fears and fantasies. I did it, because I allowed myself to get angry at Rush. And that caused my mind to be weak enough for them to take control. They controlled me. I wanted to fight back, I just couldn't. They implanted a device in the back of my skull, nestled at the base of the back of my brain, just above my spine. It can't be removed. There's nothing I can do to stop this."**

"**It doesn't matter. You betrayed everyone and you are now dubbed as a danger and threat to the people aboard this ship. And as commanding Colonel, I have decided that you will be exiled. Banished, from continuing on this ship. You will be dropped off at the next habitual planet of my choosing, where you will be left to your own defenses."**

"**You can't do that without touching bases with General O'Neil and Stargate Command first! I know my rights!"**

"**Your rights have been stripped from you. Move it, you'll be put in confinement until we reach the planet."**

"**Let go of me, I want to see Rush first! What about my unborn child? You'll be murdering her too."**

"**How do you even know it's a girl?"**

His question somehow managed to break this particular nightmare of hers. It allowed clarity to come forth, and the hallucination subsided. Young gazed into her face, his own face showing confusion and doubt. He let her go and he simply walked off in the other direction. Panting some she started to walk off down the other direction, grunting as Scott slammed into her. She heard him call out "Matthew!" before he ran off again. She continued walking, seeing Eli walking around with a bunch of women hanging on his arms. Camille, Chloe, probably even herself, and that made her chuckle to herself. So one of Eli's fantasies was to have the attention and admiration of most of the females on board? It also made her realize that maybe Eli was even attracted to her.

As she continued to walk the dark corridors of the Destiny, she managed to find one that was completely empty and quiet.

**As she continued to walk, the corridor started to shift into a carpeted hallway, with light pouring through. Up ahead, she could see large sliding doors, the curtains being drawn back to allow the setting sunlight to pour in. As she walked closer to the doors, she noticed that one door was open that allowed a nice, cool breeze to come in. The breeze hit her face, blowing back her long hair and the white silk fabric of her dress. She inhaled briefly and could smell the ocean. She finally reached the doors and stepped outside, onto the balcony that overlooked the beach. She could hear the seagulls in the distance, the crashing waves against the beach. She closed her eyes, allowing the sun's warmth and glow to caress her face, the breeze to comfort her. This was Heaven.**

** Arms suddenly came up behind her and wrapped around her waist. Strong arms, arms she were so familiar with, and yet, so taboo. A knowing smile graced her face as she felt his breath against her ear. They nuzzled some, as they both just stood there, holding one another. Taking in the beauty of the beach and the sunset that was there before them. **

"**It's beautiful, but not as beautiful as you."**

** She turned and faced him, the setting sun allowing the amber in his eyes to shine. A hand rose to his face and rubbed along his cheek. She felt the prickling hairs of his beard against her skin, simply admiring him. They gazed into one another's eyes, and she took a moment to bite her bottom lip. This time, he clearly got the message. This time, there was no hesitation; only want. **

** His arms secured her body, by pulling her closer. With one hand cradling his cheek and the other now running through his hair, they closed the distance. Her lips touched his first, in a sweet and gentle kiss. He was the one who deepened the kiss, when his tongue pushed opened her mouth. They continued to kiss, passionately and deeply. It felt as if this was supposed to happen, they were made for one another. She got chills and heat flashes at the same time; felt sparks radiating all throughout her body. They were one. **

** He pulled away, after what seemed like an eternity and timeless at the same time, and gave her a smile. His hand came up and pushed the stray hairs out of her face, before it lingered against her cheek. **

"**I love you."**

"**I love you too Nick."**

Suddenly, Rush was gone, and so was the beautiful beach and sunset. So, that had been a fantasy of hers. A tear fell down her cheek, wondering if she would actually get a taste of that fantasy. Would she ever see a beach again, or a sunset? Would she ever get to kiss Nicholas, and maybe get the chance to be loved and wanted by him? Just when she was about to scold herself, she heard him suddenly, screaming. Panic rose in her heart and she quickly rushed down the corridors, hanging onto his voice.

"Nick!"

**His hands beat against the glass, against this boxed in prison he was in. He was all too familiar with this and he felt himself starting to panic. As his breathing got quicker, he could see it fog up the glass. He tried to find an opening, maybe a crack, anything that may allow him to escape. The box wasn't even that big, just large enough to hold one person. His heart rate quickened as he suddenly heard the sound of water being drained into the holding tank. He could feel the cold water at his feet, and he felt panic and fear rising in him. He continued to beat on the glass, in a means to find an way out. The bitter cold water continued to rise, it seemed even quicker, as there was no way out. By the time it had reached his chest, it was getting harder to move, and he started to bang on the glass and scream out.**

**"Help!"**

**He gasped, stepping back against the far side of the tank, as he saw one run up to the holding tank. It stopped and was just looking at him. He didn't even care if the water was almost up to his chin now, he was just so afraid of what this alien might do to him. When he looked closer though, that's when his heart stopped. It was wearing Lillith's pendant. His heart stopped when he caught a glimpse of its forearm; that had only one small patch of pale, human skin left on it. Swallowing bile down, he knew in his heart this alien _was_ Lillith.**

**He suddenly had to take a quick breath, as the water finally submerged him completely. His hands moved forward, placing themselves on the glass as he slowly moved forward. Although he was trying not to show it, his eyes showed just how terrified he was. The fact that he was completely underwater, seeing an alien, seeing her as an alien. They also showed that he wasn't completely trusting her. She almost wanted to cry, seeing the pleading look in his eyes. Asking her for help, but at the same time, not completely trusting her motives. Unsure if she was a friend or foe now. She wasn't even truly believing the fact that she was able to tap in and see his nightmare; to see what he was seeing. She rushed forward just as the nightmare was fading away.**

The tank gone, her arms wrapped themselves around Nick's waist, and they both fell back. They grunted, as his back hit the floor and she slammed her body against his. She was grateful his body caught her fall, not wanting to fall onto her pregnant stomach. In the same sense, she realized she had just crashed into Nick. She heard him panting and saw him looking around, confused. She was confused at this point too. How was she able to tap in like that? Was it because they shared the same fear? He was afraid she'd become one of them, and turn on him. And she was definitely afraid of becoming completely one of them and hurting everyone.

She frowned, suddenly realizing that's what was happening. She wasn't a full alien, but she continued to turn into one of them. And she was hurting everyone right now; she had allowed them to take control.

"Lillith?"

She gasps as she hears him call out her name, pushing against him so she could get to her feet. Sobbing, she hurried down the corridor, as fast as her legs could carry her. At first, she thought maybe no one was following her, but she heard footsteps and she tried to run faster. Her eyes widen at what she sees ahead.

**There were a ton of them, all waiting for her. They grabbed her the moment she was near them, and she tried to fight against them.**

**"Let me go!"**

**She even heard herself chittering like them, using their alien tongue. She could understand their chittering back; angry chatter. They were upset with her; she had not kept up with her agreement to the plan, and now, they were going to take the gift they had bestowed upon her. They dragged her to the examination table, throwing her on top. They strapped her down quickly, and she noticed they weren't going to even sedate her. No, they wanted her to feel the pain, internal and external.**

**She shivered as she saw them all surround her, the leader taking out the proper tools that would be needed. It all happened so quickly, and yet, it seemed like a lifetime to her. It hurt so badly, so badly her bottom lip was bleeding profusely. Her knuckles cracked from gripping the bottom of the seat. She felt as if she was dying; maybe she was. It seemed like a blur, and it definitely was a nightmare as she finally saw them extract and birth her child. She knew it had to be a nightmare; this was a hallucination. Her baby wasn't full grown quite yet. But there she was, fully term, and as beautiful as ever.**

**Tears fell down her eyes as they took her away. She reached her hands out, shivering and whimpering out.**

**"Please, give me my baby girl!"**

**She begged of them, watching the leader grab another scalpel. What happened next, she did feel her heart stop, and her entire world crumbled down. The leader cut her daughter's throat, her baby's throat, and simply let her bleed to death.**

**"NO! NO! YOU FUCKING MONSTERS!"**

**She cried, unable to stop sobbing. Her baby was her everything; her reason for living, aside from Nicholas. And when she managed to look up again, her eyes widened and she died inside. The leader was Nicholas, and he looked happy to have gotten rid of their daughter.**

**"Nicholas, how could you?"**

Looking around frantically, she noticed she was back on Destiny. This was getting to be too intense now. She hadn't realize how Nick's reaction to her pregnancy had affected her _that_ much. She knew Nick would **never** be able to do that, not kill an innocent child, not like that. And yet, she had already accepted her motherly roles, she wasn't sure who would protect or hurt her child. Bile did come up, and she sank to her knees and got sick. She noticed she threw up about half of her breakfast, shivering a bit. Maybe her hallucinations wouldn't be as bad now. Realizing she wasn't hallucinating for the time being, her hands quickly went to investigate her stomach.

When she felt the pregnant swell of it, she sobbed out in happiness and relief. She leaned herself against the wall, still stroking her belly. Tears rolling down her eyes, she spoke softly down to her stomach.

"I won't let anyone hurt you. But I've hurt your father, really badly. I hope he won't take it out on you. I…didn't mean to make it seem like I don't want him in your life. I want him to be. …I just hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me. Or I can find a way to end this all."

* * *

**He rubbed the stress from his face, panting to himself. He finally managed to escape those aliens. And now there was work to be done. He sat at a console, as the screen brought up information on a planet that Destiny was within reach of. He looked up as Colonel Young came into the control room, asking what it was they had.**

**"We've reached another planet. Atmosphere is good, temperature is damned near perfect…"**

**He turned around to look at the countdown, smirking some to himself.**

**"48 hours on the countdown. Plenty of water and looks like greenery. So there is the possibility of food and plants for medicinal purposes."**

**"So we need to gather an away team. I'll get to it."**

**So he stood as he watched everyone suit up. This was a pretty big away team, but the Kino footage showed he was correct. Plenty of water, food, plants; it was perfect. Some wanted to go just to get off of Destiny for several hours. Others were going to help gather food and water to bring back on board. He decided to stay behind; to control the ship and make sure things remained all right. He watched everyone suit up, from Chloe to the Colonel, to Brody to Eli. Even Lily was right behind them, suiting up to go on the planet.**

**He sighed a bit to himself, unsure if she should really go or not. She was after all, pregnant with his child. But he honestly couldn't tell her to not do something if she wanted to. The fresh air and sunlight probably would be a good thing for her. He nodded to everyone, once he saw they were all ready to go, and watched them off. It wasn't for another 36 hours until he got word that the away team was on their way back. But something was different this time; something had been off in the Colonel's voice.**

**When the away team came back on board, everyone looked like pure hell. Pale, leaky eyes and noses. Some were coughing as if they were trying to hack up their own lungs. Others were feverish and were having a hard time keeping conscious. Even Lillith was pale, hairline beaded with sweat, and it looked like Death was breathing down her neck. In fact, everyone looked like as if Death was knocking on their doors. He ordered everyone into the infirmary, no complaints out of anyone, and gathered whomever he could to help him access the situation.**

**He grunted to himself; this wasn't good at all. They all had come into contact with some kind of air borne disease, while visiting the planet. Now he had to not only quarantine the remaining civilians, military, and scientists on board away from the ones infected, he had quarantined himself. He often asked himself why, why was he doing this? One by one, he simply watched as the infected people on Destiny started to slowly lose the battle to the disease, and die.**

**Chloe and Eli had been one of the first to go. They had managed to say their goodbyes to everyone, and one another, before they lost their lives. Lisa and Brody hadn't been too far behind, along with TJ. That had been painful to watch, a pregnant woman dying, along with the unborn child. It had been too hard on Young, and he allowed his body to let the disease take him soon afterwards. James, Scott and Greer held on for as long as they could, before they too, submitted to the disease. The infirmary was slowly turning into a morgue.**

**When it was finally just Lillith left, trying to hold onto her own life, he just couldn't take it anymore. He suddenly didn't care whether or not he might catch the same disease and lose his own life. He hurried out of the control room, hurrying into the infirmary. He tried not to get sick, as the smell and sight of the ones who had lost their lives, was heavy in the room. He grabbed her frail body as he hurried out of the infirmary, making it into his quarters. He placed her on the bed, shaking his head as he realized their child had long since died within her womb. He felt a tug and a sting at his heart, and swallowed bile that wanted to rise.**

**He took a seat beside her, his hand carefully grabbing hers. He felt her close her hand around his, but she was so weak, she could barely hold on. She opened her eyes, but they were so clouded over and they had lightened a great deal; they almost looked white. It was a clear indication to him that she didn't have much time.**

**"I'm dying Nick."**

**She told him, her voice so soft and cracking. She sounded sad, but at the same time, she knew she was dying. Her voice sounded like a dying woman who had accepted her fate. He didn't know what to say, not able to voice a single word. Although, within his mind, he could hear his conscious speaking. He had failed another woman he truly cared about, in her time of need. He was allowing another important woman in his life die. Another woman that he loved. Wait, that was it, he loved her, didn't he? That's why his heart felt so heavy. That's why it felt like he couldn't catch his breath, felt his throat tightening, felt the bile rising in his throat. He loved her like he had his wife. Like he still does love his wife. He always would, but this woman. He had ignored the love that was there. And now, he was letting all that go; letting her go. He had failed her.**

**Guilt washed over him like a tidal wave, and as he looked down to tell Lillith that he loved her, his eyes widened. He felt the tears stinging his eyes, feeling them roll down his cheek. He felt himself shaking, his hand still latched onto her lifeless one. Her eyes were closed and he realized her chest was not rising and falling. She was completely still and starting to feel cold to the touch. He had let her die. So many emotions boiled within him: sadness, guilt, rage, disgust, and fear, every one of them. After a moment, he finally heard himself sob out, still gazing into her beautiful face. Even when dead, she did look beautiful.**

**He didn't even care what he was doing, lifting her hand and kissing the top of it. He shook, too afraid to let go of her hand; to afraid to leave her now. He shook his head, at himself, at how ashamed he was. At how stupid, how greedy, and how guilty he truly was. Still holding onto her hand, even though she would never hear his voice again, he spoke to her.**

**"I let you down, just like I let Gloria down. Do you see why I don't deserve you? All I'll do is end up hurting you or killing you. I'm a bastard, who doesn't deserve any shred of happiness that you've given me. God, I loved you. I love you. I was too damn proud to say it. Too stupid to realize it too late."**

**He didn't even know if he could truly feel like a human being anymore. Because on the inside, he felt more of himself dying. Just like he felt like a part of him died with Gloria. Swallowing, he still held onto her cold hand, rubbing the outside of it. More tears rolled down his face as he gazed into hers.**

**"I should have noticed you more. Should have listened to you. You were trying to get me to see it all along. Fuck Lillith, you were my rock. And now, I don't even know how to be without you. I don't even deserve to ask for your forgiveness, but please forgive me Lillith. I'm sorry I let you die. I'm sorry I didn't love you, and cared for you more. Please…"**

**"How could I ever forgive you Nicholas?"**

**He heard her voice, although it was low and filled with callous. He gasped as he looked up and saw her standing there. No, that couldn't be her, she was still lying in bed, dead. But there she was, standing there, although she still looked rather dead. Panting, he watched as she raised her hand, and pointed an accusing finger in his direction. Her voice was still filled with rage, hate, disgust, and venom.**

**"I will never, ever, forgive you for killing me and my child…"**

**"It-it wasn't me-"**

**"Yes it was Nicholas, and you know it!"**

**"No…no I didn't mean…I didn't mean to let you…"**

**He felt himself crumble to his knees, shaking, head buried in his hands. She was right; he deserved this. He allowed them both to die, his true loves. And also, he allowed his unborn child to die too. He truly deserved everything that was coming to him, and he was going to accept the fact that he was a cold-hearted bastard. He sobbed, he sobbed for the first time in a long time. He truly was afraid, scared, upset, and begging for forgiveness. Begging this was all a bad nightmare, begging that he could get the loving relief he often felt from Lillith. Anything, anything that may take this bad nightmare away.**

**"I'm sorry Lillith, I love you, please forgive me!"**

**She had been walking along the corridors again, something deep down told her that he was hurting somewhere. Soon, she found him in his quarters, down on his knees. He was shaking so badly, and she heard him sobbing within his hands. Frowning, she felt her own heart breaking, yearning to grab him in her arms. To comfort him and tell him it would be okay; that she would keep all the bad demons within his mind at bay. She saw herself in the distance, glaring at him full of hate and blame. Then she said her dead body lying on the bed, swallowing. So, this was his deepest fear; and it all clicked within her mind. She didn't have to tap too far within, to know that he had finally realized he did care for her. And he was worried of losing another person he so deeply cared for, and having that person blame him for the rest of his days. To think, that they would, and cause himself internal anguish and despair. This had to end, and now.**

**She stepped up to her evil, dead spirit, and glared at her. Before she completely walked through her, completely dissipating her. Her lifeless body on the bed slowly disappeared as well, until it was just her and Nicholas in the room. He was still on his knees, having allowed his pent up emotions overcome him. He had been bottling away too much for too long, and he didn't know how to resurface. He was drowning within himself; all his fears, emotions, personal demons. She knew she could be the only one to rescue him now. Smiling, she spoke to him calmly and softly.**

**"Nicholas."**

**He stopped shaking, frozen in his spot for a moment, before his head snapped up. They locked eyes, and she could see the confusion and shock in his bold, admiring Brown eyes. She gracefully walked over to him, and slowly got down onto her knees as well. He flinched back a bit when she raised her hand, but sighed in relief when she rubbed his cheek gently. He was still heavily effected by his hallucination, as he apologized to her again.**

**"Please forgive me, I didn't mean to let you die."**

**She made a soft sound in her voice, almost like a laugh, as her thumb continued to rub against his cheek, shaking her head.**

**"I'm not dead Nick. What had taken place just earlier, was all a hallucination. This, is still a hallucination. But lucid, since I'm very much aware of what is going on. I am not hallucinating. I am actually on the floor with you, speaking to you, trying to rouse you."**

**"This doesn't make sense. What's going on Lily?"**

**"I promise I will explain everything to you Nick, and I do mean _every_ thing. If there is time, or if Young doesn't kill me first-"**

**"What?"**

**"Just, promise me Nick. Promise me one thing. That you'll forgive me. That you will forgive me for everything I have done to not just everyone else, but especially to you. I never meant to hurt you, not then and not now. I can't promise that something else won't take place in the future. I can't really control my actions once they take control. But just promise me that you'll forgive me. Because I could never stay mad at you, even if you did kill me. I love you."**

**He was just about to wrap his arms around her, when a loud voice suddenly came into the room.**

He blinked a few times as he was thrown back into reality, and for good this time. He saw her face, saw her sweet smile, before he saw it being jerked up and away. He got onto his feet quickly, as Young secured her arms behind her back. He noticed she wasn't trying to fight Young off, so he tried to step up.

"What is the meaning by this Colonel?"

"This woman is a threat to everyone on board, and we must deal with her accordingly."

"What do you mean, a threat? And you won't be doing anything to her Colonel, not while I'm here."

"Rush, she poisoned everyone. She's the one who drugged us to hallucinate."

He couldn't believe what Young was saying, it had to be a lie. But when he looked into her face, he saw her eyes watering, and the guilt. He stepped forward some, looking into her eyes. They also looked guilty, but he saw the pleading in them; how sorry she was for what she did.

"Is this true?"

She frowned, sniffling, and looking deep into his eyes. Before she looked down at her face, unable to face any of them anymore.

"It's true. I did drug everyone on board."

"Lily, why?"

"I don't care why. The fact that you managed to put everyone on board in jeopardy, is enough reason for you to be put in confinement. As of now, you are no longer allowed to be in direct contact with anyone. A military personnel will escort you for bathroom privileges, only when allowed. Food and water will also be brought to you by military personnel, only during mess hours. You will not be allowed anything but the "goop" we serve on board. You will not be allowed any special privileges to go off world or to do any activities on board Destiny. As of now, you are considered dangerous, and deemed a criminal. I will report back to Stargate Command, where they will further instruct me on how to handle the matter. Because you are not safe, once it is time to deliver, we will allow someone more equipped on board to help with the delivery. Then the baby will be handed into the care of the father, which is Dr. Rush-"

"I'm not allowed to see my child? NO! That is my child, Everett-"

"And no one is allowed to let you out, for any reasons. Unless instructed otherwise by military personnel. If anyone breaks this rule, they will also be dealt with accordingly, if not worse."

"This is going a little too far Colonel, I'm sure she has a damn good reason-"

"There is no good reason Rush. She had people going into hysterics. Many got hurt, because they got into fights or actually obtained weapons. There was a good number of damage done to the ship, not to mention a lot of emotional stress. I have to restore order, and eliminate the problem. She is now the problem."

"She's a human being, damn it!"

"Is she Rush? Can she truly be trusted?"

"This wouldn't have happened if you didn't strand me on the planet."

"Well, you told me loud and clear you weren't coming."

"I wasn't going to abandon Rush, hell no!"

"Then this is your fault as much as it's mine.

She heard the blow of a fist hitting Young in the face. She gasped as Young suddenly tackled Rush to the ground, the two of them scrambling to get on top of one another.

"STOP IT!"

She cries out, grunting as Scott grabbed her, to make sure she didn't try to run away. Right when Greer was about to tear into Rush, Young told him to stand down. Both Rush and Young glared at one another, seeing the slight bruise forming on Young's cheek. No one said a word, almost challenging someone to say anything.

"Rush, you get the hell out. Lily, in here, is where you'll stay."

She got guided into a spare quarter, although this one was a lot smaller. It had a cot, rather than a bed, with no desk or anything. It was just the cot and that's it. Not even a window to gaze out into space. She didn't say anything, just looked in Nick's direction, eyes watering as more tears fell. She watched the door close, going to sit on the cot. She finally broke down, sobbing into her hands, upset with herself.

* * *

It had seemed like an eternity before she managed to calm herself down. She was still sitting on the cot, trying to figure out what she was going to do. She couldn't stay under their control anymore, if she wanted to risk hurting everyone. But she didn't want to find out what would happen if she went against the aliens. What they might do to Nick and her unborn child. It's why she was going along with everything. She was too afraid of what might happen if she resisted. That and the fact that there was no way they would be able to remove that mind control device implanted in the base of her brain.

Her head snapped up, surprised, as she heard the doors opening. She was shocked as she saw him standing there, standing up slowly. She made her way over to him, shaking her head.

"What are you doing here? Colonel Young said no one could come visit me, much less let me out."

"Since when do I follow orders, Lily?"

"Never."

"We need to talk, anyways."

It was surprising that no one had been at her post yet, or that there was no one up. It was eerie, as it seemed like they were the only two individuals up. They sat in the Observation Deck, simply gazing out into space. They stayed like that for a long time, not saying a word. He was the first one to start, and she allowed him to do so.

"What's really going on Lily?"

"It's better I show you first, before I explain…"

He was confused, as she turned around, so her back faced him. Her hands went behind her head, gathering up her hair almost completely out of the way. With one hand securing her hair away, her other went behind and moved a bit more, finally showing him the incision scar that ran all down along the back of her skull, and ended just above where her spine started. His eyes stared, amazed and also, in shock.

"What the hell did they do to you Lily?"

"They just don't have mind probing devices Nick. They have mind controlling ones too. It almost works like a communication stone. It allows the alien on the other end to tap into my mind. I'm conscious. I can see everything I am doing, but I cannot control my body to stop. They control my mind to do things, and it doesn't allow me to fight back."

"So it was their initial plan to try and cause enough confusion and doubt, so we'd lose control on one another. Possibly take one another out."

"Exactly. They must have been able to take complete control after we had our fight. When I was most vulnerable. Nick, I'm not allowing them to do this because I want it. I'm too afraid of what they might do to me, to the baby, to you…"

"What would their next course of action be?"

"For me to allow them to dial our stargate, so the can board Destiny and take over."

"An invasion? You haven't provided them with any information, have you?"

"No! But, what if we need them to invade Destiny?"

"What?"

"How else am I going to deactivate this device Nick? We can't very well cut it out of me. I would never survive the operation."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I find a way onboard and make sure they can't corrupt my mind ever again. And make damned sure they can't threaten my family anymore."

"I don't know Lily-"

"I don't either Nick, and I don't care. The thought of losing you kills me inside. I don't want to be the one responsible for doing anything bad to you. And I don't want aliens hunting down my baby once it's born."

"I don't either Lillith, but an invasion? Having them abduct you again, is out of the question. There has got to be another course of action we can take, okay? If we have to, I'll use the stones to report back to Stargate Command. They have to know what's going on Lillith, and I have to get your name cleared too. I don't want anyone treating you like some kind of criminal, when you're not."

"You sure about that Nick?"

"I know it. You're not a criminal, you're simply you. And I admire that about you."

Her eyes widened, and she chuckles some, shaking her head.

"Wow. Nicholas Rush admires something, I'm shocked."

"Watch it, you."

She chuckles, and was glad to hear him chuckle too, shaking her head.

"Does this mean we're good?"

"Aye, it does."

"Good. I'm glad. Do you still think me being pregnant is a mistake?"

He didn't say anything at first, and she briefly assumed that maybe he still did. But then she felt his hand place itself softly upon the swell of her belly, and rub softly. He continued to rub her stomach, and she felt butterflies from within. It felt so nice to have him rub, to finally acknowledge the baby that lie within. She saw him shake his head, sighing up to her.

"I had rather not raise a child aboard a ship. And I wasn't planning on having one now. I had always wanted kids with Gloria. But, since I can't, I rather have them with you than anyone else."

She smiled, feeling a few tears rolling down her cheeks. That's all she had really wanted to hear. She had been so worried that she would be all alone, raising this child. Now that she had Nick's support, she wasn't so afraid of what might come.

"Come here, you."

She ordered him, surprised he obliged, as she scooted over. He scooted closer, watching as his head laid in her lap. He still looked up at her as her hands and fingers worked as if this was an everyday habit of hers. Her hands smoothed through his hair, fingers trailing along against his forehead and scalp. She felt his body relax, watching his eyes close a moment and just enjoy the feeling of her hands and fingers running through his hair, along his head. It was relaxing to him, and she knew it. After a moment, he opened his eyes, nodding.

"You remember the last time we did this?"

"Yeah. You had gotten too drunk, and passed out on my couch."

She saw him get slightly embarrassed, and she laughed at that. Shaking her head, she continued to scratch his head, looking down into his face. She smiled down at him, sighing.

"Considering the fact that you were still trying to get over Gloria, I understood completely why you were trying to get drunk. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to hurt yourself in the process."

"I came by your little apartment. I think you had just managed to fix it up."

"Finally, yeah. It had taken me long enough."

"You barely had any liquor, or any good stuff."

"I was trying to get clean. You had wiped me clean of everything, remember?"

"Aye. I don't even remember drinking that much."

"Because you had a good bit before you came walking over to my apartment. I was so glad you hadn't tried to drive."

"I was just so upset that she was gone. Food didn't taste the same. Couldn't even cook all that well. Sleeping alone was just odd. Not being able to wake up next to her. Hear her voice, hear her performance pieces…"

"She really was a good woman. I really liked her. She almost seemed like a mom to me…"

"I was just, so damned sorry for not being there when she needed me. I was just trying to numb everything…"

"I tried to tell you drinking yourself to death wouldn't solve it. That you needed to learn to deal with your demons, or allow someone to help."

"I don't remember what happened after that."

"You had a few more glasses of Scotch before you tried to pass out in my kitchen. I fed you, so some of the food could absorb the alcohol. I was afraid you were poisoning yourself."

"Aye."

"Then you just allowed me to talk. You were pretty much zoning out by the time you collapsed in my lap. The only time you spoke up, was when you were telling me how much you missed her. Which is why I started to scratch your head, to calm your nerves."

"It does feel really good."

"I know. Then you fell asleep, and I just continued to hold you and scratch you all night. It was probably the first real sleep you had gotten since she passed away."

"You even let me stay when I was experiencing the hangover."

"Well yeah. I know how it feels to come down off of the influence. I couldn't just throw you out and expect you to take care of yourself."

"You really are a good woman, you know that right Lil?"

She smiled, chuckling and nodding her head.

"Yeah, I know Nick."

"I'm going to get your name cleared. Make them all realize you're not a criminal. I won't have anyone hurting you. And we'll come up with a solution to the alien mind control ordeal. Make sure they won't be able to interfere with our lives again. I promise."

* * *

He had escorted her back to the quarters, where she was to be condemned and confined in. She didn't want him to leave, but she didn't want to get him in trouble. She turned back around to face him, as he lingered in her doorway.

"Well, it was nice to get out."

"We'll have to do it again tomorrow night."

"Nicholas."

She smiled as he chuckled, watching as he still lingered in the doorway. Usually, she was afraid and unsure when she felt the impulse to kiss him. She was always unsure and afraid how he would react, if she just suddenly kissed him. Never knowing what his true feelings were for her. But as they stood there, after everything that had taken place in the past week, she had a feeling she was pretty sure how he felt now. Sure, he wasn't ready to openly admit to everyone, or to herself, that he loved her. But she could feel deep down inside, he had realized how much he did care for her. How much he missed and longed for someone to love him, to be loved. To feel love once again.

She didn't say anything, as she stepped up closer to him. His arms were folded across his chest again, making her chuckle a bit. They were always folded across his chest. She smirked as her arms wrapped around his waist, making him break the contact of his arms across his chest. His arms went out, which allowed her to move even closer to him. She surprised him as she leaned forward, her soft lips placing themselves against his. She got goose bumps all over, as she left a soft, gentle, and sweet kiss.

He didn't need to kiss back; it was just something for him to reflect on. Something to remind him just how good it felt to be kissed. To long and want a kiss. To crave that kiss, to crave the person who left the kiss. She wanted him, so it was only fair that she get him to want her too. She had felt him want to try to kiss back, to make the kiss deeper, but she pulled back. She smirked again when she saw the shock and the question in his eyes. They asked her why she had stopped. She bit her bottom lip, further teasing him. She kept her cool as she started to walk backwards, back into these quarters. He stood there, and she could see the want in his eyes, as the doors closed behind her.

"Goodnight Nicholas."

* * *

Author's Notes: I wanted to finally show some raw emotion from Rush. The fact that he is human, and he has made some mistakes. But that he's one of those people who would bottle up everything, and allow all his emotions and personal demons to eat him up inside. And Lily being the kind person she is, and someone who wears her emotions on her sleeves, she just kind of senses when someone is troubled, whether they show it on the outside or not. And rather than feel sorry for him, she's been trying to help him this whole time. And then he finally realizes just how much of a rock Lily has been for him, than he may have realized before. He thought he was her rock, and this whole time, she's been the only person to have kept him stable, kept him sane, through the loss of his wife. And she's going to be the one to help him fire up and rekindle that passionate spark of his. Soon, he will find the passion and love he's been keeping bottled up for so long.

Sorry if anyone is disappointed in me not exploring more of the other character's hallucinations. If I dabbled into everyone, this chapter would never get done. I just wanted to show some of Rush and Lily's fears and desires. Also, sorry for some of the graphic content.

Also, her kiss at the end was not meant to tease him at all. It was just to spark enough want and desire in him, for him to reflect if he truly does want her more. If he is wanting her and needing her. Plus, I think it's a sweet first kiss.

Song used: "Just Like You" by Three Days Grace

Also note: About a day and a half, two at the most, passes between their fight and this.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN- "IN DARKNESS"**

He sat there, looking at the blue stone that would transport him to Earth-so to speak. Young was standing off to the side, watching as he lifted his hand. They had been over everything; the fact that once he was there, no back up could be provided. He knew he could also risk blowing his cover, and possibly being killed by the Lucian Alliance. Still, he was the only one who could go and find the answers. To find out if Colonel Telford had been the mole this whole time; who compromised Icarus Base and ultimately, caused all this hell. He glared over at Young; he was trying to make it very clear about his final request, before going back and letting Telford control his body.

"You have to tell Lily where I'm at, and what's happening."

"We've been through this Rush-"

"And I don't give a damn. She has a right to know. Not telling her, would be a very **dangerous risk**."

He stressed, his face telling Young that he was not being sarcastic. Young shook his head before smirking over at him.

"You've been visiting her, when she's supposed to remain in confinement."

"Kind of hard not to, since she is carrying _**my**_ child."

Again, he gave Young a look, as if saying it didn't matter what Young could say or do. As far as himself and Lily were concerned, they'd do whatever they damned pleased with one another. The baby being a huge factor into that equation. Young sighed as he gave up trying to fight with him.

"Alright."

Once he got the affirmative from Young, he nodded as Scott, Greer and Riley stepped into the room. Young took his leave as he placed his hand upon the stone and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, he was on Earth. He could feel the stress and worry within his mind about accepting to take this secret mission. What could happen to him and how it would absolutely crush her if something did happen to him. But, pretending as if he's Dr. Morrison, followed Staff Sergeant Graham out of the room. What he didn't know was Young had used the stones to report to General O'Neil, to inform him of what it was he was doing and to get someone to follow him discretely.

* * *

She heard the knock on her door, knowing who it was on the other side. Finally, they were allowing her some time to be out of confinement. She wanted to be there for T.J.'s baby shower, even if she was going to be late. Riley had told her a little earlier that Young needed his assistance with something. So that's why she was running late. According to Young, any time she was let out of confinement, she needed an escort. Frowns a bit, knowing Nick was probably up to his elbows in work. But she assumed baby showers probably weren't his cup of tea. Still, just to show T.J. that he cared, she would express the gift was from both of them. It was risky; may hint to the others that she was becoming a little more to Nick.

It was true. Ever since that night, that secret night together that had ended with her kissing him, they had been spending more nights together. Sneaking off when everyone else was asleep or busy, going to the Observation Deck, and just watching space go by. He put on a different face and act around everybody else. But when he was with her, during those secret rendezvous, he was a completely different person. She knew, aside from Gloria, she could be the only one to make him comfortable enough to be that person. Nicholas Rush wasn't just egotistical, sometimes crazy, and obsessed with his work. With her, he was relaxed, comforting, kind. They started to have long chats, and it was nice to hear him laugh from time to time. Still, she didn't cross that lovers' boundary. She was afraid of pushing him too far, when he wasn't ready to cross that path yet. He'll come around. She was content with the way things were going now. But she did long to kiss him again; for him to kiss her.

The door opened and she smiled as she saw Riley, picking up the gift for T.J., that she had wrapped in a blanket. Riley gave her a smile as they walked out of the room. It was nice to just be able and walk around the ship some, even if it was with an escort. But Riley was always cool with her; he even knew about Rush coming to visit her at night. He knew, and continued to allow it. Riley just knew how much it meant to her. And she honestly believed Riley knew she wasn't a threat. He knew she **could** be, but not because she **wanted** to be. Nick knew this too, now that she's been able to express what's been going on in her head. She was hoping some day soon, she could show the positive effects of the aliens changing her and controlling her. How she started to understand Ancient; and could now write, read, and even speak it. Not like she had in the past. She even felt she could give his equations a try-to help him solve them.

"They've already started, but you haven't missed much."

"Thanks Riley, I appreciate it. _We_ appreciate it."

"How is the baby?"

"Good. I haven't felt the fluttering in a while, but she's probably just asleep."

"Have you thought of any names?"

"No. I mean, I've batted around a few, but I much rather get Nick's opinion too."

She felt a nudge from him, making her smile and laugh. She knew what the nudge meant; Riley definitely knew there was a shift in their relationship.

"Yes Riley, we're "getting" there."

Chuckles again, meaning to Riley that her and Nick had crossed colleagues and somehow skipped the line of friendship completely. To her, in her heart, she felt as if Nick was some kind of secret guy of hers. That always made her stomach get butterflies, to think that, for now, Nicholas Rush considered her as a close girl. She was going to ask Riley a little later if she could sneak into the Control Room and check up on him, before going back to her room. But she forgets for the moment as she sees T.J.'s bright face.

Everyone was gathered in the Mess, a little pile of gifts next to T.J., as she held up a present Chloe had sewed for her. She says a little "aww" to herself, at how nice the gift was. She hoped, that even though she's on edge with everyone, they would think to get her baby some gifts. They were going to need it. Eli was taking pictures on his iPhone, and she gave him a smile. You could always count on Eli to document the important things. She gave him a little squeeze on his shoulder, smiling. Eli trusted her, he was just making sure he didn't get in trouble by not following orders. She could understand.

She allowed Riley to give T.J. his gift, and watched from the sidelines as T.J. opened it. She noticed some of the civilians seemed a little nervous with her in the room, so she was making sure to keep her distance, and show she meant no harm. Her eyes widened when she saw the amazingly constructed toy truck. She chuckled when she realized the wheels moved and everything. She never knew Riley was so crafty. She was curious as to if he actually _**did**_ make a mini version of Destiny for her baby, like he said he would do. T.J. really liked the gift, and she didn't even notice Eli had stepped into the corridor to speak with Brody and Volker. She hesitated at first, before gently placing her gift on the table.

"I hope you like them T.J. I sewed them, but the gift is from myself and Dr. Rush."

Some people seemed really surprised by this, and probably knew it was more so her trying to involve him. But they all watched as T.J. opened the blanket, and held up the booties and cap. She smiles, pointing to the cap.

"I can always go back and sew the baby's name on the cap, whenever you and Young decide on a name. A baby can always use something warm for its head and feet. And let me know if you ever need more. I could make a bunch of those, no problem."

"They're so lovely, thank you Lily."

She bent down, to give T.J. a hug, relieved that she liked the gift so much. She got lost in the chatter of everyone around T.J., just enjoying the time being out of confinement. When she glanced up a moment, her eyes sparkled a bit, surprised to see Nick actually walk in. Then, her face turned into a questioning one, as she noticed he was dressed in fatigues. They were in FTL, so she knew there were no planets, and definitely no countdown clock. She didn't mind the fatigues, that was for sure, but there was no reason for him to be wearing them. She heard him tell T.J. "Congratulations" as if he didn't know she was pregnant. Then ask if he could speak with Camille. Something was going on, and she looked over to Riley, who was in the middle of a conversation. She walked over to Scott, giving a timid smile, before pointing in the direction Nick walked off to.

"Why is Dr. Rush in fatigues Matt? We're in FTL, so there's no countdown. Fatigues are for off-world missions."

She didn't know that Young had instructed all military personnel to keep the mission under wraps. So when she got an answer she wasn't looking for, she frowned. She nibbles on her bottom lip in worry and frustration. Because she made one big mistake, now no one could give her a straight answer when it regards the father of her child. With that in mind, since everyone else was so busy, she retreats back to her confinement room. She knew if she tried to follow Nick, all hell could break lose, and she didn't want him to get blamed. She lingered out in the corridor, hoping maybe she'd catch him once he was done talking with Camille.

* * *

He sat there, slightly defeated. He had looked through everything. Drawers, paperwork, files, cabinets. And yet, not one single piece of evidence to confirm Telford had been hiding any information regarding Icarus or the Lucian Alliance. After a moment of sitting there, trying to come up with another possible solution, he looks to his right. He noticed a square, wooden candle holder, and that caught his attention for a moment. His mind flashed back suddenly, to a moment in Lily's apartment.

* * *

"_I left my report on the desk, Dr. Rush."_

_ She told him, as she scrambled around her apartment to gather her things. Of course, it was the night prior to their summer break. She had missed his class to go see her drug counselor, so the report he requested get turned in, never got turned in from her. And since she lived in an apartment down the road from him, he went to go retrieve it himself. And wished he hadn't, as she dashed and hurried around her apartment. She was in the middle of finishing getting ready and collecting items she would need for a trip. She was just about to escort him out the door, until she gasped and turned back around._

"_Oh yeah, forgot…"_

_ He watched her go over to a black glass candle holder, picking it up. He was about to question why on Earth she would bring a candle on a road trip. But when he watched her take a compartment out of the bottom and withdraw a wad of cash, his face was stunned for a moment. _

"_You keep money…in there?"_

"_Just some savings. I know it'd be smarter to put it in a bank. But it's quicker to have some cash on hand, than to go withdraw it from the bank. Pretty neat though, huh? That they make books and candle holders into secret hiding places for jewelry, money, or whatever small and valuable items you can put in them. It's like they say, Dr. Rush, things are not always what they seem." _

_ He heard what she had said, as she led him back to the door, and they exited the apartment together._

_

* * *

_He made a face as he examined the candle holder closer; this one looked just like hers, except it was wood. He leaned over and picked it up, before giving it a shake. He heard the distinct rattling sound of what seemed to be metal. So the candle holder just appeared to look like wood, and was actually some kind of aluminum. He found the plug and peeled it off, shaking the holder to reveal what was hidden inside. He opened his hand to find a key, a key that appeared to belong to a safety deposit box. What caught his interest were the numbers engraved on the key: 314. He turned the key over in his hands a few time, as his face became frozen in thought. He thought back to the papers he had just sifted through on the desk nearby. He recalled seeing those numbers on one of the papers. He started to sift through them again hurriedly, coming to a sheet towards the middle of the stack. Straightening it out, he saw the name "District of Columbia Mutual" as the header, and saw that Telford did have a safety deposit box with them-with the number 314.

He smirked and gave a light chuckle. Once he would return to Destiny, he'd have to thank Lily. She managed to help him without having any knowledge of it. Making sure he straightened up the place as much to its original state (so much for the broken window), he went into Telford's room. He would have to dress the part too, these army fatigues might be too much for the workers at the bank. So, changing into some clothes and a leather jacket, he was off again.

* * *

She finally caught him alone, staying hidden around another corner as she watched Camile and Colonel Young leave him. Her mind wondered just what it was they all had been discussing, but she immediately put a smile on her face and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt the hesitant, caught off guard response to her hug, but just assumed he was worried they'd get caught. Chuckles as she grabbed his hands and looked up into his face.

"That was so sweet of you to come and visit T.J. today, it means a lot to her. But why are you in fatigues babe? No way you can be going over world now."

His face looked slightly confused before it turned into one of slight surprise.

"You mean, no one told you?"

"Told me what? Nick, what's going on?"

After another moment, she watched his face turn into a smirk before he started laughing. He shook his head a moment before looking into her face again.

"Everett didn't tell me that you were calling him Nick now."

Her face suddenly dropped, and slight anger crossed her features. This wasn't her Nick; he would NEVER address Young as Everett. And this person's last statement, confirmed that Nick was not in his own body now. As he tried to reach out and grab her again, she smacked his hand away quickly, almost growling.

"Don't you touch me. I demand you tell me who the fuck you are!"

"You better watch the way you address a commanding officer Ms. Dalhberg. That's Colonel Telford to you."

"Why should I?"

"I'd watch it if I was you. We all know what it is you've done to the people on board, including your precious Dr. Rush."

"If you're trying to knock me down, don't. Nick understands exactly what it is I've done and has forgiven me."

She heard him bust out laughing, and it took all of her willpower to not try and punch him in the face.

"Whatever you say, princess."

"I demand some answers. Why did Nicholas use the stones?"

"You won't be getting them from me."

"Fine. I'll go get my answers elsewhere."

She heard him chuckle, as if she was joking around about going to get her answers. She knew where to go and took no time getting to the room where they held the stones. She saw Riley, Scott and Greer back in there, and they all seemed to flinch when she walked in. Colonel Young was already in activation with the stones and before anyone could say anything, she grabbed a free one for her own.

"Lily, you're not allowed-"

"I don't give a damn what I am and am not allowed to do Scott! I'm getting some damn answers from General O'Neil, since no one else can be straight with me on board!"

With that, she placed the stone on the panel and closed her eyes. Within moments, she opened her eyes and noticed she was at the Pentagon. She stepped up to the security guard on duty, not even realizing whom she had switched places with.

"I demand to speak to General O'Neil. I have no authorization and frankly, I don't care. My name is Lilith Dalhberg, and I've come from the Destiny."

This guard, obviously had not had someone with no authorization just demand to see the General. Because after a self-conflict within himself, he told her to follow him. They walked the short distance to General O'Neil's office and she felt her skin crawl some when she heard him address Colonel Young.

"General, Ms. Lilith Dalhberg is here to speak with you."

"You had no authorization-"

"Calm down, Everett. Sit down Lily."

She was a bit surprised that the General was being so calm about her obviously, stopping in unannounced. But, in the past, he seemed to be a pretty cool guy, so this actually didn't seem that surprising. She took a tentative seat and took a breath, before facing the General.

"Simply. What is going on with Nicholas? Why has he used the stones and what is his status now?"

"Ms. Dalhberg, I am not in any obligation to give you any details on this mission-"

"With all due respect, Sir, that is the father of my child you're dealing with here. That should account for _something_."

"Maybe it's best you have come today. Everett, you're dismissed. Check back with me in a half hour, for another report."

"Yes Sir."

As Colonel Young stood up, they both locked eyes, his showing no emotion. She showed that same dominance and dishonest towards him, like that day on that planet. When he purposely left her and Nick stranded, left for dead. She felt like he was doing the same thing all over again.

"We will talk later, when you return."

She brushed off the comment, showing she didn't care whether they did talk or not, and watched him leave the room. She looked over to General O'Neil, as he sighed and stood up, pacing some.

"As you know, we are aware of everything that is happening on board that ship. We know about you and Dr. Rush being stranded on that planet. We're well aware of the situation with the aliens having captured the two of you, and how they have genetically changed you."

"And how they impregnated me, against our will, correct?"

"Yes, we know."

"I just want everyone to understand, my unborn child has not done _**anything**_ wrong. She should not be punished. I know how it is to live without a father and a mother. I want nothing more, than for her to have the two of us there for her. I need Nicholas for that, General."

He sighs, nodding his head and grabbing a binder off a shelf.

"We believe Colonel Telford has been a mole for the Lucian Alliance. The last time Dr. Rush switched with Telford, he left some residual memories within Rush's subconscious. Rush went to Colonel Young about these dreams he's been having. Explaining in great detail he was Telford, and he was meeting with some people, about files and documents regarding Icarus Base. Dr. Rush felt, he was the best person, to try and infiltrate the Lucian Alliance, and confirm our suspicions towards Telford."

"And you all just, let him? Without any reasoning, just like that?"

"He was very well aware of the danger concerning this mission. And he is also aware that if his cover is blown, we cannot intervene."

"Wait, come again? Cannot intervene? If he gets in danger, you all better do your hardest to get that man back to me!"

"You better not be demanding me, Ms. Dalhberg…"

"Sir, I know I have no "legal" rights over this man. I am not married to him. But we are expecting a child, and despite that, isn't it clear to everyone by now that I _**need**_ this man? Haven't I been through enough? Okay, my mom died in childbirth, I can live with that. My father left me with no regard towards me. I can deal with that. My adoptive parents turned me into a heroine addict, beat me with every last inch of my being, and sexually abused me as if I was a sex doll. I can tolerate that. But for you all to stand around, and treat this man as if he doesn't matter, and tell me that he may get snatched away from me. I won't live with that-I won't accept it. Please. I will do anything, just please, don't allow Nicholas to get hurt."

After a moment, she saw General O'Neil smile, before nodding his head.

"You remind me of your mother. She had that fire, that fighting spirit for what she believed in or loved."

Her eyes widened and she felt her heart thud against her chest as her brain tried to process just what the General had said. He mentioned her mother, as if he knew her. Yet, her mom had never been involved in the Stargate Program. She felt the tears stinging her eyes before the question even left her lips.

"Wh-what? How do you know my mother?"

"There is plenty you don't know, Lilith. About your mother, where you come from, where you may go. It's actually faith, or destiny if you will, that you're here today. Your mother had not been involved with the Stargate Program, no, but she had been offered. Just like Dr. Rush's father had been as well. Do you know anything about the ATA gene?"

"I know, little of it? But what does that have to do with my mother, or Nick's father…"

"What do you know about the gene?"

"That, it was passed down from the Ancients. And its genetic code, somehow, makes the person with the gene able to control Ancient Technology, like a genetic key of sorts."

She watched him nod, before sliding over a binder. She grabs it and opens it up, shaking her head some as her mind was overwhelmed. She didn't want to scare or clue anyone on the fact that she could now read Ancient. And half the text on these pages were in Ancient.

"What am I looking at?"

"This is, although loosely based, a recollection of every being that has been an Ancient, or may have a link to an Ancient. Whether through the ATA gene or otherwise. It dates incredibly back into history, back into the distant B.C. eras."

"Okay, I still don't understand-"

"Keep flipping through."

For a good 40 minutes, she sat there, flipping through the pages. It seemed like a huge family tree of sorts, listing details and information of all the humans and beings that were Ancients, or linked otherwise. But as she flipped through the pages, it seemed more humans who were born with the gene, the gene was either not very successfully used or "inactive." When she got towards the end of the binder that was when she couldn't believe her eyes. She had never seen a picture of Rush's parents before. He hardly spoke of them. She just knew he really didn't have a mom, for whatever reason, and his dad had been very hard working and much like Nick. But there was a large picture of his dad and she smiled, as she saw some similarities. Her eyes scrolled down the page, listing he had the ATA gene and it was "active, but only 20% effective."

When she turned the page again, she couldn't contain the shuddering breath that left her. She only had so many pictures of her mom, the pendant, and diary pages to remember her by. Her fingers touched the picture of her mom below her; she looked so vibrant and full of life. She looked so much like her mom, it was scary. She felt like she was almost looking into a mirror. Her eyes scrolled down the page, reading "ATA gene active, but only 18% effective." She lingered on her mom's page a minute longer, before flipping a few more. When she got to the very end, her eyes widened, her breath halted.

There was a picture of Rush and a picture of herself, side by side.

She remembered when she was assigned to live at Icarus Base, they had made each of them take a blood test. But she thought it was for the purpose to make sure they weren't bringing any illnesses or diseases to the base. She felt herself swallow a lump in her throat as she looked down at Nick's picture. She was so worried about him now, it was insane. But her eyes scanned lower, reading the text. "ATA gene, inactive." That made her frown. If his gene had been active and functioning greatly enough, he could have controlled Destiny probably with thought alone. She swallows, looking below her picture and starting to read the text there. "ATA gene, inactive."

So, her gene was inactive as well. She closed the binder and after a long moment, looked back up at General O'Neil. He nods, taking the binder back from her and shelving it again.

"We meant to tell you two earlier. About you two possessing the gene and how one of your parents had. But we just recently got the results of the genetic testing, once you two were on board the Destiny. We needed to let you know, now, because there is a possibility of the gene being passed on to the baby. And, it isn't common, but two inactive gene holders have been able to pass the gene onto a baby, and the gene be active."

Her eyes widen, this time in fear, at those words. Sure, if their little girl did get the active gene, she could be the key to getting them home. But, it could also be very dangerous for them. Because she could be useful to other alien species. She swallows, sucking a shuddering breath.

"…do you think that's why the aliens chose Rush and I?"

"We're not sure. It is a possibility. I wouldn't rule it out."

"This is a lot to take in…"

"I understand. Please know, that we do not believe your father left you, because of any doings with us. What your mother did know about the Stargate Program, she kept very hidden. When we had offered her to come on board, she did consider it. However, when she discovered she became pregnant with you, she decided to simply become a mother. And we've had tabs ever since. Of course, when you were shipped from orphanage to orphanage, and especially when you were adopted and your name changed, we lost contact. It's why we were happy that you had joined Dr. Rush's class when you had. Those visits from Dr. Jackson, were to make sure you two would be vital to us."

"I can understand Rush's position, but why me?"

"Because of your undenying passion. You had expressed on many occasion, your excitement to explore the galaxies. Also, you're able to push Rush harder."

She looked up at him and he smiled.

"When Gloria Rush died, he was ready to pull the plug on not just us, but everything. He may have never expressed it to you, but you were that extra push he needed to come on board. He said you told him he couldn't give up on his dream, because she would have wanted him to go on."

"Well, that's the truth. I promised her I would take care of him for her. I'd never back down on a promise."

"I do believe, ultimately, he wants to see you succeed. As do we. We are sorry for what has happened to you, or what may happen. But do know that we have your best interest in mind, along with that baby. We're working hard on getting everyone home."

"…General O'Neil…I never did mean for any of that to happen on board. This mind control implant…I can't do anything to remove it without killing myself. If…I do die from childbirth, I'll let everyone know to remove it then and keep it. So that you all may study it. It may become useful one day in the future."

"That's very thoughtful of you. But I don't believe you'll die in childbirth kiddo."

"It happened to my mom."

"True."

She sighs before standing up and pacing a bit, before turning to him again.

"Did Nick's mother leave his father, because of the Stargate Program?"

"We suspect she may have known something of it, but we don't believe that was the case either. There are just some right down bastards in this world. Just like your mother, his father thought it would be better for Dr. Rush to be a father for him, rather than a scientist on board."

"…Nick told me his father was a ship yard worker in Glasgow."

"That's what he became, to help raise his family. His father was incredibly smart as well. Went to Oxford as well, had a doctorate in Physics and a Masters in Medicine. It was a shame when we heard about his death. Dr. Rush was all alone when he worked his way through college."

"…how did he die?"

"He was working in the ship yard, like normal, but fell off the edge of the peer after he slipped on a patch of black ice. Even though his father knew how to swim, no one had noticed he had fallen in. And the water being so cold, your body will shut down in no time. He ended up drowning."

"Oh my god."

She held a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. She wiped a tear that fell down her cheek, still shaking her head.

"I believe it's why Dr. Rush has a phobia of water. Or well, being submerged."

Her head snapped up and her eyes widened. She never knew this, but it made total sense. If her mom had died drowning like that, she may have been afraid of water as well. She felt her heart reach out to Nick, remembering those aliens had kept them submerged in those water tanks. And her memory flashed to when she had subjected everyone to that hallucinogenic, when she had managed to tap into Rush's nightmare. How he was freaking out, and how he was calling out for help. She felt bile rising into her throat, but controlled it, frowning over at the General. And she hated to ask this, after being revealed something so tragic involving the same thing, but she sighs.

"Could I have a glass of water, please?"

"Of course. I'll have someone bring you some water and a plate of food. It's not the same as being in your own body, but it should do nicely. In the meantime, relax in here, and I'll go check in with Dr. Jackson. We sent him to keep tabs on Rush, per Colonel Young's request.

She gave the General a stern look before shaking her head.

"He requested it because he thought Rush was the mole."

"…We don't know if he is or not."

"Are you serious? Of course he isn't!"

"Calm down. We have to take every precaution Lilith, you're probably very aware of this now. You cannot trust anything or anyone out in the universe."

"I guess you're right."

"Wait here."

"General O'Neil, trust me, he's not the mole."

She saw him nod at her before exiting the room. She sighs as she rubs the worry out of her face, shaking her head.

"You better be okay Nicholas."

* * *

She had panicked; that's the only explanation she could give to everyone and especially herself. A huge part of her had wanted to stay there, to do as much as she could to help get him back. She was not just going to accept that he had blown his cover, that he was probably now in hyperspace, and captured by the Lucian Alliance. Why had she panicked and asked to go visit her home now? She felt the tears stinging her eyes, she felt empty deep inside, even if she wasn't in her own body. She frowned, as she didn't even have her pregnant belly to touch-to offer a shred of comfort.

She slowly got out of the taxi, not feeling right about any of this as she slowly made her way up the stone path. She lifted up a rock, picking up the key she had hidden and placed it in the lock. Her hand shook as she fought to unlock her door, shoving the door open. She managed to close it before dropping the key on the counter. She felt herself wanting to collapse, slamming herself against the wall, before sliding down it. She wept-wept for him, wept because she wanted him here, safe.

After a long moment, she screamed out all of her sadness, anger, frustration, everything. How could Young just react like he did? He was acting as if, he didn't give a damn if Nick was killed. Thank God for Dr. Jackson, being there to calm her down like he had, and assure her they were trying their hardest to return him back to the Destiny. She appreciated it, but it wouldn't do her any good until she could physically touch and see that he was fine, and back to her. She realized, this feeling now, unsure if she had lost him or not, was worse than getting over her previous heroine addictions. Worse than getting beaten and sexually abused, worse than anything in the world.

And it wasn't that she didn't believe in Nick-but he really wasn't a physical fighter. He was more of an intellectual fighter, and she wasn't sure how far that would take him. She knew of the Lucian Alliance, how ruthless they are. She shakily got onto her feet, averting her eyes of the pictures she had of herself or of Nick-happy moments. She was upset, she was frantic and worried, and she had every right to be. As she walked, she disrobed, knowing of the only solution to help calm herself, at least a little. She got to the shower and turned the hot water on full blast, letting it warm up before stepping in.

The hot water was nice and would have been inviting on any other time. Any other time. Her whole being shook and she had the worst pit in her stomach and the worst impending doom feeling in her heart. Swallowing back another sob, she shook her head, talking to no one in general. Asking, no begging, for help.

"If anyone is listening, please, tell me what it is I have to do to get Nick back to me. Let me know what the hell is happening to him!"

She gasped, her hand suddenly clutching at her heart. She cried out, as she had never felt a pain like this before, it making her crash down in the shower. After another moment it passed, and she felt the bile rising into her throat before she could manage. She took a moment after she got sick before leaning back against the shower wall. It was a crazy theory, but she somehow knew her sudden and very bizarre heart pain, was because Nick was hurt or being hurt. She collected herself and got out of the shower, getting changed quickly. She had never felt this before, but she knew she was getting this new energy, this new passion, because of him.

Nicholas Rush was her man, her lover, and she be damned if _**ANYONE**_ hurts him. She was going to march her ass back to the Pentagon, back to Destiny, and if she had to do it all by herself, she was going to get _**her**_ man back. Period.

* * *

He laid there, feeling his body shake and convulse with the torture it was receiving. Even though it wasn't his own body, it still hurt and it was still torture. Even with his intelligent mind, he couldn't come up with anything he could say, to avoid this. His mind was begging him to make it stop, to make them stop. She didn't enjoy this, seriously? She didn't seem to mind watching her henchmen do this to him. And it was extremely barbaric. He felt his body try to attempt to relax-a calm before the storm.

He heard the electric hum first, before he felt the blinding and searing pain of the electrical charges, this time dangerously close to his heart. It made his body arch up, in response, and he felt himself standing on his tiptoes. Death had to be better than this. When it stopped, his body slammed to the ground, hard. He couldn't even get away if he wanted to, not with these shackles. He heard himself panting, felt his body shuddering anew. The pain in his chest, coursing all through his body, and now putting a new memory to mind. That he never, ever, wanted to experience something like this again.

As he lay there, panting and trying to collect himself, his mind flashed to something very different. He felt his heart stop as he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He had come to a realization. Maybe he suddenly knew that he wouldn't be able to get out of this. Maybe he knew he'd probably be killed. But his mind was suddenly filled with visions of her. Thinking of her, was the only calm he was experiencing since being captured.

He envisioned her beautiful face, her smile, that he hated to admit, could make anyone want to smile. Her voice, calm and soothing, always saying something to encourage him. Her embrace had always been just as comforting. How she was so dedicated to him, how much she loved him. His eyes widen suddenly, at a new revelation. What if he did succumb to this? He'd never see her again, never get to express how he loved her. And what would happen to Lilith and the baby, with no one there to protect them? He felt his blood go cold with sudden dread. He heard Kiva asking him one more time to reveal who he was, not saying anything. She had promised she wouldn't kill him if he just gave his name. Could he honestly trust her? He heard the hum and it all clicked: for his lover and his baby, he had to give in. He had to survive.

"Rush!"

He felt the guy back off and couldn't help the shuddering breath that left him.

"I'm Dr. Nicholas Rush…"

He laid there, panting and staring at the ceiling above. Kiva was wrong; he did have something to lose. Two, very important people to lose, if he didn't fight to survive.

* * *

It wasn't any more comforting being back aboard Destiny, or being in her own body. However, her fire for Nick didn't die and she stormed the corridors. She ignored the looks from others, ignored any military requesting she have an escort. She knew who it was she needed to speak with. And he was right, they needed to have another talk. She caught him walking out the quarters they gave Telford for now. Her blood was boiling, not respecting Telford much either, but she faltered a bit when she saw the state Nick's body was in. More evidence that further boiled her blood. They didn't say anything to each other, once they met in the corridor, and he told Greer and Scott to stand down. They had beef that needed to be settled between them, and it couldn't wait any longer.

She followed him down the corridor and into an unused corridor, closing the door before turning to her.

"We need to talk."

"I agree."

"You are in confinement. That means you are not allowed out without an escort, or are you allowed to use any of the equipment onboard, unless you are being supervised. This is for your own safety and the safety of others on board."

"Cut the crap Colonel. Why is Nick's face bleeding? What did you do to him now?"

"Telford and I, got a little out of hand, and so did Greer."

"Ah, so let's beat Nick's body to a pulp, he'll live with it, right?"

She heard him chuckle and shake his head.

"You're a lot of work, just like him."

"Yeah, and? What of it? And as far as confinement goes, as long as Nick is not on board this ship, I should have full access to everything."

"No. I am overseeing this mission-"

"No you are NOT! You're not the General!"

"Neither are you."

"No, but I'm the only one on board that truly, gives a shit about this man, and you know it. Everyone knows it. If they don't, they've been blind for almost 8 months. Plus, as the father to my unborn child, I think I stand more rights to determine what happens to Nicholas far more than ANY one else on board, much less in the entire universe. There is a BIG difference between your intentions for him and mine. You could care less what happens to him. You've demonstrated that more than once now. I care about him. I love him, and I'll be damned if anything happens to him. In the hands of anyone or anything. From now on, I don't want anyone laying another FINGER on him. I don't want anyone even LOOKING at him the wrong way. I don't care if that is Telford in his body or not, I want Nicholas's body unharmed as much as humanly possible. And nothing better happen to him. Because if I find out that he's dead, or he's hurt severely, when this was all you fault. …I don't even want to think of what I'll be capable of then."

She slammed her hand on the door button, walking out and shutting the door behind her. That was the end of that discussion, and he could take it however he liked it. They had no idea how fragile she was, and in what condition she has been in for some time now. And she never knew Nick had tried to warn him. She had tried to warn him.

* * *

"I had try to get some answers from Scott, but he just said this would all be over soon. I let him know whatever happens, we'll all have to live with it."

"You're right in telling him that, Camille."

The Mess got silent, as it was just her, Volker, Brody, Becker and Camille in there. They all looked at her, questionably, and she shrugged.

"What are you saying, Lily?"

"I'm just saying, if Nicholas dies, you all will have to be the ones to explain to my baby, why her father isn't here. What happened to him, that we all sent him, blindly, on a deadly mission. And refused to even tell me about it."

"Well, Rush didn't tell you about the mission either."

"I know this, Volker, and when he gets back, I will deal with him accordingly!"

"If…he gets back."

Growls a bit, standing up, and actually spooking them with the growl. It had sounded so alien like, and she hadn't realized it came out. She rubbed her forehead some, before nodding to them.

"He will get back, and if he doesn't, like I said. Everyone will have to live with the guilt. And trust me, I won't back down in reminding everyone how we all sent him to his death."

With that, she stormed out the mess, shaking her head. Everyone wanted to play with Nick, and not give a damn, because they thought he didn't give a damn about them. If she had to, she'd show everyone they had no idea how ruthless she could be and not give a damn about them. And could make them feel guilty, make them suffer if Nick doesn't come back to her. She'd make them pay.

* * *

"You are not authorized to be in this section."

"I don't care Sergeant."

"Lily, just calm down and go back to your quarters-"

"Calm down? Why the hell should I calm down? What good does that do me or Nick, Scott? What good will me calming down help Nick to get back to this ship? No, I will not calm down, no I will not stand down. Now damn it, that man needs me, and I will not just hang around in the background and hope he ends up being okay. I need some answers, and I need them now!"

She saw the Corporal leave, rushing to him.

"General?"

Frowns as he didn't answer her, the connection was cut, and saw Camille rush in.

"Okay, this has gone on long enough. You have to cut the connection."

"I can't do that."

"Bullshit, yes you can. Look, I'll go fucking do it myself-"

"Don't you dare, Lilith."

She glared at Young, and actually stepped up to him, in his face.

"You're going to physically hold me down and make sure I don't? Didn't think so…"

"No, I will not hold you down, but the military personnel overseeing the communication stones will."

"Dr. Rush's life is in danger!"

"Finally, someone _else_ who realizes this…"

"That's more important than getting any intel on the Lucian Alliance!"

"I agree completely."

She watched Young look at Scott, who admitted to believing it was better for them all if Camille knew what was going on. She watched Young lift up his radio and activate it.

"Control Room, this is Young."

She knew Volker, Brody and Eli had been there earlier, and probably still were. She heard Brody answer the radio.

"This is Brody."

"Bring up the life support controls for this section."

"Why the hell would you need those?"

She felt Scott grab her and pull her gently back some, grunting and forcing her arm out of his grasp, glaring daggers into Young.

"I got it."

"Begin venting the atmosphere in Colonel Telford's quarters now."

"What?"

"Sir!"

"Oh hell no, don't you fucking dare!"

"Say again?"

"Begin venting Colonel Telford's quarters now."

She tried to run at Young, but felt Greer holding her back now. Actually hoisting her off of her feet, even though her feet kicked and she tried to force herself out of his grasp. She was beyond furious and she felt her heart racing, in a panic, for Nicholas.

"Don't you dare. Everett, please don't!"

She begged, feeling the shuddering gasps of breath before she even realized she was gasping for air already. She saw Camille and Scott standing in front of the doors, trying to convince Young not to do this either.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Camille, stay out of this."

She watched Young step in front of Greer, and Greer let her go briefly to allow him access to the door.

"He can't do this! Lieutenant!"

"I…"

"You're damn right he can't do this. You son of a bitch-"

Both herself and Camille tried to grab Young. She actually had grabbed his sleeve and pulled back, before Greer grabbed them both and forced them away.

"YOUNG!"

She yelled out, flinching when anyone touched her. She felt her blood boiling, but also going stone cold. She felt her pulse racing, her heart beating uncontrollably. She was having a panic attack and she damn well knew it. When she heard Young warn Telford, she felt the tears start to flow. She tried to grab Young again, only to get forced back.

"Damn it!"

After another moment, she started to hear the hissing, and she felt like her own air was being taken from her. She grunts as she tried to push past Greer, sobbing out. She looked to them, even as she heard Young threatening Telford in the background.

"David! I'm venting the atmosphere in your room. You've got five minutes before you die of suffocation."

"Please. I won't ever ask for anything anymore. Don't let him kill Nick."

She looks to Scott, and saw him turn his face away, guilt ridden.

"Please!"

"Your only hope is to tell me the location of the Alliance base."

"You're bluffing. Kill me and you kill Rush."

"I know. But right now, I'm thinking of the greater good. So: what's it gonna be?"

"Greater good for who? God damn you Everett! Let me go! I said let me go!"

She struggles with Greer, fighting him as best as she could, but she couldn't control her own emotions, her body failing to even budge in his grasp. Greer stood by his Colonel, his commanding officer. And she couldn't even do a damn to stand by her man. Her heart was heavy with guilt-Nick didn't deserve her. She couldn't even protect him or fight for him. She was one big let down and one big failure. She sobs out, clutching at her necklace.

_"God mom, what should I do? Don't let them take my soul mate away from me…"_

_"They do not care for you. We do. We can take care of you and your little one. Join us…"_

"_No…" _

"Young! Open this damn door!"

"Open the fucking doors!"

She yells out to Young, but her plea gets unheard. He stands there, cold and unfazed by any of this.

"We both know you're not gonna kill me!"

But even as Telford said that, she shook her head. Young cared for Telford, she knew. But for Rush…there was no hope at all left. She started to hear Telford breathing even more heavily, and starting to hit and kick at wall panels. She sobs out shaking her head.

"Oh my God…"

She watches Camille suddenly snatch a radio and activate it.

"Mr. Brody, this is Wray. You need to restore the atmosphere…"

"This is Young. Please disregard that request."

"By letting this happen, you are participating in not only the murder of Colonel Telford, but Doctor Rush as well."

She gets out of Greer's grasp, finally, and snatches Camille's radio, activating it.

"I know you're all in there. Eli, Brody, and Volker. Let's not forget that by killing Nicholas, you're not only killing me, but hurting this unborn child. What life will she have without her father? Do you, SERIOUSLY, want to live with that guilt? Do you want to be the ones to tell her, who really killed her dad? ANSWER ME!"

She throws the radio down, looking back at Scott one more time. She's clutching her stomach, as if trying to tell him that this baby needs Nick just as much as she does. She watches Scott walk up to Young, shaking her head. Yeah, that's right Scott. Tell him how wrong this is. Young should understand, he has a child on the way too.

"OK, sir, you've made your point."

"I'm not trying to make a point."

She looks at her watch, shaking her head and physically shaking now. It's been too long, and she can hear the commotion behind the doors.

"C'mon, open the door, sir, _please_!"

"I know what I'm doing."

"What you're doing is killing him!"

"I know that, Lieutenant."

"And you just don't fucking care? You cold, callous, son of a bitch!"

"Brody!"

She briefly could see in the window, and saw Rush's body gasping for air. She cries out, shaking her head no, scared or what was happening to Nick, wherever he was.

* * *

This was a completely new pain-mindless pain. He felt his lungs on fire and he honestly couldn't breath. One minute he had been working on these equations, the next, he found himself on the floor. Arched on his toes as he struggled to breath, as others gathered around him.

"What's happening to him?"

His mind briefly went to her, through the soaring pain, and honestly felt he was going to die. And that his last thought would be of her, his angel.

* * *

She was being held back again, but this time, even Greer had a look of indifference, of guilt on his face. She heard Telford struggling to breath, though her ears picked up the pain sounds of Nick's voice. Gasping, suffering, begging for air.

"Oh God, please stop it! Oh God, take me instead please!"

She begs, shaking in Greer's grasp, also gasping for air. She felt her own lungs hurt, like she was being suffocated.

"All right, now, sir, I cannot ..."

She watches Greer push Scott away, gritting her teeth in anguish. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to grow old with Nick, and she had honestly wanted to be the first to go, not the other way around. She couldn't face the world without him. It wasn't the same. He had given her life back, it was unfair to watch them take his away.

"Oh my God…"

Now she was regretting the day. How she didn't get the chance to tell him she loved him. To give him a goodbye kiss. To ensure to protect him. She had failed him and Gloria, and she felt like she was the scum of the universe. And these people, who she thought was family, really did want to hurt her. No one could be trusted. She heard the breaths inside getting shallow and less frequent, before she heard silence. Young stepped away from the door, and she rushed to the window with Camille. The image inside, she felt her heart literally stop. He was gone. In her heart, she knew he was gone.

"You've killed him."

Confirmation. She felt her whole world crumble. Felt herself crumble. She felt someone grab her before she could fall, but she pushed him away. She didn't say anything, her feet suddenly running and darting off down the corridor.

"Lilith-"

She heard Scott call out, but it was too late. She ran and ran for what seemed like forever, not even realize she had stumbled upon an unused part of the ship. A lone corridor. She crumbled to her knees, mouth opening in a silent cry, before her voice found her and she screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She felt her fingers claw at the cold floor, body convulsing, sucking in shuddering breaths.

"It should have been me, not him! Why God? I can't breath…I can't breath…why did it have to be him? Why is everyone wanting to hurt me? Oh God, why didn't I protect him more, love him more? I don't deserve him. God Nick, why? Why did you have to be a hero? You should of just stayed behind. I'm so sorry. Oh God, Nicholas, I'm so sorry. I don't deserve your forgiveness. They killed you…I killed you…"

She struggled to take a breath, she struggled with herself. All she felt was guilt.

"I don't deserve this precious baby. I don't deserve to even be alive. God, take me! Please take me! I don't want to live without him! I can't live without him. Someone help me…please…"

_"That's right. There is no one there anymore to love you…to care for you. We can care for you. We helped get your pregnant, it's only right. Come to us. You were once a Tau'ri. Look at the damage they have done, the damage you have done. Think of all you can do if you become an Omega. Join us…"_

"_No…I can't…"_

She clutched her head suddenly, as she screamed out once more. Except not in her guilt, but in pain. She felt her very being getting snatched away and locked up, never to come forth again. Everything she was before suddenly left her and when the pain stopped, so did she. Tears did not fall; she did not weep for Nicholas or his wrongful death. She stood up, as if nothing has happened, but she did have new purpose. A new mission. She did not know what she was doing, but she knew exactly what it was she was doing. She wanted revenge, and they all had to pay.

* * *

She walked through the corridor, knowing where she needed to go, even as they tried to radio her. Even as she heard Young's voice over the ship's main PA system. She didn't care if an incursion was about to happen, or that the Lucian Alliance were coming. They all had to pay now.

"We've been informed that this ship faces an incursion by armed forces of the Lucian Alliance, the group responsible for the attack on Icarus Base. All military personnel on board have been placed on high alert. If the enemy has acquired the means to dial Destiny, their point of ingress will be the Stargate…"

She managed to sneak into the Gate room, hiding behind a console, as she heard them sealing the doors and darkening the room. Good, they were helping her out with her plan. Still hiding behind the console, she looked at the gun she had in her hand, cocking it, before stashing it behind her back.

"So the Gate room is off limits. All surrounding corridors have been placed in lock down. No one may enter without proper authorization. I have provided Homeworld Security with intel on the planet from which the Lucian Alliance intends to launch their assault. They are dispatching forces as I speak."

She knew the Kino had been set up high above the room, but with the dark, she knew it would buy her some time. Standing up, she activated the console. After taking a few moments to look over everything, she activated some buttons. She started to transfer all control to her console, closing her eyes.

_"I'm transferring control right now. Once I gain full access, I'll send you the gate address."_

"_It will take us a good bit of time to get our stargate properly activated. Do you think you can hold them off until then?"_

"_Yes Sir."_

"_Good Omega."_

_

* * *

_"So you'll follow orders as long as I explain everything to you beforehand?"

"No, sir, that is not what I meant."

"Well, that's good, because if it _was_, we'd have a problem, Lieutenant. Do we have a problem?"

"Actually, Sir, we do have a problem. Lily is missing. She's not in her quarters and no one has seen her since running off."

"Tell everyone to be on high alert, but search for her again."

"But Sir-"

"That's all, Lieutenant."

* * *

He couldn't wait to get back on Destiny and away from these people. Getting stabbed when he almost faced death was not something he was ready for. He was physically and mentally tired. The only thing that was keeping him going now, was her. How he wanted to go back to her, see her face, hear her voice. Get the comfort he knew she had waiting for him. She would feel his pain and know of the means to soothe it away. She always did. He knew why Gloria chose her. Gloria was intelligent like that.

He glares at the henchmen, watching over his every move, as he clicked away on the laptop. He had never been so annoyed with his work before. Now, he wanted nothing more than to just crawl up with her. Shaking his head and rubbing his face, he sighs to himself.

_"I can't wait to come back to you…"_

_

* * *

_"Someone is draining all control to the Gate room."

"That's impossible, Eli. We had the room sealed off."

"Well _someone _is doing it."

"Sir, we haven't found Lily yet."

"It's got to be her then. James, go get her, now."

"Yes Sir."

"Is there anyway to gain control back, Eli?"

"No. Whatever she's done, she's blocked anyone from accessing the systems. Even Rush couldn't crack this."

"It must be her alien influence then."

* * *

She froze when she saw the gate dialing, looking down at the console. So, someone was trying to dial in. She growls, knowing exactly who it was. She clicked a button, sending the gate address, before shutting down the console. No one would be able to tap in but them. And she was going to be ready for when the Lucian Alliance come. She heard the whoosh sound, and ducked behind the console, hidden by its bulkiness and the darkness. Her arm went behind her back, hand ready to seize the gun. She waited patiently, waiting for when she needed to attack.

She started to hear people and objects coming through the gate, much like they had that one day. She saw Telford come through finally, though she remained frozen, unattached. She grits her teeth, which she hadn't realized some had become sharp and pointed, more alien changes. She looked like a predator, and she was waiting to pounce on her prey. Just waiting for the right moment…

* * *

"What happened?"

"Colonel?"

"No, no. No, it's me."

"Rush."

"Yeah."

He looks around anxiously, before he remembers everything that has happened.

"The ship; the Lucian Alliance ..."

"Yeah, no, we know everything. Telford told us."

"So what are we doing about it, then?"

"Let's just say it'll all be over in a few minutes."

"What?"

They look up as Young comes into the infirmary, and he immediately wastes no time.

"Where is Lily?"

"We believe, she has locked herself in the gate room."

"With this madness taking place-"

"Rush, she's adverted all control to herself."

"What? What do you mean? You did tell her of the plan, didn't you?"

"Well no, not at first."

He threw his hands up in the air, shaking his head.

"She didn't take Young's plan of getting Telford out of the brainwashing technique either."

"Wait, what plan?"

He heard Young sigh, before addressing him.

"The only way I could get David back, and to come clean about everything, was to suffocate him, then bring him back. Lilith ran off before I could explain to her what happened-"

"So wait a minute. You mean to tell me she still thinks I'm dead?"

He chuckles, shaking his head. He wasn't chuckling because this was funny. He was chuckling because of how worse this day has gotten.

"Colonel, that was a big mistake. I believe we're rather screwed now."

"What are you talking about, Rush?"

"Our Lilith, is gone. I can almost guarantee you that she's gone. Now, we have her body, hosting a brain that is being taken over by those aliens. She's become one of them now, no doubt."

They all grow silent, at how real and dangerous the situation has become.

"How much control does she have?"

"Everything. She can contact them, dial them in, everything."

His eyes widened, and he felt his blood go cold. The thought of running into these aliens again scared the crap out of him. He shook his head, knowing what she'd do. He just knew she had to be 5 steps ahead of them already.

"Fuck. We better get ready for an invasion, not an incursion."

* * *

She felt her eyes widen and her hand shake as she saw Telford come through the gate, alive and well. So, they staged Nick's death? It didn't matter now, she had her commands, and she knew what her job was. She waited, she would be able to spot who the leader was, once they came through. And that was the person she had to deal with first. She knew exactly what it was the Alphas wanted to do, what they desired. They wanted Destiny, and that meant capturing everyone on board. Including Nicholas. And she held no remorse, no sorrow, only carrying out her orders. And making them pay.

* * *

"Sir?"

"We have an even bigger situation. Gather all the military personnel. We have reason to believe Lily has contacted the aliens, and they will probably be on their way, or possibly, coming through the stargate."

"Sir?"

"She's gone, Lieutenant. It's not the Lily we know. Take every precaution necessary. I believe she could be dangerous now."

"Yes Sir."

* * *

There. The lady that just came through, in the leather trench coat, she just knew that had to be the leader. Especially the way she was interrogating Telford like that. Thinking it was Nick. She was sorely mistaken. And she was mistaken if she thought she would spoil the plans of her Alphas. She stood up, and immediately saw everyone who had weapons, draw them on her. She acted as if she had been mistakenly locked in the gate room, playing with them. Trying to make it seem like she was innocent.

"Oh God, please don't hurt me!"

She clutched at her stomach, as the commander stepped up to her, up in her face.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Lilith Dalhberg-"

"Why are you in here?"

"I came in here, when I was upset and scared after what happened to Nick. Please don't hurt me, I'll comply with whatever you wish."

"You have better, for your sake."

She had to stall them for a few more seconds; she had feeling they would be dialing in soon.

"Where is Dr. Rush?"

"I don't know, honestly. I swear, I don't know anything!"

There. The gate just illuminated; her Alphas were coming. The commander, obviously not happy with her, raised her gun and pointed it at her.

"Why is the gate dialing?"

She smirks, taking a moment to laugh, before addressing the commander.

"You might want to put that gun down. The Alphas are on their way, and they really do cherish me. This baby. I'm very important to them. You might anger them, and that wouldn't be good. See, we're taking over this ship, not you."

"You had better answer me now!"

"Did I stutter? I said the Alphas are coming. I know you can see my appearance. Being half Tau'ri and half alien. You think I was born this way?"

"Then you should be dealt with accordingly-"

Before she could, she took her gun out of her back pocket so quickly and pulled the trigger. It was all over in a split second. She watched the other woman fall to the ground, suffering a bullet wound to the head. Just as the others were about to surround her, the Alphas came through. That caused enough surprise and fright for the other Lucian Alliance to freeze. The Alphas moved quickly, some LA lost their lives, others were quickly rendered unconscious and being taken away. She bows as she saw her leader walk up to her, before walking over to the console. She activated the ship's PA system, speaking to them all.

"Destiny. Surrender now. We now control this ship."

He felt his pulse quicken and felt his breath get caught in his throat. It was good to hear her voice, but at the same time, he heard the command. He heard she was serious and was not joking. This was not his Lilith at all, not one bit. She was gone.

Forever.

* * *

Author's Notes: I wanted to show that Lily and Rush shared a lot of things, not just their feelings for each other, but now that they are really connected in more ways than one. I wanted to have a little bit of history thrown in there, that's why I mentioned a bit about their parents. Show that maybe it was fate that got them together after all. That they are more than just "dating" I guess you can say. That they can sense when one of the other is in pain, and can maybe feel it, without it actually happen. That they know something has happened to the other, without really having to get a visual confirmation. That they are getting in more tuned with each other.

I also wanted to show the raw emotion, how crushed she was when she thought she lost him. And how desperate she was to make the pain go away. To have purpose again. She allowed her walls to come down enough for the aliens to take full control. And for now, she isn't thinking about anyone but helping these aliens. And she's ruthless and with no account to others, including Nick. This is a darker chapter, but if you want to see what happens, I'd keep tuning in. Reviews are love. Let me know what you think, please. Also, jump over to my LJ account: erin_marie_s and partake in the poll. I've decided to let my readers, my fans of "RTTE" vote on what their unborn baby's name should be.

And thanks again!

Also: No music. I'm sure I could have found something to throw in there, but it hasn't really come to me. Music will be featured in future chapters, so no worries.

Takes place during episodes 18 and 19: "Subversion and Incursion Pt. 1" All dialogue that came directly from the show were used from episode transcripts. Again, no right to the characters, show, etc. I don't own anything except Lily and the unborn baby, of course.


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